showing entries 1 to 5 of 6
Page:   1   2  Next

21 November 2013

20 November 2013

19 November 2013

18 November 2013

17 November 2013

Today is Sunday. It is abut 6 in the evening or so. I am depressed and lonely. We got married a litter over 8 years ago and have been together just over 10 years. Since we were married, my husband doesn't like to have sex with me. It has been an on going "battle" - only for lack of a better word. I have gone out of my comfort zone many many times, just to be rejected. Many reasons or excuses have been offered and many promises made and NEVER kept. Just about 8 or 9 months ago, he gently let me know that since men are stimulated visually, maybe my weight gain was the problem. OK YEAH! I'm heave, but I was heavy when we got married, Hell, I was heavy when he asked me and when we dated. WTF Actually, the day he said that I was about 20 pounds lighter than when we got married and a full two sizes smaller. Devastated is the only way to describe how I felt and continue to feel. I know that sex is not the end all beat all to a healthy relationship, but I have desires and feelings. I am becoming a very bitter and resentful woman. Depressed, introvert and feeling worthless and helpless. Three months ago I joind a gym, I have lost about 10 pounds since he dropped his fatty bomb on me. I go to boot camp twice per week. All though recently I have gotten him to go with. No body every encourages me or offers words of motivation in any way in my live. No body ever notices the changes I make or the effort. I cut and colored my hair and not one person has said a word. I got some new clothes - again nothing. It is getting really hard to keep on track with getting up at 5 am 4 days a week to hit the gym. What do I do. I mean this is not entirely on him. I have never been the girl to be asked to dance or really attract attention. I have no idea how to feel better. I told the Dr. that I was sad all the time, but I am not going to take pills. Now writing this I ramble. So much is on my mind. I get no sleep. I have aches and pains and lots of tears. "Faking it" when Im asked how I am is getting so easy I don't know I'm even doing it - I think. When someone asks you how you are, what do I say - I'm depressed and I know not one of you assholes would notice if I was gone! Ok enough is enough. Maybe I can use this site to self motivate myself some more. I hope to loose 45 pounds during this next 12 or 14 months or so. For no particular reason then maybe I should set a goal. Something to look forward to with no possible chance at a real reward. Probably no one will notice except my Dr., but good luck for that, he hasn't even noticed the 10 I've lost all ready. :(

Other Related Links

Members



fattypantsbatman's weight history


Get the app
    
© 2024 FatSecret. All rights reserved.