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Wooohoooooo!!!! YES! Today I faced temptation and have overcome!!!!!
My former foster sister had invited me to her son's birthday party. I hadn't seen her in almost a decade and was excited and uncertain about seeing her again. It turned out well IMO, it was really nice getting to see her and her little boy. (Her son is only half a year younger than my daughter. Wen my foster sister first invited me one of the reasons I was looking forward to going was for a chance to have Eliana play with someone her age. It turns out too that she likes bowling. :P)
The party was at a bowling alley, and there was really nothing I could eat there. I had only a handful of appetizers and was wary that already things were a wash for today RDI-wise. Yet I still didn't binge (even knowing that a slice of pizza was easily 300 calories or more and seeing how greasy it was, food like that still looks good to me when I am hungry). I made a small dinner for myself when I got home, not knowing how close to or over my RDI I was. I still don't know how accurate my snack (party food) info was, but it seems a reasonable guess.
In the end I feel a thrill of victory that I knew I was tempted several times during the day, but I resisted. I had made cookies to take to my foster sister's party. I sampled a small piece of one to test how the batches came out. (Partially out of preference and partially out of necessity I wound up halving the amounts of sugar and shortening in the recipe.) I ended up making 64 oreo sized Chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. A few got a little too 'well done' on the bottom, so I used a knife to scratch the burnt edge off. Some of the cookies simply crumbled while I was trying to do this and I had wanted to eat more of them after the prerequisite nibble. I almost gave in, but then I remembered that I am not a prisoner to my impulses. I didn't have to heed the desire to eat it when I knew I shouldn't. This time knowing I had that power helped bolster my will to resist. I know this is grace.
In general I am really amazed and humbled by the sense of peace I've had today. Amidst other people's moodiness and my own tendencies towards anxiety I know G-d was speaking to me. I have been trying to pray more. It is not something that comes naturally to me yet. I wasn't raised knowing how to pray, but now I know how imperative it is and so I try to pray even though it feels awkward to me and I usually feel like I'm 'doing it wrong'.
Legalism is something I know I've gotten caught up in a lot before I believed in G-d. And still after being convicted that G-d is who He says He is and pursuing faith in Him, I've often found myself slipping back into the same pattern of futile thought and behavior. However, knowing that I've done this I have begun praying more to seek G-d's help in changing.
I think this is why I have had as much peace today as I've had. Knowing G-d and recognizing how to be obedient to Him has helped me to persevere. I know G-d expects excellence; however, I know also that He doesn't test me, He doesn't allow me to experience trials greater than I can bear. Therefore, I know that though it is difficult, this challenge is not insurmountable and today I have seen that become reality. :)
Diet Calendar Entries for 05 February 2011:
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1449 kcal
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Fat: 29.20g | Prot: 77.65g | Carb: 229.84g.
Breakfast: trader joes dinner rolls, Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal, Egg White, banana, almonds, orange. Lunch: normandy style, jack daniels beef. Dinner: Applegate farms oven roasted turkey, Low Moisture Part Skim Shredded Mozzarella Cheese, Quick sesame green beans, van camp beans. Snacks/Other: 8th continent, bran flakes, jalapeno jack cheese, jalapeno popper, sweet potato wedge. more...
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1815 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Cooking - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Bowling - 15 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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