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03 April 2018

REALLY angry at myself for allowing it to get this bad. I am now at the heaviest I've ever been NOT pregnant. :'( I didn't actually weigh myself. I'm guessing based on my weight from 2 months ago. I know I'm heavier now. It doesn't help that when I figured out how heavy I was, I got discouraged & depressed, and just ate because I thought: "what's the point? I'm never going to lose this now." But today, is a new day. Enough is enough. I can't keep beating myself up because it's NOT helping. Yes, there was A LOT more stress and worries on my plate these last few months...heck, entire last year too.....but I NEED to find a way to push through and see if I actually AM able to get back to the healthier me that I was before I moved here. I just feel so disheartened right now. I hate what I see in the mirror. HATE. I hate that I hate myself. How can I teach my kids (or any child I come across) to love themselves, if I don't even feel that way towards myself??? Today is my first day back on FatSecret and my first day back of "determined DAILY workouts". First day back was rough. Tomorrow will be even worse. I'm not going to lie to you or myself and say, "yeah, I'll be totally motivated" tomorrow. It WILL be a struggle. I WILL have to force myself to push through my negative thinking. And I WILL still hate what I see in the mirror............but hopefully...HOPEFULLY....that won't last forever. HOPEFULLY....I'll be proud of myself again. HOPEFULLY.....I'll stop crying because I look and feel like crap. PLEASE HELP ME get there FatSecret. I'm looking straight ahead...and can only see miles and miles of what "feels" like an incredibly impossible journey. I already want to give up and I've only just started. I just want to be a better me....physically, emotionally, mentally.....FOR me, my family, friends, and anyone I come across. There's a quote from Aragorn in LotR (Lord of the Rings), that has been constantly replaying in my head: "I give hope to men, but leave none for myself". That is exactly how I feel.... :'(

*TODAY'S WORKOUT*
1) Running App: 22 minutes (too tired to complete the full 35 minutes)
2) Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" w/ weights
-Jumping Jacks: 2 x 20
-Pushups: 2 x 5
-Squats w/ Overhead Press (two 8lb. weights): 2 x 18
-Crunches: 25
-Lower Ab Crunches: 2 x 10
-Jumping Jacks: 2 x 30
-Butt Kicks: 2 x 30
-Oblique Crunches: 1 x 20 each side
-Flies w/ 8lb. weights: 2 x 30
-Rows w/ (2) 8lb. weights: 2 x 15
-Lunges w/ (2) 8lb. weights: 1 x 20 each side
-Jump Rope: 2 x 30
-Squatting Punches: 2 x 25
-Bicycle Crunches: 1 x 45
-Standing Oblique Crunches w/ 10lb. kettlebell: 2 x 25
-Jumping Jacks: 30
-Butt Kicks: 30
-Squatting Punches: 30
-Jump Rope: 30
-Single Arm Overhead Press w/ 10lb. kettlebell: 2 x 15 each side

Weigh-in: 155.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 37.0 lb

Diet followed poorly

(13 comments) gaining 0.4 lb a week

04 August 2017

Weigh-in: 140.2 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 22.2 lb

Diet followed poorly

(2 comments) gaining 3.7 lb a week

26 July 2017

I just can't seem to get down past 135 and actually STAY there. I got more steps in and worked out a little longer yesterday, and I still managed to gain 4oz. Grrrrrr! Forcing myself to get some kind of workout in today even though it STILL doesn't seem to be helping. This is extremely frustrating. . . . :( Will update with workout as I'm going through it...

TODAY'S WORKOUT..
Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" with weights
-Pushups: 2 sets of 8 (men's)
-Squatting Overhead Press: 2 sets of 20 (w/ two 8lb. weights)
-Crunches: 2 sets of 30
-Reverse Crunches: 2 sets of 15
-Leg Lifts: 2 sets of 10
-Lunges: 1 set of 25 ea./leg (INCREASED to two 15lb. weights)
-Butterflies: 2 sets of 25 (w/ two 12lb. weights)
-Tricep Pulls: 2 sets of 15 (w/ two 12lb. weights)
-Jumping Jacks: 60
-Jump Rope: 37
-Jumping Jacks: 30
-Jump Rope: 37
-Jumping Jacks 30
-Bicycle Crunches: 50
-Jog in Place: 75
-Punches: 30
-Bicycle Crunches: 50
-Jog in Place: 75
-Punches: 30
-Standing Oblique Twists: 30 (w/ one 12lb. weight)
-Standing Oblique Twists: 30 (w/ one 12lb. weight)
-Jumping Jacks: 30
-Jog in Place: 75
-Punches: 30
-Jump Rope: 37

Weigh-in: 135.4 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 17.4 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(1 comment) gaining 2.8 lb a week

25 July 2017

So, I didn't get as many steps in yesterday. Nor did I work out double like I tried to do the few weeks before. I DID do better at watching my food intake though, and was more mindful of what I was doing. I also drank more water than normal because my salt intake was higher last Friday-Sunday, so I was trying to flush as much of that out. All of this seemed to help. The hard part will be trying to find time to workout today and then PUSH myself to work out. I've got to meet with our home builder (first time new home owners! YAY!) and then get my kids fed and down for naps so that I can actually have time to do SOMETHING....like workout. This is a stressful week. My motivation level is at an all-time low, so pushing myself to push myself is a struggle. Wish me luck! Will update if I get a workout in.

{{UPDATE}}

**TODAY'S WORKOUT**
Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" w/ weights
-High Knees: 2 sets of 30 (?)
-Push-ups: 2 sets of 8 (men's)
-Squatting Overhead Press: 2 sets of 20 (two 8lb. weights)
-Standing Oblique Twists: 2 sets of 25 (one 12lb. weight)
-Jumping Jacks: 2 sets of 30
-Crunches: 2 sets of 30
-Reverse Crunches: 1 set of 15
-Leg Lifts: 2 sets of 10
-Jumping Jacks: 2 sets of 30
-Jump Rope: 2 sets of 35
-Bicycle Crunches: 2 sets of 50
-Jog in Place: 2 sets of 60
-Punches: 2 sets of 30
-Butterflies: 2 sets of 25 (two 12lb. weights)
-Tricep Pulls: 2 sets of 15 (two 12lb. weights)
-Rows: 2 sets of 15
-Lunges: 1 set of 25 ea./leg (two 12lb. weights)
-Jumping Jacks: 30
-Jump Rope: 35
-Jog in Place: 60
-Punches: 30
-Outward Squats: 2 sets of 10 (one 15lb. weight)

Weigh-in: 135.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 17.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 23.8 lb a week

24 July 2017

I always screw myself over on the weekends. But actually, I was already feeling down. On Friday, I weighed in and found that I was 5lbs. heavier than the day before! WTH! I guess I got discouraged and just gave in this weekend. I figured, wth....I worked out hard last week, and I've got nothing to show for it. How the hell did I gain 5lb over night? Could two bowls of "fake pho" really do that? It's mostly soup! And I loaded it with napa cabbage and spinach. There were only a few pieces of thin cut beef in there. Maybe the broth seasoning was too salty? I don't know.... Either way, it's got me feeling down and discouraged. It's raining today, so can't take kids to the playground. Just going to have to try and push myself to workout in the house. But if Walk/Jogging in the morning and video workouts after lunch couldn't do anything for me last week, I doubt 25 minutes of video workout is going to do anything for me today. :( Yes, I'm having a pity party. No, I'm not inviting anyone. :(

**UPDATE...
TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" (w/ 8lb. and 12lb. weights)
((10:17-10:45 a.m.)))
-Push-ups: 2 sets of 8 (men's)
-Over Head Squats: 2 sets of 20 (two 8lb. weights)
-Jumping Jacks: 2 sets of 30
-Crunches: 1 set of 25
-Reverse Crunches: 1 set of 15
-Leg Lifts: 2 sets of 10
-Jumping Jacks: 2 sets of 30
-Jump Rope: 2 sets of 30
-Bicycle Crunches: 1 set of 45
-Rows: 2 sets of 13
-Lunges: 1 set of 20 ea./side (two 12lb. weights)
-Jog in Place: 2 sets of 50
-Punches: 2 sets of 30
-Standing Oblique Twists: 2 sets of 25 (one 12lb. weight)
-Butterflies: 2 sets of 25 (two 12lb. weights)
-Prone Pull-Downs: 2 sets of 10 (two 12lb. weights)
-Jumping Jacks: 30
-Jog in Place: 50
-Punches: 30
-Jump Rope: 30
-Bicycle Crunches: 45

Weigh-in: 138.4 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 20.4 lb

Diet followed poorly

(7 comments) gaining 7.0 lb a week

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