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The wedding is now two weeks away, and I have sabotaged any chances of success for being my goal weight for the wedding. I can blame it on a lot of things: stress from fieldwork, the bridal shower/bachelorette party, Easter candy, zero free time, etc. but ultimately it's my fault that I didn't have enough will power to remain in control of my eating habits. I am somewhat disgusted with myself. I have two weeks now, and I will do everything in my power to crash diet for the next two weeks to try to get as close to 170 as I possibly can. I have seen it done on the Biggest Loser, and I can do it too. At this point, I know it wont' be "healthy" weight loss, especially because I won't be using methods that can be maintained for the long term. But this is a life event that I will remember for a lifetime, and I want to be somewhat happy with myself. I put a lot of importance on the way I look physically, and it does affect me in other ways: socially, emotionally, in my intimate relationships and friendships, and overall just how I feel about myself. I am thinking of living on a low carb, mostly fruits, veggies and protein diet for the next two weeks, and killing myself at the gym. The gym is going to be the hardest part, finding the motivation to go after the long days at my internship. But people do it every day, so why on earth can't I? I will do it. If I can somehow drop about 10 pounds in two weeks I will be amazed at myself and the level of willpower I can show for short periods of time... then it will be onto the long term plan again to be sexy for the summer (i.e. the ability to wear a two piece bathing suit, or not feel like a fatty in a one piece.) Im lucky that I haven't really gained weight, although I haven't weighed myself at home in the morning in a quite a while. I feel a bit bloated and overall pretty crappy, because I let myself get into a downward spiral of sugar addiction that started a few days before Easter when my boyfriend's mom gave us both a basket of candy. I should have just thrown it away, but I ended up eating a good bit of it, then my mom had a basket of candy that I like better, and I was eating away at that too. Because of that, because during my first two weeks at my now fieldwork I was eating crappy foods every day, and because I haven't been getting in fruits and veggies like I should, I now feel sluggish, I have acne, my skin is a weird pale color, my stomach is bloated outwards, and I feel like crap about myself. I haven't lost weight in over a month. This is why I am so frustrated with myself, and the wedding is why I will be doing everything I can do drop a considerable amount of weight in a short time. I haven't been 170 in forever, it's time to at least flirt with that weight! I can do this!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 April 2012:
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1398 kcal
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Fat: 63.57g | Prot: 54.50g | Carb: 118.97g.
Breakfast: banana, egg. Lunch: Fudge Cookies (Includes Trolley Cakes, Cake-Type), Molasses Cookies, Pistachio Nuts. Dinner: grilled chicken, Cooked Mussels. Snacks/Other: cheddar cheese, peanuts, fig newton, bbq corn chips, Lite Beer. more...
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2098 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 10 minutes, Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 10 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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