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Well I am back, I am pretty much the same weight I have been since January. I will have to weigh in next time I have access to a scale. I have been being tempted to jump into a full on low carb diet so I can see the scale go down. But I known that won't work for me, I might lose the weight, but I will be just as unhappy about my weight, and just as obsessed with food as ever. I remember a desperate feeling I had when I had lost all this weight, still wasn't pleased with what was in front of me in the mirror, and remember thinking is this what my life will be like forever? My body changed but my heart hadnt. So I'm here for the support.
While my weights remained the same, there's been a lot of things changing. I listened to an amaizing sermon a few weeks ago that keeps coming to my mind. It was a sermon about marriage, he was talking about how we have been given the perfect spouse not necessarily to make us happy, but to help us become more holy. That the difficult parts of marriage are there just to help us learn to give up more of our selves. And it hit me, this weight I've cursed for so many years, struggled with, hated, thought how unfair it is that I just have to be this way, that I'm one of the unlucky ones with a slow metabolism, etc. I all of a sudden realized that this weight was given to me as a gift from God. Through this struggle I can be brought closer to Him, and there is no greater gift Id want. It's changed the way I look at all the struggles I have. So what is it that I desire to have, self control is number one, I struggle with this through so many areas of my life. I desire to see my worth through God's eyes alone, and no one else's. If I stay this weight, yet my God loves me completely then I can handle that. I want to see myself through His eyes both good and bad. Those are what I'm going to strive for.
So I will be making a commitment to write in my journal at least 3 days a week, to keep myself on track. I do hope to lose weight, I'm going to get back to eating just what my body tells me it needs. I have lost well that way before, but then just fall back to my normal way of eating.
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