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I read an interesting article yesterday (copied below) called "Are you an Abstainer or a Moderator?" In my struggles with eating added sugars, I've been told by many & read in many articles that abstaining only sets you up for a binge. While I understood that logic, my study of one (me!) kept leading me back to the conclusion that for me, trying to eat sugar in moderation just didn't work. Trying to eat it in moderation just lead to crazier thoughts about what/when/where/how much sugar I'd eat, and over the holidays the dam broke… or should I say the damn moderation thing! Anyway, reading this article made me realize that I'm not alone in my current belief that just like gluten & lactose do not agree with my body, neither does sugar. So, in following my body wisdom, I am navigating my course away from those mindfully & eating gluten, lactose and added sugar aware. I'm on Day 54 steering clear of added sugar… but who's counting - LOL?!? And, I have to add, that this time it really feels right, which I believe is due to trying many different approaches, i.e. eating it in moderation, having a "sugar" day or meal, etc. Also, I know that my thinking about it has changed too, as I now am doing so mindfully, meaning that I'm choosing to not eat sugar for now, but I can choose differently mindfully anytime. And, opening up to DH & others about it has helped too. Now, I don't keep much of it in the house & in a cabinet I don't go in… DH even keeps some in his car. DH also now knows to not offer me a bite of his dessert if he chooses to order one when we're out, and I think as I'd mentioned last month, ordered my birthday candle in a plate of fresh fruit. While sugar in moderation didn't work for me, mindful sugar awareness is for now!
What also works for me is to start my day in prayer… and a cold one it is, in which I'll be out there playing paddle tennis in this morning, so also praying for warmth!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
And through this one day and each one meal, moment, bite, thought & emotion, I'll pray, breathe, log, journal & express my way. I'm so very grateful for each of Wonderful you, my family & IRL friends, how warm & wonderful my home & fireplace will feel after playing paddle tennis outside this morning, and having the health & wealth to live this life I love! xoxox
Are You an ‘Abstainer’ or a ‘Moderator’?
By Everyday Health Guest Contributor
Published Jan 28, 2014
Gretchen Rubin
A piece of advice I often see is, “Be moderate. Don’t have ice cream every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you’ll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.”
I’ve come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the “moderators.” They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.
For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation–and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson, who said, when someone offered him wine: “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.”
Ah ha! Like Dr. Johnson, I’m an “abstainer.”
I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately. When I admitted to myself that I was eating my favorite frozen yogurt treat very often, two and even three times a day, I gave it up cold turkey. That was far easier for me to do than to eat it twice a week. If I try to be moderate, I exhaust myself debating, “Today, tomorrow?” “Does this time ‘count’?” etc. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control.
There’s no right way or wrong way–it’s just a matter of knowing which strategy works better for you. If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of time justifying why they should go ahead and indulge.
However, in my experience, both moderators and abstainers try hard to convert the other team. A nutritionist once told me, “I tell my clients to follow the 80/20 rule. Be healthy 80% of the time, indulge within reason, 20% of the time.” She wouldn’t consider my point of view–that a 100% rule might be easier for someone like me to follow.
People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, “It’s not healthy to take such a severe approach” or “It would be better to learn how to manage yourself” or “Can’t you let yourself have a little fun?” On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, “You can’t keep cheating and expect to make progress” or “Why don’t you just go cold turkey?” But different approaches work for different people. (Exception: with an actual addiction, like alcohol or cigarettes, people generally accept that abstaining is the only solution.)
You’re a moderator if you…
– find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure–and strengthens your resolve
– get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something
You’re an abstainer if you…
– have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
– aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits
Now, sometimes instead of trying to give something up, we’re trying to push ourselves to embrace something. Go to the gym, eat vegetables, work on a disagreeable project.
Perhaps this is the flip side of being an abstainer, but I’ve found that if I’m trying to make myself do something, I do better if I do that thing every day. When people ask me advice about keeping a blog, one of my recommendations is, “Post every day, or six days a week.” Weirdly, it’s easier to write a blog every day than it is to write it three or four times a week. I don’t know how moderators feel about this. (Moderators–what do you think? Is it easier to go for a half-hour walk every day, or four times a week, for you?)
So…do you identify as an abstainer or a moderator? Do these categories ring true for you?
Gretchen Rubin is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on happiness. Her books Happier at Home and The Happiness Project were both instant New York Times bestsellers, and The Happiness Project has spent more than two years on the bestseller list. Here, she writes about her adventures as she test-drives the studies and theories about how to be happier.
Diet Calendar Entries for 27 February 2014:
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1265 kcal
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Fat: 41.52g | Prot: 107.32g | Carb: 136.52g.
Breakfast: Primal Nutrition Primal Fuel - Vanilla Coconut Creme, Lactaid 100% Lactose Free Fat Free Milk, Spectrum Naturals Organic Coconut Oil, Harmless Harvest 100% Raw Coconut Water. Lunch: Primal Nutrition Primal Fuel - Chocolate Coconut, Lactaid 100% Lactose Free Fat Free Milk. Dinner: Luby's Roasted Mixed Vegetables, Cantaloupe Melons, Lactaid 100% Lactose Free Lowfat Small Curd Cottage Cheese. Snacks/Other: Evolve Greek Kefir, Ralphs Whole Raw Almonds, Whole Foods Market Avocado Vinaigrette Dressing, Mann's Sunny Shores Rainbow Salad. more...
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1963 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Tennis - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 14 hours and 30 minutes. more...
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