Westgal

I'm a 55 year old woman who has spent most of my life trying to control my eating. Even when I'm gradually gaining weight, it's while struggling to hold my consumption down. My biggest problem is what I eat in the evenings - I often eat modestly during the day, then when I'm alone in the evening, especially when watching a movie, I seem to shut off my controls and soon I'm looking in the kitchen for "something I can eat." Like any addict, I rationalize about my eating - "I'm only 3 points over," or "I'll follow this up with some Smooth Move or drink a high-fiber protein shake," in the hopes the food will all pass through me without too much being absorbed. The worst thing I ever did was a Master Cleanse, after 7 days of which I started passing little white flecks, which I later learned were part of my intestines and a symptom of cholera.

My all-time high was 210, and in the past year or two I've stayed between 160 and 170. I'm often conflicted about weight loss. I hate being obsessed about losing weight as much as I hate being obsessed about food, whether it's eating or restraining my eating.

I'd love to just be normal. Eat when I'm hungry until I am fed, then put the rest of the food away until I'm hungry again.

I've chosen Weight Watchers since I have been a member on and off for years and can calculate the points in just about any food in my head now, though my real goal is to be able to put eating in a different perspective - something I do for pleasure and sustenance, rather than something I do to fill an emotional void.