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Today is May 17, 2009
Today marks the day of a new journey. Today marks the day unlike any other day that I have experienced in my entire 30 years of life. Today marks the day for the true warrior in me. Today marks the real fight for my life!
I have been given a challenge unlike any other challenge thus far. This challenge will push me physically but even more mentally. It is not about a game face nor is about competing, it is about the quality and values that I have for my life. That is "That I live and not die"!
In mentioning this challenge to friends, no one, I mean no one understands my fear, my concerns, and my resistance. I know that once I start I will see it through to completion! That is the fight that I have fought my entire life. Being that I come from such brokenness in my childhood and growing up being told that I could not achieve my dreams; ticks me off! When the doctor told me that there would be “NO” other way for me to loose the weight other than gastro bypass surgery, all I heard was “he said that I can’t” (which took me back to my childhood). It is funny how when you are a child with such hope and such dreams being told that you cannot achieve a goal, for whatever mankind may feel that you lack, can really make a soldier! I just want to say “YES I CAN” and I will prove it!
It is not easy to overcome the struggle of weight, as many of you may know. I fight it every day of my life. I see it when I walk pass the mirror. I hear it in people’s comments and jokes. However, now through this challenge I have to face my psyche. I have to go back to my childhood and deal with the scars and the wounds of the past. That is the only way that I will let go and not hide behind the weight any longer. The weight became a defense and a shield to protect my emotions and my heart.
Now, let me just tell you the challenge is to run (I mean run). Some of you may say what is the big deal; just run. However, let me tell you what run means to me. Run: to move at a fast pace to avoid danger to get out of harms way, to escape, to accomplish a goal that is moved by motion, to run means to endure! Now that is my psyche… If I run…I have to endure!
This is the raw truth and the reasoning behind my emotions with weight gain. In part, some of these are reasons why I have held onto the pounds for so long.
Here is a scripture that I would like to share:
Isaiah 54: 11-12
“O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. 12. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones.”
See I am being made over…
This is my catch and my release.
The Butterfly~
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