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2 journals in 1 day -- so, not like me, but in keeping with expressing my emotions instead of eating them, here i go! And, I warn you, it won't be pretty! Please don't feel you need to reply as I just really need to vent!
I'm fuming as I got a text message from DH this morning asking me to reconsider having his sister & family stay with us the week before we all go to Lake George for the family reunion week. (He has already taken on almost all of the planning, prep & expense for the reunion week which he then nonchalantly delegates to me, including a party for 60-70.) I discussed all this with him & settled it with his sister (who I love dearly) that for that week before, he & my son would all be working & I'll be busy finalizing the reunion, packing, working myself etc. She & her family have stayed at our lake cottage for the last several summers, but apparently, now her husband will be away on business Mon & Tues. So, I'm composing an email to DH that I cannot do it, am already at my wits edge about this whole vacation & offering that he can stay with her at the lake on the nights her husband is away if he'd feel better. I'll write it tactfully & will word it to best state my case in an non-argumentative way, but am boiling inside. While it was ok for me to move overseas with a newborn, toddler & a husband who regularly traveled for his work, he can't have his sister bring her school age kids back to her home state into a cottage that she's stayed in several times before, in a town she used to live in with her newly widowed mother nearby. What the F! Sorry, remember I warned you & am venting here! Anyway, he asked that I think about it & we can discuss tonight, but instead I'll email him later this afternoon so I can calmly but firmly state my case. While I know I cannot give in, I'm already feeling guilty, but know I'll feel worse if I agree to something that I just cannot and do not want to do. I need to take care of myself too & maintain my own health and sanity. We already do so much for his entire family, he never asks for any help from them in return & expects me to go along. Well, not this time!
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 Comments
Do what you gotta do girl! Venting is good and I get your having to. Wow I feel overwhelmed for you. Good luck with the outcome. And hang in there
11 Jun 13 by member: petuniak
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By all means take CARE of you in this whole thing. So is it that DH thinks his sister is too fragile to stay at the cottage alone? I know the 'why' doesn't matter in the face of him trying to force you to take on more chore than needed but sometimes getting the other person to explain their reasoning puts clearer holes in their logic than just blowing them apart with a single shot... just a suggestion. Good on you for venting and no way am I trying to pretend I know the patterns by which you and DH communicate. It's too bad he is heaping so much frustration on you with this reunion as it seems to be causing a disconnection... what is that line from the movie... 'the man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck and she turns the head..' maybe you could turn his head to a direction where he feels less pressure to be the patriarch so he too can relax (and thereby less pressure being passed to you, his wife...)
11 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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Hi Ruth, vent away - it will help you talk to DH without steam coming out your ears, I hope. I am amazed that you haven't torn his head off yet but I know that's not your style. So hope the email gets his attention. If you state to him what you stated to us - that her kids are school aged, and that she is familiar with the area and has stayed there before, blah, blah blah - maybe he'll see sense. I like your other suggestion that if he so bloody worried he can stay with her those 2 nights - LOL. Hope it all gets resolved peacefully and that you can keep the sugar beast at bay while you do battle. So not easy to maintain a healthy food balance when you want to choke the living shit of somebody who deserves it :)
11 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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FS censored my "s###" you know what I meant the stuff that comes out a man's mouth - stupid crap - stupid FS!
11 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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Wait a minute, Isabel, are you saying I don't have to worry about typing four letter words, that FS will automatically edit them for me? Geez... for months now I've been holding back! I can't imagine a marriage so civil email was involved ~ that's kind of cool ~ our's always communicates on the screaming stuff flinging level.
11 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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Thanks so much, my friends! Venting is sooooo much better than stuffing with food. DH & our habit of emailing really came out of necessity since he travels and/or works such long hours. Most of our verbal communication takes place on the weekends & definitely our best talks, as after work, he's either still stressed from his day and/or I'm tired & winding down, and many mornings, one of us is rushing to get somewhere. Anyway, while it's not ideal for everyone, it seems to work best for us. (But as you may recall, that last screaming match certainly felt good to me!) Also, he negotiates financial deals for a living, so he's a natural at it, so I also fare better if I can write down my thoughts & be sure I say them the way I want to rather than in the heat of the moment. So, I'm sending my email now & will let you know how it goes. And, again, thank you soooooo much for all your never-ending support & love. I truly don't know what I'm do with out you! xoxox
11 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
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Oh I completely understand the necessity for it (email) but sometimes the things that speak loudest are the things we do not say. Had I rec'd such an email my 'lack of response' would have really kept him on pins & needles ... I'm just saying... will be standing by to hear his response! I'm in your corner!
11 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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wow! That's something. I hope tha guilt goes away as quickly as it came.
11 Jun 13 by member: Helewis
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Glad you felt you could vent on FS, rather than turn to food. Men just don't seem to understand, how much work and stress is involved, in catering for other people, especially that many! Because they see us do it, and do it well, they think itis easy and we don't mind. Well ... Sometimes we DO mind. The email was a good move, it allowed you to put your point across in a thought out, logical way, without getting emotional or angry. Hope it all turns out well..... And DEFINATELY don't feel guilty.
11 Jun 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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OMG! We've been back & forth a couple times now & even though he continues to pile on the guilt, I'm holding my ground. Had to share that his last comment was that we'd both regret putting them at the lake -- wanted to reply that I 'm just regretting marrying him -- LOL. Hoping he'll comply to my last request to put it to rest as I won't change my mind on this.
11 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
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Good for you... Stick with it. Your health and sanity are important :-)
11 Jun 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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Thanks for updates. Glad you are holding your ground. Men, can't live with them, can't shoot them. And thanks for your lovely comment on my journal. You are a honey and he doesn't deserve you - at least not right know when he is being a pain in the rear!
11 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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