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Weight History
showing entries 11 to 15 of 44
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21 February 2013
I am extremely tired today. I did not eat the amount of calories I was suppose to eat so maybe that is the problem but I am not that hungry. I did not get up early and do my walking but I did go out at lunch and walk for 20 minutes which I had hoped would get me through the 2 o'clock doldrums but it didn't. So I am heading off to bed without doing all the studying I was suppose to do. I have a very busy next two days but I will try to fit it all in. I would be fine if they would only add an extra day to my week.
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20 February 2013
Today I am working on emotional reasoning. Every time I want to do something that is off my plan I am to ask myself questions as to why I want to do it. I struggle the most with eating after everyone has gone to bed and I am left alone. I guess I am lonely and I want to comfort myself so I eat. I am to ask myself questions like,
Just because I want to eat does that mean I have to eat?
Could I want a piece of fruit instead?
What can I do about my loneliness?
What healthy hobby can I do tonight?
No of course I do not have to eat I choose to eat. Wrong choice. This choice will only make me feel guilty and angry which will not help me in the least.
Yes of course I could have a piece of fruit, but in my mind that isn't as comforting but in the long run it will be as I will be proud of myself.
I like to wallow in my loneliness sometimes. The martyr syndrome. I have felt lonely so often it is my natural way of feeling. So why would I pick up the phone and call someone? A friend, my daughter, actually have a conversation with my husband. This would break the loneliness.
I have had so many hobbies, and like everything I quit half way through. Well this time I will finish what I start and be proud of the result of creating something and finishing a project. I have a needle point I would like to do. I am going to do it starting tonight. Actually, doing this plan has become a hobby to a point. I sit down here after everyone is gone and do my food plan for the next day. By the time I have finished I am pooped and want to go to bed and I haven't eaten a thing.
(2 comments)
19 February 2013
I got up this morning and walked for 20 minutes. I did not say, oh it is too early I will do it later, like I have for the past year. I got up and said I will go do it now as I won't do it later. I am proud of myself. I am very tired tonight but that is a good thing. Maybe I will sleep tonight.
I had problems being hungry today. I started off with a smoothie but that just does not satisfy me. I think I will stay with a boiled egg or porridge. I did manage my two snacks today which is a first. Now that I am finished for the day I am not hungry so the snacks do work.
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18 February 2013
I had a poor night sleeping last night but instead of getting up and eating, I had a glass of warm milk and read my book until I felt sleepy. I am proud of the way I handled it. It was hard and many times I just wanted to give in and get up and eat but I kept reminding myself that this will be hard but it will be the right thing to do and I can get through this.
Today I am to work on negative forecasting. I have to catch myself when I start telling myself that I will fail at this like I fail at everything. This is not true. I do succeed in many things when I know what I am doing, have all the facts and WORK REALLY HARD. So I will succeed when I have all the tools to get to my goal and work hard at at my plan. I will succeed.
The other warning is overly positive fortune telling. I say to myself, I won't exercise now because.....I will do it later. And guess what, later never comes. So I am now to say- I know I will not do it later so I will do it RIGHT NOW. This is still a challenge but I am going to succeed and conquer this one.
My positive re-enforcement today is that I have to remind myself that when I am off track I feel terrible but when I am on track I feel great. It is hard some of the time but when I am off track I feel bad all of the time.
Getting into this routine of journalling and going through the steps is very time consuming and hard to remember. There is that "hard" word again. I have to remember this is going to be hard. If it was easy I would not have this problem. Eventually all this will come second nature to me but right now my head is swimming.
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17 February 2013
I have been away for over a month as I came down with the flu for 3 weeks and then did not get myself back into eating correctly until yesterday. I did not overdo it but I still was not watching it as well as I should have.
I have started back at the Weight Management Clinic at the Diabetic Clinic. I was seeing a therapist there to find out why I over eat as I thought that was very important. From what I learned, it was a reflex protection mechanism I used to compensate for how I was treated as a child. My response to food was my way of dealing with punishments and rewards in my childhood. I could blame my parents but both are gone now and I know they were only trying to do their best for me. I just have to make sure I do not repeat the mistakes with my children and only repeat the good things. My therapist did say one thing that finally hit home, which I will have to repeat to myself quite often to get it to stick. She said you can find out all the whys but that will not change the behavour. I have to change the emotion to change the behavour. That really struck home. When I feel the emotions that lead me to overeat I have to learn techniques to change the emotion that arises. So we are learning new techniques to change the emotion. There are 13 techniques and I hope to memorize and use 2 every day. Today am going to work on;
1. Write down 10 reasons I want to lose Weight. Read these motivations every day.
2. Then give myself credit. Learn how to speak well of myself. Every time I make a good food choice say "Way to Go" "I deserve to lose weight"
That is my homework for today.
She also said that I have to think that food is medicine not a way to kill myself. To get better I have use food as a medicine and take the medicine in the right amounts and at the right times. As I do with my high blood pressure medicine and metformin.
This is not a diet but the way I will have to live the rest of my life. The operative word would be "Live".
So, I am proud I got back on the journaling. I am proud I went back to the clinic. I deserve to feel better and live longer!
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