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Good Morning! Thank you all for the massive amount of support yesterday, it's easier to get through the day with so many wonderful people behind you. I was quick to apologize to the hubs, actually as soon as I posted the journal I sent him a message. He reciprocated, and I went to the gym to try to beat out some of the heartache. Got a good hour worth of intense cardio, and truly did feel better after. Of course then the hubs had to ask what I was so stressed out about anyway.... so dense. Then I get to hear "Yolanda, you're too sensitive". Been hearing that my whole life. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not too sensitive, I'm just surrounded by a bunch of assholes. :-)
Anywho, I survived yesterday, and based on that evidence I'm going to conclude that I will survive today as well. I worked the morning shift this morning and I'll be going back at three, but until then it's just me and my son here at home on this rainy day. I intend to enjoy it as much as humanly possible. Got some laundry going, a roast in the crockpot, planning on working with my dumbbell and kettle bell for a while. It's going to be a good late morning/early afternoon.
I didn't weigh in this morning, in the midst of the 'getting everyone ready' chaos I actually forgot. Scale seems slow moving this week, always is when you get to the last pound in a decade of numbers. Come on 80's! I did calculate my averages for the last six days though and I have been making my one thousand calorie deficits, so it's coming whether it wants to or not. While dressing in the dark at five a.m. I accidently grabbed a pair of jeans I had been avoiding because they were a little snug, and they slid on pretty easily so that was a pleasant surprise and a sure sign that good things are happening.
It has been hard being around my brother so much, now that he has moved back in with mom. He doesn't even have to say or do anything, his presence literally sucks all of the energy out of me, emotionally and physically. Yesterday he told me he is the way he is because he was spoiled as a child. Are you F'n serious? I replied "yes, you are truly a victim of circumstance." He retorted by telling me how much I am just like our mother. I didn't reply to that one. It's exhausting, I was in bed by eight thirty last night. I have learned however, that he is a huge trigger for emotional eating, which I have not given in to in any way, shape, or form, but it is interesting to note how much more appealing those high carb snacks are when he is around. Soon I will be in nursing school, and I will have no reason to go over there regularly. Ah, what a relief that will be.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day, and thank you again for being the best group of buddies a girl could ask for. :-)
Diet Calendar Entry for 03 April 2014:
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1515 kcal
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Fat: 73.60g | Prot: 104.24g | Carb: 105.60g.
Breakfast: Great Value Vanilla Caramel Coffee Creamer, Bolthouse Farms Salsa Ranch Yogurt Dressing, Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese, La Tortilla Factory Whole Wheat Low Carb & Low Fat Tortillas, Egg, Egg White, Bertolli Olive Oil, Hillshire Farm Lite Smoked Sausage, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Turkey Stuffing, Kraft Shake 'n Bake Extra Crispy, Tasty Bird Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs. Dinner: Betty Crocker Scalloped Potatoes, Rump Roast. Snacks/Other: Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt - Strawberry (Container), Kellogg's FiberPlus Antioxidants Chewy Bars - Dark Chocolate Almond. more...
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 Comments
Good morning Yolanda. I just wanted to say that I feel I am also sensitive and the problem I think is that nobody cares that I am. I don't think it is a bad thing. Don't know if telling your brother it's time to grow up would help but victim mentality seems to plague a lot of people. I am happy that you won't have to expose yourself to him once you start your schooling. For me family stuff has been a very hard thing to get away from. I feel for them but I am only one person and I don't have anything really to give. Anyway, have a wonderful day with your son. Create some memories for both of you.
03 Apr 14 by member: LadyBea40
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You are a fighter and a survivor, like you said you will survive today too, and tomorrow and everyday. I am very proud of you for holding your ground on the eating part and I hope today and everyday gets better and easier for you. Hope you have a great day
03 Apr 14 by member: SherrieC
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Wow you are doing so well. The daily chaos and ups and downs just know we are all going through them with you. Ugh and hubby arguments while trying to do this and stay focused are the WORST! But looks like you did the right thing by exercising to get time to yourself and clear your mind. Amazing job!
03 Apr 14 by member: lovergirl654
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So glad yesterday got better. I'm maybe not as sensitive but at times it definitely seems like I'm surrounded by assholes! Of course it will always be your fault whatever happens ... or so they'll say - "you're too sensitive" "you made me annoyed" "It's not my fault I'm an asshole, I was spoiled as a child (WTF??)" You sound like you're actually coping with it all very well and the occasional stressed outburst is better for you than bottling it all up.
Ignore them and think about your birthday on Saturday and how you're going to celebrate then make sure you remove all those annoyances that might mess it up for you - you've done brilliantly well and you'll continue to do so :)
03 Apr 14 by member: Phooka
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Kudos to you. I'd heard that a lot - I could growl and cage fight anyone but Cutty - one sharp word or silent treatment from him and I was a puddle. Weird how that happens, aye?
03 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella
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One day at a time...like that Gospel song says.
03 Apr 14 by member: madanjen
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I'd like to say I was thinking of the gospel song, but just yesterday I was singing, "One Day at a Time" theme song from show of the same name. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0uZBBvaKGc> Do NOT ask me why it popped into my head and I remembered ALL the lyrics...go figure. So, I'm truly committed to making my 'one' life the best it can be and managing whatever uncertainties come my way. Losing weight one day at a time so my life is more healthful, long and enjoyable.
03 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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I'm glad you guys made up and you got some of that stress out. Sometimes people, like your brother, make excuses for why they are the way they are instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. I had some traumatic experiences in my life and turned to alcohol in college using those things as an excuse, but one day I took a good look at myself and realized that I could either pick myself up and move on or just keep making excuses and go down a bad path. I'm glad I chose to take control of my life and move on, but I had to make that choice for myself. I hope your brother has that moment some day. Even if he's still emotionally draining to you, you're taking some of the control in your relationship back by not giving in to emotional eating. You're going to see those 80's in no time. Good luck!!
03 Apr 14 by member: mars2kids
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i have kind of a similar thing with my sister, though frankly, i haven't talked to her enough to know what her excuses may or may not be. just lately, my nephew has been provoking the same sort of reaction.
life's too short for me to try and straighten out people who can't get their acts together.
03 Apr 14 by member: timconard
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I could relate a lot to what you said!
03 Apr 14 by member: Kris AZ
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"Life would be grand...if it weren't for the people." That's the way I truly feel sometimes (and family can be worse than strangers)! I'm glad you see some of the triggers brother ignites that leads to self-sabotage. Agreeing with all the posters, esp., Tim, "life's too short..." Take your life One Day at a Time and drop the saboteurs off at the gate!
03 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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Hi Yo, welcome back. I love reading your posts and I think you know I do respect you, and like the way you live your life. I have two comments really and one of them is not very pleasant at all, but it is relevant, I think to your situation, in fact scarily so. I have the pleasure of working with two very fine people within our group of dealerships, a guy (Mick) and his daughter (Jaylea). Yesterday was the funeral for Mick's only son, Jays only brother. He didn't make his 27th birthday. He got into smoking dope at high school, and progressed from there to much harder drugs. Over the years he would steal, lie cheat or do anything to feed his habit, and it resulted in some mental health issues. His parent did everything they could to help, Jay even bought a house with him thinking that some responsibility might help get him on track, of course we all knew it was doomed to failure and she is left with some serious debt and bad credit. His mum and dad, and Jay always were there for him, trying to help, giving him unconditional love no matter what he did. Sadly his dad and he stopped talking to each other, but Mick never turned his son out on the street. He was on methadone but that didn't stop him, and he spiralled ever lower, dragging everyone down with him until just over a week ago he hung himself from an patio roof right in front of a window he knew his mother sits at so his body would be the first thing she saw when she sat down - even in death he tried to inflict as much pain as he could. he left no note, and up until he did it, everyone thought he was doing as well as he had at any time the family as you can imagine are devastated. I guess what Im trying to point out in my obtuse way is firstly I understand what you're going through, but more importantly His problems were of his own making, and as a family you can only do so much to help. This guy put his family through living hell for ten years, and they now live with guilt they didn't do enough, while we all know they did more than enough. So I guess all I can say is, try to find the good in him and hope sometime he gets his act together and takes responsibility for his own actions and life, and climbs out from under, and don't let his poor life choices spoil your life, yes he is your brother, and you love him, but he did this to himself and if he is strong enough he can stop it. all you can give him is love and support, the rest is up to him.
Second thing is IM glad you and hubby made up. I don't think you are too sensitive, but hubby, like most men (including me) are not sensitive enough, its in our make up, that's who and what we are. trying to make us more sensitive is like crying at the moon.
Have a great day :)
03 Apr 14 by member: Kingstephen
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