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Yesterday I did REALLY badly. I knew I had blown it and was discouraged. I felt bad and wanted to taste food so I was barely holding back from indulging my impulses--which is plainly evident by what I ate. I knew I shouldn't have eaten the additional helpings of chicken bake, and the bread pudding, and cereal, but I did anyway. I ate even after I knew I was full. :(
I don't know what's worse. The fact that I'm expecting my weight to go up because my self control is lacking, or the fact that from time to time I see my weight drop. (I weighed in last officially at 150 because I wanted to make the weigh in deadline for the week;; however the next morning I stepped on the scale and it said 148.5 again. Today it said 147.5.) I know I've been eating more than I should. And I haven't been exercising as much as I should. Therefore, if I am losing weight, that seems to indicate the weight loss isn't good weight loss, ie., muscle and water weight instead of fat. (Should I count standing as 'exercise' because I was on my feet for about 3 or 4 hours straight trimming fat from chicken? I try to remember that I don't want to count activity that is part of my normal activity level as exercise since that would be a misrepresentation. Yet sometimes I don't know what amount of time exceeds my normal activity and can be considered exercise.)
Also, I'm really, REALLY edgy today. I want to stuff my face.
I know I shouldn't. (I'm gnashing on steamed string beans instead of inhaling the fruit and cereals that are tempting me.) The internal struggle, plus the fact that so many little things the people around me are doing are just grating on me. I feel trapped and angry and miserable. Thinking about it though isn't helping; I just want to cry. :(
Diet Calendar Entries for 24 December 2010:
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1593 kcal
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Fat: 37.84g | Prot: 123.58g | Carb: 192.71g.
Breakfast: Challah Egg Bread, rice chex, designer whey, Egg White, banana. Lunch: green beans, Bruschetta Chicken Bake. Dinner: Apples, cheese pizza, normandy vegetables, sweet potato, Baked Salmon With Peppercorn Crust. Snacks/Other: egg white, walnuts. more...
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1657 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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