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Weight History
showing entries 1 to 5 of 6
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21 November 2013
Boot Camp Tonight!!!!! She always kicks my arse. Oh man, it is getting a little less painful though, so I guess that's good. I always get a really good sweat on and burn burn burn. :)
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20 November 2013
What day is it!!!!! Hump Day.Yeah!
Went to the gym this morning. Feeling it in my hips more than usual. Hope it means something is about to happen. The scales haven't moved for a while. My fault cause I'm not doing well on what goes in my mouth, but now that I'm tracking here on FS and journaling, I notice an awareness I didn't have before. Still not quite making the best choices, but now I'm thinking. That next step is on the verge. :)
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19 November 2013
Raining like crazy today. Didn't get up this morning to go to the gym. Going to boot camp after work instead. My damn insomnia is back so my sleep the last several nights has sucked! My eating habbits also suck. I turn to food in the afternoons mostly, after work or when I am alone. Just this drive takes over to eat and eat. Slowly I am changing out the food choices in the house from crap to veggies and what nots. Then I hope I don't stand there and just open the fridge and look in and not choose the right thing. I do that all the time..........
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18 November 2013
Today is a "butter side down" day...... BOOOOOOO!
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17 November 2013
Today is Sunday. It is abut 6 in the evening or so. I am depressed and lonely. We got married a litter over 8 years ago and have been together just over 10 years. Since we were married, my husband doesn't like to have sex with me. It has been an on going "battle" - only for lack of a better word. I have gone out of my comfort zone many many times, just to be rejected. Many reasons or excuses have been offered and many promises made and NEVER kept. Just about 8 or 9 months ago, he gently let me know that since men are stimulated visually, maybe my weight gain was the problem. OK YEAH! I'm heave, but I was heavy when we got married, Hell, I was heavy when he asked me and when we dated. WTF Actually, the day he said that I was about 20 pounds lighter than when we got married and a full two sizes smaller. Devastated is the only way to describe how I felt and continue to feel. I know that sex is not the end all beat all to a healthy relationship, but I have desires and feelings. I am becoming a very bitter and resentful woman. Depressed, introvert and feeling worthless and helpless. Three months ago I joind a gym, I have lost about 10 pounds since he dropped his fatty bomb on me. I go to boot camp twice per week. All though recently I have gotten him to go with. No body every encourages me or offers words of motivation in any way in my live. No body ever notices the changes I make or the effort. I cut and colored my hair and not one person has said a word. I got some new clothes - again nothing. It is getting really hard to keep on track with getting up at 5 am 4 days a week to hit the gym. What do I do. I mean this is not entirely on him. I have never been the girl to be asked to dance or really attract attention. I have no idea how to feel better. I told the Dr. that I was sad all the time, but I am not going to take pills. Now writing this I ramble. So much is on my mind. I get no sleep. I have aches and pains and lots of tears. "Faking it" when Im asked how I am is getting so easy I don't know I'm even doing it - I think. When someone asks you how you are, what do I say - I'm depressed and I know not one of you assholes would notice if I was gone! Ok enough is enough. Maybe I can use this site to self motivate myself some more. I hope to loose 45 pounds during this next 12 or 14 months or so. For no particular reason then maybe I should set a goal. Something to look forward to with no possible chance at a real reward. Probably no one will notice except my Dr., but good luck for that, he hasn't even noticed the 10 I've lost all ready. :(
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