Fearlessness is exactly the right word for what is missing. I thought it was confidence but that didn't quite ring true because I know I'm a more than competent person. Fearlessness. That's good! My eldest daughter moved out last month and, much as I wanted her gone and happy, it really made me think about when I was that age and felt I could do anything and had all the time in the world to get it done.
I worked as a photo double, stand-in and stunt person so every job depended on me looking as much like the actress I was doubling as possible. I worked on Stargate SG-1 for 8 of its 10 year run as the stand-in for lead Amanda Tapping so everyday I went to work never knowing what that day would entail. I was hungry all the time because I just never knew if I'd have to put on her wardrobe for some reason to be on camera (they'd just shoot parts of me, not my face) I just don't think life is fun being permanently hungry! That business can really warp your sense of self worth because it's all tied into what your weight is or your what you look like. I think we need to do something slightly fearless everyday for practice! Actually, this journal writing is somewhat fearless because you are exposing intimate feelings to whoever is out there and possibly subjecting yourself to misinterpretation. Ahhh, so what! Full steam ahead!