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Saturday and the sun is actually shining!!! I might have to go outside and rub some of that on my face!
Yesterday I noticed something interesting about how I am thinking about eating. Be patient with me because this is difficult for me to explain. My thoughts aren't really conscious ... it's more like a nagging feeling that I am just now becoming aware of. I'm feeling very good about me these days. Even though I'm not at my "goal" I am much less worried about arriving, less worried about scale fluctuations, and feeling very comfortable in my own skin. I am still walking down the path and do want to reach my goal ... I'm just more "matter-of-fact" I guess about the process.
Day-to-day I am pretty much following the same routine I've followed since I started this most recent leg of my journey in January. I have eaten out more often since my husband and I now share common days off ... we've been reacquainting ourselves with each other!! LOL!! So ... I'm not eating exotic things ... I am still calorie consumption and expenditure. When I am enjoying myself, like yesterday as I bit into my double turkey 6" subway sandwich, I feel like I am doing something "wrong." It isn't a strong feeling but it is there. I have to consciously push it away. It's like I have a little negative person sitting on my shoulder telling me things like ... "you know, you aren't really normal"; "you better be careful if you like food that much you'll be 300 lbs again in nothing flat"; "how long do you really think this will last?" ...
Totally annoying!!!! It is this mixture of excitement and fear I guess I have right now. I feel so absolutely wonderful and am so excited that I am feeling well. And, it is true. I have been here before ... and I am afraid it will not last. The difference this time is that I am talking about it with my husband and mother and all of you good friends. I have never continued to weigh ... never really worked on maintenance. I've only lost weight and then kicked up my heels and then lost weight again (repeatedly!!!!). This time I will continue to weigh because Frank (my scale) keeps me honest with myself. I also will continue to exercise because I feel better when I do and it keeps my metabolism cooking. If I enjoy a treat I enjoy a treat ... but I will not look at food at "good" or "bad" ... so that I do not fall into the trap of thinking "well I've already blown it I might as well eat ....." I will remember to drink enough water so I don't confuse hunger with thirst. I will ask myself questions like ... are you hungry or thirsty? what would you really enjoy right now? what are you hungry for? I will no longer beat up on myself for enjoying my food and drink. I will no longer beat up on myself for being less than perfect.
Whew. That's enough for today. Those of you that read this ... thanks for listening ...
Off to do the laundry, ride my elliptical, and rub some of that North Idaho Sunshine on my face!!!! Have a fabulous day ... continue to be kind to yourselves and each other ... and let me know how your journeys are coming!!
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189.0 lb
Lost so far: 70.2 lb.
Still to go: 4.0 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 09 May 2009:
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1266 kcal
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Fat: 23.06g | Prot: 83.61g | Carb: 189.97g.
Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water. Lunch: Best Foods Light Mayonnaise, deli turkey slices, pita pocket, tomato slices, dill pickle chips, red onion. Dinner: Mexican Rice, cooked shrimp. Snacks/Other: Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy French Vanilla, Luna Brownie, special k honey nut bar, Zone Perfect Chocolate Caramel. more...
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3203 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Elliptical - 1 hour and 16 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 44 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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losing 5.6 lb a week
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 Comments
Slather sunscreen on before you start rubbing that sun all over your face. The sun is shining here too but the wind cuts and is making it quite cool out. Love your outlook, keep it up. Your weight loss history just keeps going down, down, down. Please lose the fear of gaining it back, keep doing what you are doing and you will be fine~~~~~for life. :-)
09 May 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
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Thank CANDO!!!! I believe the fear of gaining will dissipate in time. I think it will take me maintaining for a while ... being able to have some time under my belt and continuing to practice conscious healthy living!! LOL!!! I KNOW I can be okay for life ... that is a step in the right direction ... I don't think I've ever felt this way before!! Have a glorious day ... even if the wind is cool at least the sun is shining!!
09 May 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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I know exactly what you are feeling. I also have been down and back up several times in my life and never really "made it" to a maintenance program. I think its a valid concern...its not possible to be completely comfortable with such a large change. You look different and feel different...even if its better it still feels strange. I also really know that "well I already blew it" feeling. More than anything else the feeling of "well I already blew it, might as well eat" is the one I hope to fight for the rest of my life. I think the best we can do is be aware of what you're feeling and know that its not a bad thing. You said it before, you need to swim around in this new feeling for awhile. I think it will get more and more comfortable. For me things are happening more slowly but I can already feel that tug of being different. I told a couple guys at the bike shop the other day that I was down 27 with 41 to go and got "congrats but you're crazy to be thinking about 41 more"...maybe I am but "I" need to be the one that is comfortable with the idea of being 172...and you need to stay comfortable where you are and heading to your ultimate goal. Stay the course, keeo writing and talking. Jim
09 May 09 by member: jchickos
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Jim, thanks. I agree with you ... I'd too like more than anything else to fight that "well I already blew it, might as well eat" response. I know I will need to swim around in this for quite a while before I find a new balance. Indeed, I will keep writing, continue to explore my self-talk, my squishy feelings, and will stay the course. It will be okay ... I will be okay ...
09 May 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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