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Weight History
showing entries 1 to 5 of 19
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10 April 2014
It's so odd to read prior journal entries and it's like someone else wrote them. I don't know why that is. They are my words and thoughts. Weird.
My life keeps changing. Now I'm in a place I totally did not see coming three weeks ago. I thought I would work at COJ until I retired. It's been rough, but I planned on hanging in there until I could leave at in 3 years and 3 months, when I turned 58. I planned to stay longer if the situation improved, but that was doubtful. I've seen Sue dislike (even hate) so many people at work. Last year I thought we had finally gotten to a place where she trusted me and we could work together harmoniously, at least most of the time. I shouldn't have told her Leslie and Al were coming to my wedding. I should have taken the chance that she wouldn't show. If she had come to the wedding, I don't think these past 6 months would have been any worse. I wish I would have never told her they were going to be there and taken the chance.
But, hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?
I don't regret walking out of work on 3/21. It saddens me that I was brushed off like I'm nothing and don't matter. That Mark would not listen to a word I had to say. I was surprised that my UI was denied. How could they not see that COJ didn't follow policy with my complaint? Wow.
What I want now is to move on. I don't want to appeal the UI decision. I sent a request for my retirement benefits, to see what I would get a month after I turn 55 in July. Maybe I can be retired. Maybe I can find a part-time job that I love. Maybe I can find a full-time job that I love. But if I could get enough money from WRS, with the child support I'm still getting and what Monty pays....maybe I could pay my monthly bills and just chill. Be the housewife I always wanted to be. I'm not sure how Kevin would feel about that.
I know things will work out the way they are supposed to. Not having Sue's toxic "aura" around me every day can only be, and will always be, a good thing for me.
Life isn't fair. Bad people do come out ahead. A lot of the time. But my revenge will be happiness. And peace in my life. No more crying at work or home because she has yet again treated me like I'm a piece of shit. I don't have to listen to her berate me, or threaten to fire me, or call me a liar, or give me the silent treatment for days on end, or try to catch me making a mistake every second of every day. I am done with her. I have suffered at her hands long enough. That is what drove me to walk out of the office. That is what I couldn't take one second more of. I could not have one more battle with her, when we talked about what I was going to do that morning on the phone. I think she set me up because she had two opportunities to tell me to do things differently, and she didn't. Two hours later she is pissed. Three hours later she is yelling at me on the phone and hung up on me. She is straight up a bitch and she's had it in for me since October 9th of last year. Leslie keeps talking about Karma. Yeah, Karma. Will Karma get her ass in the end? I currently have my doubts. But her life is nothing. Nothing but work and Wald. And I have to believe she is suffering trying to do all the work I did, especially when she didn't even know what I did most of the time. She is the most uninvolved manager I've ever known. She can't be bothered with anything except what she thinks is important. Unless something is done wrong. Or she thinks something is done wrong. Or she conveniently forgets how something has been changed. She puts all her energy into work, even though she wouldn't get much done. I think her days of strolling in mid-morning are over. I'm sure Mark is looking over her shoulder. Her three hour lunches with Wald are over. I'm made out to be the POS that left everyone hanging. I wonder how Sue puts that all together in her head to make it ok? She knows the things she's said to me since October. She knows what a bitch she's been to me. What does she say to herself that makes it ok? How is anything about her ok? She has no love in her life. None. She has Wald but he's even crazier than she is. That is definitely a relationship made in hell. But they both have their behavior when it matters down to a science. Somehow they get their way. Somehow they are untouchable. All I can do is shake my head, because it's so unbelievable.
So, to move on. I've been applying for jobs. Jobs that I think I would like and am qualified for. Only one company has called me for an interview and I didn't go because it was collections of money on the phone and I know I would hate that job. Hate it. I've applied for about 20 jobs and nothing.
What I need is a day to day plan. Right now, when my days are free. Plans to make myself better. I always say I want to lose weight, quit smoking, exercise, keep the house clean. I've been working on all those things, but quite haphazardly.
(1 comment)
04 April 2014
Weigh-in:
240.0 lb
lost so far:
4.0 lb
still to go:
90.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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gaining 0.4 lb a week
22 October 2012
Ate two dark chocolate coconut cream Russel Stover pumpkins on Saturday. I didn't eat them both at the same time, not that that matters. I was craving sweets for two days and I couldn't stop myself. Sigh.
But, I'm still in ketosis and it didn't ruin my eating after that. Didn't gain any weight. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. What matters is not being able to fight the craving. I don't want to be that person that can't control their food cravings. And I am that person. I will always be that person.
Weigh-in:
213.0 lb
lost so far:
31.0 lb
still to go:
63.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
(1 comment)
losing 3.1 lb a week
13 October 2012
My shoes are getting too big! :)
Weigh-in:
217.0 lb
lost so far:
27.0 lb
still to go:
67.0 lb
Diet followed 100%
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losing 5.0 lb a week
06 October 2012
I did not have a very good weight loss week - only two pounds. While I would have liked to have more, I'm okay. In total, I've lost 21 pounds. That is fantastic!! I'm sure next week will be better and I'm really looking at the calories, fat and carbs I consume this week. It will be just fine. I am back in my favorite pair of jeans and that's makes me very happy. :)
I am really considering quitting smoking again. AGAIN. I do want to quit smoking. It is a hassle, expensive and unhealthy. It causes a lot of stress. And I just bought a new car today! I could use the extra money on my car payment and I sure do not want to smoke in my beautiful new car. I didn't smoke in it on the way home today. Even without the car, I have been thinking about it. I'm changing my lifestyle to be healthier and slimmer. Not smoking just seems to go along with that naturally. I had made a deal with myself this morning that if I got the car today, I would quit. So it's in my head now and my first big decision is how? Do I go cold turkey (ugh) or use nicotine patches? The patches do help, but going cold turkey means that nicotine will be out of my system sooner than 8 weeks on the patch. Something to think about, for sure.
Weigh-in:
222.0 lb
lost so far:
22.0 lb
still to go:
72.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
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losing 4.2 lb a week
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