|
Down another pound, but not happy. Went shopping with my 16-year-old-daughter yesterday for a homecoming dress. As I was waiting while she was in the dressing room (trying on size 0 and 00 dresses), I "saw" myself for the first time in a long time. Even though I've lost 10 lbs since Aug 23, I was surprised at how large I still am. I was wearing a black sundress (size XS) and it looked like a tent.
I started thinking about how much I weighed and when. When we moved out to LA in 1999, I was 135 lbs, which is at the high end of my ideal weight range, but still within that range. Over the next 10 years, I gained about 10 lbs. I remember weighing about 140 lbs before my son was born in 2002. I realized that, as recently as Sept. 2009, I was about 145 lbs. I remember wearing a size 4 black St. John suit at an event that month. Yes, I was 10 lbs overweight, but I carried it pretty well. In Jan 2010, at my last doctor's appointment, I was 155 lbs, 2 lbs less than now. Though my vitals were excellent, my doctor told me that I was approaching obesity and needed to lose weight. I remember feeling surprised and instead of losing weight, I promptly gained weight until I reached 167.
All my life, I have struggled with my weight but I've pretty much kept it in check until this past year when I just let go and ate what I wanted. I can't attribute it to any self-loathing or fear of rejection. Professionally, the past 3 years have been the best of my life. I'm blessed with a supportive husband of 19 years and 2 great kids.
I think my increasing age, slowing metabolism and an attitude of "I'm entitled to enjoy" are to blame. Gosh, if I can't enjoy everything now, when can I? I realize that the Atkins WOE is working for me. I'm slowly losing that excess weight that I had gained over the past 15 months. But I'm still not reconciled with the notion that I can't "have it all" and eat everything that others get to eat.
Last night, we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. The kids ate cheese quesadilla and chips, their main courses and finished off with banana/chocolate bread pudding for dessert. My hubby and I looked at each other and sighed. Their young metabolisms don't have a problem with those foods, but us old fogies do. We had our salad, halibut, sauteed veggies (I ate the zucchini and left over the carrots). No dessert, though I did splurge with a margarita made with guava wine, instead of tequila, my first drink in a while (and it really hit me; I let hubby drive home). Is this what it'll be like the rest of our lives? I'm grateful that I'm not hungry as I lose weight, but the prospect of never enjoying some of the treats of life does seem like a significant price to pay.
Diet Calendar Entries for 10 October 2010:
|
1156 kcal
|
Fat: 59.85g | Prot: 97.43g | Carb: 23.78g.
Lunch: Baked or Broiled Shrimp, jasmine tea, water, shrimp dumpling, smelt. Dinner: tea, radish, bean sprouts, mixed greens, beef short rib. Snacks/Other: jarlsberg, water. more...
|
|
2430 kcal
|
Activities & Exercise:
Driving - 1 hour, Sitting - 11 hours, Shopping - 1 hour, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 45 minutes, Resting - 2 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
|
|