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Journal to me. I am beginning to think that I am on the wrong site since all I seem to do the last little while is write about all the negative things that I am experiencing. This dark cloud just will not lift, and I am being constantly haunted by the munchie monster. I have gone from a poor appetite at best to wanting to do nothing but fill my face with all the foods that I know are not good for me and will damage me both physically, emotionally and mentally. This weekend for example I am terrified to step on that dreaded scale because I know that it will be some astronomical number that will only confirm what a lazy cow I have been. How have I allowed myself to slip into this state again? Where did my I'm a bombshell feeling go? When did I stop accepting the positive vibes that only a week or so ago where so strong it felt like I was busting at the seams with them!
What am I doing wrong? At what point did I start to drift away from my goal that seemed tangible, but now has slipped back into a day dream of looking and feeling healthy and sexy. So many questions float through my mind this morning.
I would love to say to me, pull up those socks and get at it again. You have to do this, get off that pity pot and actually work on your goal. Make my dream a reality.
Perhaps I need to approach this in a new direction. Pretend like I have never done this before. Start from the bottom and work my way up. Stop dwelling on failure and concentrate on the small achievements. Or re-start a childhood chart where I get a star on the calendar when I have done something positive like drink water, exercise, eaten the healthy foods. Maybe just maybe that will be the ticket, the visual confirmation that I myself need to "lift" this dark and dreary shade of grey that I am living in!
Now comes the time when I will re-read this journal in a couple of days and answer all my own questions. Yes I definitely need to purchase some stars!
I can and I will turn all this around, with a new mindset!
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 January 2012:
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1499 kcal
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Fat: 38.86g | Prot: 59.43g | Carb: 247.19g.
Breakfast: Coffee, No Calorie Sweetener (Packets), Sugar, Fat Free Soy Milk, Cheerios Honey Nut, Raisin Bran. Lunch: Green Tea, No Calorie Sweetener (Packets), Strawberry Jam, Peanut Butter, Whole Wheat Bread. Dinner: Tap Water, Grape Juice, Whole Wheat Tortilla, Veggie Slices Cheddar Flavor, Veggie Burger. Snacks/Other: Smooth Peanut Butter Light, Whole Wheat Tortilla, Brownie, Diet Soda, No Calorie Sweetener (Packets), Herbal Tea. more...
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1855 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Housework - 2 hours and 30 minutes, Shopping - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Resting - 12 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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