FullaBella's Journal, 06 April 2014

Sunday Morning - April 6th. The past couple of days have kicked my behind energy wise. I finally got in gear Friday and got back ahead of the game instead of behind the 8-ball on things like opening a stack of mail piled up for a week, getting the bills paid, quarterly taxes filed, etc. Then there was the packing for a one day trade show yesterday which was disappointing financially. The organizer moved the location and I just can’t seem to get my Mo-Jo back in that other place; this is the second time there. Gah, maybe it’s just the economy. Can’t be ME, right (LOL). Ah well.

ATF at the show was fine - I packed tuna, salmon (packets) and celery, guacamole and plenty of water. I’m the oddball in the room full of take out burgers and pizza delivered.

But then BCF phoned while I was there; she was having a meltdown from an issue with her son so I met her after the show and we went to dinner while Mushy stayed at home with Mr. BCF. She was okay but reeked of cigarette smoke ~ had to wash her down when we got home.

RDI is off the charts in print because we went to a German restaurant so I just over estimated my food recording. This is my second time for that type of food and I must confess half the time I have no idea what I’m eating. I was bone weary worn out tired by dinner time as I’d been up since 2am so it didn’t occur to me to ask for a nutritional info on the menu. Ah well, can’t undo it. What will happen will happen. But I am aware I ate too much and felt uncomfortable. Another lesson learned from observation. Another reminder.

I’m working on my ‘micromanaging control’ issues. Last night I let BCF drive us to dinner. It was nice. Whenever I go somewhere with someone, I’ve always driven. I never get to enjoy the ride. So when I returned home I emailed Grace and asked her to drive us today - we are going to The City for brunch and the theater.

Friday when I took Mushy to the vet I let them take her alone to trim (the other 19 of ) her nails; I have always gone in the room with her to make sure she was okay but without me in there it went much faster. And she still seemed ‘happy’ afterward.

I think with ‘me’ releasing the thinking I need to be in the center of everything, the puppetmaster, I may make another step toward protecting myself from the exhaustion that accompanies that control.

Thank you for the comments about my ‘bark & bite’ episode at the vet. I told BCF about it and laughed apparently ‘chubby’ is a worse ‘C’ word for me than the other one (See you next Tuesday). I do accept that I over reacted and he was probably a nice man ~ what can I say, I’m not perfect.

After posting my journal I emailed a snapshot to NB and he sent me an interesting response from a perspective don’t think of because I’ve rarely, except for the few times I’ve lost weight, been heckled that I look ‘too thin’. I’ve pasted a copy of it at the end just to share something from someone who knows ‘me’ IRL and has been on the other side of the scale.

Well, I need to go shower and spackle, get ready to ‘Sparkle, Nealy, Sparkle’. If you know that reference, you’re an old person like me :-)

Take care and have a great Sunday.

Bells

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You know when I read this it really hit home with me. Until I got into weight lifting I was just the opposite. I was about 100lbs soaking wet. I got made fun of and picked on so much there was a time I almost took my own life. The gym changed my whole world. But even now my wife and I get slammed and ridiculed for the way we look and the way we eat. So when I read your email I felt that old rage coming up then total satisfaction for the way you handle it. You and I have something in common, we can come across scarier and meaner with few or no words than if we run our mouths. I respect you so much for handling that the way you did and knowing he came back out with his "tail tucked between his legs" made me so happy. I hate people. They feel like they can say whatever they want whenever they want, but what they don't realize we could chew them up and spit them out if we really wanted to. They have not been down the road we have been and could never imagine what we go through to get to where we are. You know I have the upmost respect for you. I brag about you to everyone. You have more dedication than anyone I have ever met and I promise it does not go unnoticed!!!

By the way, I have a full blooded pit bull that is what is called a "gotti" blood line. They are shorter and very deep chested pits. And everyone that comes over here says "wow your a little fat dog huh". I tell them actually she's not fat that is the way that breed is suppose to look and she's in a hell of a lot better shape than you. So your day sounded just like a day in my life..

Keep on kicking ass and you will keep on being happy!!!!!!

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2975 kcal

Fat: 150.67g | Prot: 74.22g | Carb: 189.37g.   Breakfast: Black Olives, Green Olives, Hellmann's Mayonnaise with Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Turkey Breast Meat, Cheesecake Factory Pineapple Upside-Down Cheesecake, Cheesecake Factory Factory Huevos Rancheros, Coffee-Mate Sugar Free Caramel Macchiato Coffee Creamer, Spectrum Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, Milk (2% Lowfat with Added Vitamin A). more...

1852 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...