FullaBella's Journal, 15 February 2014

Saturday Morning - February 15th and if I had to rate my Galentine Evening on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a 5 and that's only because there were no accidents or injuries. So let me begin by getting some of your likely summary reviews out of the way:

'Gee that Bella, such a whiney, rigid, impossible to please, inflexible, intolerably spoiled control freak witch.'

There, now you have to come up with something new. The rest is a total ranting vent to clear this bad juju out of my system so that I can go about my day today with better optimism.

Kaddy's invitation read, "Dinner, drinks and a movie". I even looked back on the communication in the emails for 'did I just miss something here?' but realize I did not because there was even an email about 'what type of food are you craving? Any ideas where you'd like to go?' to which I responded, "Definitely somewhere nice, possibly a place with fresh grilled seafood?' and was told to meet at her house at 5:00.

In MY stodgy old lady mind, the one who goes to BED at shortly after 8pm, I thought 'oh, okay, we meet 5:00; dinner will be somewhere around 5:30... probably out of there by 6:30 or so putting the movie at about 7:00 so yeah, get a cup of coffee and try not to yawn too openly because you won't be getting home until around 10pm. Suck it up Bells and step out of your routine a bit. This will be fun.'

Wrong. Oh. So. Wrong. I now remember WHY it's been over two years since I agreed to do anything with Kaddy. She is the most distracted, disorganized and frustrating nutcase in the world! We left her house at 5:30 ... to go pay her rent (where I sat in the car watching her chit chat with her landlord for thirty minutes) and then went to a dollar store (another half hour of her picking up things for a fund raiser today) and finally I asked 'Uhm, what time does the movie start?" because unlike my little one horse town where everything is within 5 minutes of each other there was a lot of city travel and mileage involved in between those two errands already and now it's 7:00 and we haven't even eaten yet!

"Eight O'Clock."
"Ohhh? Okay... so .. where did you decide we were going to dinner?" (trying to still breath and be flexible and adventurous over the sound of my rumbling stomach)
"Oh, we're going to eat 'at' the movie."

Okay .. again, that's not my ideal thing but I have been to some of those 'movie restaurants akin to old dinner theater and it wasn't bad. Nice tables, padded swivel club chairs, waiters in uniforms serving food with style and it makes for a relaxing evening to then turn around and watch the movie. Cutty used to love the one I took him to when we first married. They allowed smoking in the theater then (in the balcony area) so he was even willing to go see a 'chick flick' if necessary because he'd just relax, order a pizza, and zone out while he had a beer or twelve.

Wrong again. Oh so wrong again. This theater was another forty five minute drive away and as I stifled repeated yawns while we sat waiting for her friends to meet us there I so regretted not 'driving' as I would have left her THERE to get a ride home, especially when I returned from the ladies room to learn 'oh, uhm, the movie doesn't start until 8:50...' And, if you're like me and haven't been to a movie theater in a while.. that's just when they seat. It's at least another half hour before the opening credits run after a zillion coming attractions reviews and advertisements.

No tables or club chairs - these were auditorium chairs with a swiveling plastic half table (like a college desk) in a theater that had obviously seen better days as my chair rocked ... not back and forth comfortably but side to side keeping my back and legs 'tense' all night and my 'table' (if you can call it that) was broken and tilted so I had to eat with one hand while the other tried to hold my dishes to keep them from sliding into my lap.

Dark theater, couldn't SEE my food except when there was a lighted scene on the screen ... I ordered a burger and fries as it was the safest thing I could imagine trying to maneuver one handed while holding onto my cup of hot coffee. Constant interruptions of the movie due to the waiters shoving food at me to be passed down the aisle to others as if we were at a baseball game. I was miserable with a capital M plus an I for irritated.

And the movie? I won't say much about the plot or give my review as to avoid a spoiler alert on that except to say ... unless you like watching Colin Ferrell cry and change his dialect about fifty times ... I'd wait for it to come on TV. Free. In fact, I'd advise trying to get someone to pay you to see the movie.

While everyone was trying to discuss 'what are you ordering' over the ear splitting volume of the coming attractions the topic of dessert came up and Kaddy said 'we'll go for that after the movie' and at that point I was 'the Mom' when I said 'Oh, NO, we will NOT.' I even did the pointed index finger wag to emphasize.

I was so 'not interested' in the movie I'd look around at the others in the theater and grew nauseous looking at row upon row of people sitting mesmerized, eyes on the screen as they just automatically brought food up to their mouths. Yes, I'm judging. This was the 'me' I used to be and 'don't' want to be again. And the 'me' I never was and 'never want to be' included watching these folks in the lobby sitting side by side as if coupled, dating, married or whatever BOTH sitting there ignoring one another while texting on their phones.

My phone is usually at the bottom of my handbag or in my back pocket. Yes, with reactions like this one I shall probably remain a social pariah with few people phoning me ever so no need to keep it handy to answer the latest text or follow the latest twitter of facebook because someone just burped or something. Watching these people who'd just traveled across highways and bi-ways to arrive at this location only to walk around with their phones lighted in their hands as if being led by a leash just turned my stomach.

What was the point? Where's the mindful living? Does even a relaxing social event like dinner AT the move have to be multitasked with the rest of your life? Do those shiny blinking colorful little rectangles have such a hold on you, your life and your leisure time they must be attended to at all times? Do you get why I don't have one now nor will avoid getting one with every fiber of strength in my body and soul?

So officially, I don't like movie theaters as a social event. It's dark, loud, there's no way to pause and give discussion to the scene just watched. It's like being held prisoner for two hours. It's like school, with unruly students and a substitute teacher. You don't have to pay attention but you can't leave. Sit & deal with it. I could possibly see the merits of it as an individual activity, one to which I go middle of the day when the crowd is less and I could just sit quietly in the center of the theater and really get absorbed into the movie. I cannot take this chaos. And I know I am the ONLY one in there because everyone else seemed quite content so I know it's my horrid, judging, snooty lacking, not theirs. I take responsibility that it's my short-fall.

And finally, as I've been a complete and utter witch in this journal, I'll go ahead and add this: I have not been to Kaddy's home in over 15 years and she has become a total slob. You know that standard empty 'please excuse the mess' we all give when visitors come because the kids sneakers are on the dining room table and they hang their jackets up on the floor... not that. I get that. I'm not so witchy that I criticize homes that are truly lived in. I'm talking about trash on the floor (gum wrappers, etc) and it's a shame because she has beautiful hardwood floors. Her home reeked from the smell of dishes everywhere with food dried on them (so, no, I'm not pointing out 'oh my, there were dishes in the sink) because they were everywhere, even on the floor in the hall.) Apparently her daughter has a bed wetting issue and my heart goes out to that because Blondie had one too growing up and I stripped those sheets daily. It was ... horrid. Turned my stomach.

I'd brought Mushy at her insistence. She was really trying to encourage me to spend the night but there was no way I could have done that additionally I was so frustrated at the evening running so much later than planned because I told her I have early plans today. I took Mushy's bed and water bowl with me with plans to put her in the laundry room because Kaddy has a beautiful little toy collie - looks like a little Lassie dog - but I've never let Mushy play with other dogs, especially unsupervised, and didn't want to worry about the two of them while we were gone. I had to ask Kaddy to let me sweep the laundry room... gum wrappers, scraps of paper, nails, loose change, etc... so that my little Hoover (my nickname for Mushy as she just runs around new places with her nose on the carpet trying to suck the foreign objects up --- she's a total challenge at Staples with all of those loose pieces of paper on the floor) wouldn't eat anything. That was the only room in that entire beautiful home beneath smelly filth that was clean.

Her car faired no better. I have a hypersensitive sense of smell and I was already sick at my stomach. I could feel my clothes absorbing it from the carseats and wasn't doing well. I just kept telling myself 'breath... relax... don't run... you can do this...' but it was just as bad as coming home from a bar with clothes reeking of cigarette smoke. My sense of smell is so strong that when we were sitting in the lobby waiting for the movie to ever freaking begin seating I said, 'I smell eggrolls...' and she said 'really?' Yeah, really. From the kitchen that was in another room down the hallway.

So what other ugly things can I say as I've been a complete and utter witch this morning? Meh. That's it. It's all out, I feel better. I don't like recognizing this ugly trait in me but it is there and while I shall work on being a little more flexible with plans I won't meet at her home until she cleans that place up. I will be very slow accepting ANY invitation from her ever again and if I do I will drive (and yes, I told her last night... 'had I driven I woulda left your butt there to get a ride home from Donna...) so likely the invites from her will be equally slow coming. I definitely know that 'going to the movies' won't be in my wheelhouse for socializing.

As I began - the rating of five is because there were no accidents or injuries. I think I did give much mindful attention to my evening, probably too mindful, but to borrow that well worn cliche, "it is what it is, was what it was, just won't be again if I have anything to do with it.'

Sorry for being so ugly. I'm gonna go dress now as Grace will be here in an hour. I feel better. Out with the bad; room for a good day now. Hope you have one as well.

Bells