pam-u-la's Journal, 03 November 2012

#11

It's a beautiful Saturday! The sun is actually shining!

Here is how my day yesterday unfolded : there was a tragedy at work, one of the ladies From the plant floor passed away. It was sad and the emotions on the plant floor ran high which is completely understandable. Really hit home about how precious life is! Then I was talking to another co-worker because I felt compelled to make sure everyone was alright. I'm just so sensitive to these situations, and like a sponge absorb their pain like I can lessen the hurt in someway. Anyways when I was speaking to another co-worker I actually admitted something that I had not told anyone whom I worked with. We were talking about suicide since both of us have lost people to it. Here's what I admitted I am a suicide survivor, not just once but twice. I was amazed when she completely understood. Afterwards tho instead of feeling good about it I started to worry. Complete irrational feelings overtook me with such force that concentration on the work I had to do was totally gone. Needless to say by the time the work day was over I was exhausted. I came straight home and tried to relax and to get my thoughts in order. I was also in a lot of physical pain to because my right side of my abdomen was cramping badly and it hurt to move. Yet another thing to worry about, but today the pain has eased a bit. I'm still slightly concerned. I did promise my roomate before he left that I if it got really sever I would go to emerge. I really hope it does not come to that at all.
Anyways today is a new day, and the beginning of a lovely weekend. I have lots to do, which I will slowly work on throughout the day. One thing that will definately be done is getting out in the sun. A nice long walk is in order.

That's about it for now.. I hope that everyone has a good day!

Grateful for:
Family
My job and some really awesome co-workers
Saturdays
Life.. No matter how good or bad! I am alive
Guardians who guide me
And of course all my supportive and encouraging buddies

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Comments 
I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety and cramping over this incident. I was just listening to a podcast yesterday in which a suicide expert, who is a suicide survivor himself, said that 10-25% of the population has had suicidal thoughts at one time or another. So more people understand than you realize! The expert was from Australia but I bet the numbers are similar in US and Canada, too. I am a 2x suicide survivor, too. I am very open about it because it's part of my job and I regularly give talks about my recovery. It's never completely comfortable and always makes me anxious but I think that sharing our experiences helps promote understanding and erase stigma. Afterward people thank me for helping them understand and have hope. It sounds like you found an understanding person to disclose to. Even if she has not had suicidal thoughts herself, I'm sure she has already been striving to understand the experience of suicide since she lost her loved one to it. I hope your abdomen and brain feel better and that this is the beginning of a positive new friendship at work! 
04 Nov 12 by member: cindylynnwho
Thank you Cindy. You are an inspiration. I do feel better today!  
04 Nov 12 by member: pam-u-la
aw, I'm so glad! 
04 Nov 12 by member: cindylynnwho

     
 

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