ms_hajah's Journal, 21 July 2013

I think it's good that you are looking to get back on track. Personally 16lb gained over two years doesn't sound too bad to me. It's not ideal, but it's recoverable for sure. Congrats on getting married! Granted this is based on very limited info, but the way you describe your husband talking to you sounds sort of like sabotage. Hopefully that's not intentional. (Have you talked to him about your goals and the impact his comments have on you?) I know that changing cooking habits can be a big obstacle. I have a harder time telling myself to stop eating, especially when I KNOW I am full, if there is a lot of food still on the table. Somehow too I often end up making a lot more than I need to out of paranoia that there won't be enough. Good luck on your journey! 

Thanks MrsTofu, it's great to finally be surrounded by like-minded buddies. In regard to my husband's comments I definitely believe that there is an element of sabotage but without him fully understanding the psychology of it all, I think it's easier for him if I'm not as disciplined with my eating because then I can't challenge him to do the same. A much larger issue is that as a black woman, my experience is that many black men enjoy the more "curvy" hips, thighs & butt. I actually love my curves, but unfortunately I am small breasted so it's not a very proportional look for me. Ultimately, he loves and supports me at whatever size I want to be. I lost a majority of my weight (60 lbs) during our early years together and I felt absolutely wonderful. I admit I looked slightly unhealthy but I attribute that to the lack of exercise and almost zero muscle tone. I'm not one to lose (or gain) weight for someone else, at the end of the day I want to feel good for ME! Thanks for the well wishes on my journey, I'm definitely going to need it as I try to jump start everything once again... :)  

It is so much harder to stay on track when you have to cook for others! When it was just me and my husband it was ok because he would eat whatever I cooked. With a 3 year old and a baby I'm lucky if three of us are eating the same thing. Sometimes it is just easier to eat what I make for the other people. We will both find our balance again. Good luck with your fresh start!