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This is long and rambley.....
(PS TOM started today)
Today is a work day luncheon and so it is a planned cheat. I did not spray last night and will not spray today and will try to stay on a calorie budget but there will be soooo much wonderful food that I don't have high hopes for keeping it together. The theme is Mediterranean and Italian which is probably my absolute favorite food. I will just have to pay the consequences on the scale tomorrow.
Plus I am counting this half round as a do-over for my last not so great job at phase 3. I am now at less than my LSW for that phase 2 so I figure all is good whatever else I make in this half round is a bonus. I figure as long as my LSW for this half round is under 159 I am good to go. I will have to do one more round after this and I hope to be done with the excess weight. I figure life is about enjoying the moments and I plan to enjoy today.
For instance today since I did not spray I am thoroughly enjoying my coffee (coffee counteracts homeopathics and so I usually can not have it during phase 2). I am enjoying the smell and richness of the flavor of every sip.
I listened to a motivation tape yesterday that reminded me that the more you resist a situation the more of that situation you will find you have to deal with. If you change your outlook it affects how you act. Because you have changed how you act it causes the others around you to REact to you differently. The old saying "if you always do what you have always done...." comes to mind of course.
So anyway I don't always remind myself to keep these good thoughts in my head but I am trying to change and stop those old damaged tapes from playing over and over in my head. I am trying to reprogram my thoughts to reflect the new person I choose to be. I am not a Pollyanna...
I realize that I still have the physical world, food, genetics, hypoglycemia, insulin resistance, slow metabolism, and all of that stuff to deal with BUT I also know that if I can change the programing in my thoughts that will go a long way towards changing my brain chemistry which affects all the hormones and other chemicals in the body and maybe change how my body reacts to food. This journey has been all about healing my body. The main thing that attracted me to HCG when I did all the research was that it is supposed to reset the hypothalamus:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothalamus
That reset button is what I have been looking for in all my years of study in natural and alternative healing. Even though I have eaten healthy for the most part I have still struggled with my weight because up until I started HCG I never felt full. As a child I never had a problem with weight. I was active, my mom fed us balanced meals...some sugar but mostly balanced meals in the traditional food pyramid way of eating. Junk food was a very occasional treat. Once I got out on my own though and went to college I lived on McD, taco bell and ramen noodles for a couple of years....I went through a really bad marriage and divorce and gained weight and found out I was hypoglycemic in 1993. I went through several stress related illnesses and infections at that time and my body basically quit.
Thus began my research for almost 20 years into nutrition and natural health. I started with the diabetic diet recommended for hypoglycemia as well and found that even the carbs allowed on that diet triggered in me overeating which was a serious problem. I switched to Atkins and lost about 30 pounds and got back to 165. I plateaued there for a verrrrry long time. I began to think I would never get past that point and became acclimated to just being 165. I continued to eat on the maintenance phase of the diabetic diet. I still tended to over eat even those healthy whole foods though. Over the years I would inch up in weight, go on a diet, get back down to 165 plateau there for a while...give up and go back to maintenance again. I tried several diets along the way and in more recent years I had inched up to 175 and stayed there for a few years. I continued to eat a diabetic style diet though and stayed far away from sugar except for a few times a year around the holidays and such. About a year ago when I went to the Dr I found I had inched up to 200....Weird how easy it is to not notice these things. I had high cholesterol and even though my blood pressure was fine (actually in the low normal range) with my family history my Dr was concerned about the cholesterol and the weight.
Anyway, I was then 40 and figured if I didn't solve the problem at 40 it was only going to get harder and my metabolism slower. I launched into all out research into how to get the body to heal its metabolism. I figured with all the research out there that there must be something new that I could try to get my body back on track. Imagine my surprise when I found the research on HCG had been around since the 50's. I looked into the injections but before I went all out and did that I found the homeopathic version. I figured if the homeopathic did not work for me I could always back track and try the injections.
I was extremely excited when I started phase 2 and the weight came off so easily and I did not have any side effects and very little hunger. At the end of round 2 I went to the Dr and had all my blood tests done and found my cholesterol and other markers were now firmly in the good range and I was sooooo happy. I know now that I will be able to take back my health and get to my optimum weight for my health.
I still have lots of issues I have to work on though as I return to that optimal weight and health. I have a great deal of emotional baggage along with the weight. I have years of beating myself up and eating for comfort and filling the void. If I can clear out the emotional triggers that cause me to overeat....***even when it is very healthy foods that I choose to overeat with****....and I can eat normal portions of healthy food I won't have to worry about my weight. I can just enjoy the healthy flavors of the food and eat just enough to supply my body with fuel and be done with the meal.
The difference it that now I really do have hope that I can make it to my goal weight and I know that I have the tools to start to deal with all the other baggage too.
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158.4 lb
Lost so far: 14.2 lb.
Still to go: 23.4 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 23 July 2010:
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2052 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 8 hours, Resting - 8 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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losing 1.4 lb a week
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