*Starshine*'s Journal, 16 October 2013

So true and bless you for writing it. As much as we say it's for health reasons, and it is, getting it off definitely helps with the confidence. Maybe it's the internal 'I am strong enough to do this. If I can stare down a streudal, I can stare down the students...' feeling, I don't know. I know I don't have to explain or PROVE myself at this weight compared to when I was heavier. Am I smarter? No. Better, more honest, etc.,? No & NO. But it's true, and to deny it is delusional. Many people, esp young, have that prejudice and they learned it from somewhere so it exists. One less thing to have to hurdle, right? 

So wonderful, startrekker! I'm so happy for you. Isn't it great to feel thin and confident in the same situations where in the past you would have felt fat and uncomfortable? I went to a parent meeting at my son's school last night for his jazz band. It was in the auditorium and in the past I would have sat in the 3rd, 4th or 5th row. Last night I sat right up in the front row and was even able to cross my legs for a while. I felt like a different kind of woman, someone who I could not have imagined becoming. What an awesome feeling! I can't even imagine how much better it will feel when I reach goal in 65 more pounds! 

So proud of you, kkd125 -- and your son must be too! Are you dressing differently now too? Indeed, how's your race to the party-dress going? Hope you're keeping it bright and clear in your mind, when you're busy sweating off the calories. And yes, it's true Bella that, even tho' weight shouldn't make us different to other people, it really does. That may be contemptible in some ways but, if our own attitudes to ourselves changes at different weights, how can we expect anything else of other people? And I can empathize with the students, as they struggle to resolve the mental conflict. It's contentious to say it out loud but the students plainly find it hard to align the respect they may feel for an authority figure's knowledge, achievements, character, etc with the visuals of a person who's can't get to grips with their weight. That said, my husband teaches at college level too and some of his colleagues have to sit down while they teach, because they're too heavy to handle an hour on their feet... Of course, how much our health is affected by our weight varies with each individual BUT there are also obviously valid reasons why medics have 'healthy' weight categories and others that are less so... Dealing with my own weight issue is and always will be about a variety of issues but, whether we like it or not, what we weigh clearly changes what other people think of us. And it alters how we relate to other people too, because it changes how we think of ourselves, as well as how we feel in our own skins. Even though I've still got just over 40 lbs to lose, I've noticed a dramatic change in how people treat me. They treat the slimmer-me much better than the fatter-me, whether they're men or women, young or old. They're friendlier, more respectful, politer. It's a bit of a shock actually, to think that I'd sort of got used to people treating me worse! At the same time, despite benefiting from this now, it still makes me angry. People gain weight for many reasons, yet they seem to be judged equally harshly. Can I just note, too, that here in the UK, there's a growing national debate about obesity, partly because everyone pays for everyone else's healthcare, under the National Health Service. In these tough economic times, there's growing irritation about taxpayers having to pay for expensive surgeries, medications and sturdier hospital equipment, needed for obese patients. And it's being fuelled by some pretty vicious rhetoric, like this article about 'fatties' (the columnist's label, not mine) in The Spectator this week: http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/9049971/the-battle-of-the-bulge/. Ultimately, I guess we have to accept that students, me, you and everybody else is subject to some outrageously confusing and even contradictory cultural mores, judgments and expectations. But as you say, Bella, I'm just relieved to have one less prejudice and hurdle to overcome. 

Well done you! My emails are not sending or receiving last 2days but we did manage to set up the Tanita Scales you so generously gave us. Mail you bout it more when I can!  

Startrekker, yes I am dressing a bit differently. Since it's now fall (although in LA fall just means slightly cooler temperatures about once a week), I'm wearing "skinny" type jeans (size 16 now, with stretch) tucked into mid-calf boots! I haven't ever worn jeans tucked into boots. It's the first fashionable trend I'm able to pull off. wearing these new jeans today for the first time feels so good. No belt, no extra bunched up material around the tummy/crotch area and no saggy butt like I've been experiencing wearing my too big jeans the last few months. This weekend my husband told me that there's not much of me left (ha ha, yes I have 65 pounds to go), but I told him, "But, I still have enough in all the right places, right?" He just grinned. All these little non-scale victories are so much more thrilling than what the scale says. 

I've pasted the full text of The Spectator article to a forum title 'Are you a "fattie"?' Well worth a read.