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Okay so I haven't journaled in awhile but I been on here logging and stuff. Anyway I have a vent. I have been doing really well, with the exception of my birthday, and I had to work a week to get the extra weight off that I gained from it. Anyway, DH SAY that he supports me...that is easy to say. We are getting ready to travel to Pittsburgh this week to see his daughter and then to Georgia to see my family while he and I both work out of Georgia offices. Now Saturday we went down to work with his sister and we had breakfast together...I had bacon and eggs. He had half a sandwich for lunch and both his sister and I had a piece of beef jerky. They wanted to go to Chinese for dinner and I actually had some crab rangoon and then I had mongolian beef. So yesterday he tells me that it is not fun going out to eat with me because I have to look and see what I can eat in my phone. What the fuck?????!!!!!!?????? That we are getting ready to go on vacation and he needed to say something to me now because he didn't want us to get in an argument on vacation if we go out and I don't eat. WTF! That if he had to eat alone he would be mad. I don't know where the hell this came from. He never has to eat alone. I cook two meals for us MANY times. Not to mention that he should be eating like me because he is a damn diabetic. I told him that he says that he supports me but I don't feel it. That I eat the way he SHOULD be eating and if he decided to eat better then at least it wouldn't be so hard on him because I would not be eating other shit in front of him. That I DON'T want to get diabetes not to mention the fact that when I eat the gluten it makes me feel like crap. He said something along the lines of I am confused sometimes you eat and sometimes you don't. I said If you think this is easy it is not. I told you before that carbs are addictive for me. So it is NOT easy to just look at them and be around them and not eat them even when I know they are not good for me. No different than sugar may not make you feel like crap but it is not good for you and you still eat it. Anyway, I started crying and honestly I am still pissed off at him. I will let it go, but I feel like if it is a choice then he can just be pissed off. I will choose my health this time. I told him that I did not need to feel like if we go out I have to eat something that isn't good for me just to make him FEEL good. Of course he said "I have never made you do that and wouldn't" BUT when we were out last Tuesday he complained was he going to have 'drink alone' because I wasn't having a drink. I just don't get it. I think more than anything it reminds him that he is not eating the way he should. I am going to pack my scale and take it on vacation, but I know he would freak out if he saw it. He told me that he can't tell when I gain weight, BUT I can. I told him that I can tell and that it is my responsibility to take care of myself and be healthy and when I start gaining weight I need to do something about it. So anyway I just needed to vent. I cannot convey just how much he hurt me. I have been feeling over the past few weeks that he doesn't support me and I have never felt like that. He needs to get his head wrapped around what he needs to do to be healthy. I am not his 'police'. He said, "I can't eat flax" I said, "no one is making you eat flax. I cook separate meals for us so you can have the things that you LIKE and WANT." Oh my God! I am so mad about this. However, I will continue to stay my course. I will continue to eat healthier and take care of me. He will either get over it or he won't, but I refuse to be unhealthy so he feels comfy about it all.
Thanks for letting me vent. I just need prayers to help me get over this hurt now.
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 August 2014:
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1289 kcal
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Fat: 97.89g | Prot: 84.03g | Carb: 4.39g.
Breakfast: LouAna Pure Coconut Oil, Green Mountain Coffee French Vanilla Iced Coffee K-Cup, Torani Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup. Lunch: Guy Fieri Buffalo Wing Sauce, Challenge Salted Butter, Chicken Wing (Skin Eaten). Dinner: Tillamook Shredded Mexican Blend Cheese, Armour Lower Sodium Pepperoni. Snacks/Other: Go Raw Pizza Flax Snax, Rockstar Inc Diet Rockstar Energy Drink (Large Can), Crystal Light Energy Peach Mango, Beef Jerky. more...
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3045 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Calisthenics (heavy, e.g. pushups) - 5 minutes, Shopping - 10 minutes, Driving - 7 minutes, treadmill 2.0m - 37 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 6 hours and 31 minutes. more...
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