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One day down, got to the gym last night. I was able to do about 23 minutes on the elliptical burned about 300 calories, and then did 3 reps of 15 of biceps at 45lb, 4 reps of 15 of thighs at 80 lbs and 3 reps of 15 of back at 50 lbs-- I think not really sure but it felt good to get back and not force myself to go on the elliptical til I was in more pain from boredom than exhaustion. Foot seems ok today. Hurt some while ellipiticalling. My knees weren't too keen about it either still a little sore from dancing last weekend I am thinking.
I have a goal of going to the gym in some shape or form every day til the end of the month. Hope to make it. And would love to stay in my calories. I just need to remember how good it felt (to make love, to walk around, to dance) to be in the 250's and how much I loved shopping in smaller sizes and when I started getting into 16's.
Today I bought some sale jeans in size 22 I got them for about a 3rd of their normal price so that was awesome. I can fit into 20's but I am not liking how they look, plus if the winter is cold this will allow me fitting more long underwear beneath things. Alot of my weight gain came back in my belly. I know it is silly to buy something I am hoping to not wear longer than a couple months.. but I want to feel comfortable the better I feel about how I look will help me not to go looking for comfort in food.
My relationship is really feeding my insecurity lately. And I so have the baby blues. I talked to my gynocologist about what weight I should aim to get to to start thinking about getting pregant and she said anything below 40% bmi. So that made me feel better because I had always heard 30% bmi which would techically mean not obese. My goal is still hit my 100 lb mark at the very least which is 239lbs which would put me at 38.6%bmi--I want to be there by my 32nd birthday but I know if I work hard I can get there before. As long as I keep uninjured and healthy.
I started school a couple weeks ago. I like it but I wish it was just all Art classes. Right now I am taking a bio lab. Still thinking about starting to write again--starting a novel or something of the sort. I think if I did I would write something based on what I have gone through being the other woman and such.
That probably doesnt sound good. But I need to start not seeing myself in such a bad light. I know this is my fault some. It is my fault I cannot give up on him. And maybe my fault he cannot give up on me. But he also won't give up anything for me.. And that is what makes me want to run away. I used to want to runaway to canada.. not sure where I want to runaway now. Because the best place I have ever been is where ever I am with him. And we get to be together. In a loving way.
I am so tired of hiding.
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295.6 lb
Lost so far: 43.4 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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losing 9.8 lb a week
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