|
Good morning everyone! I'm making the best of this new year, and I'm pretty proud of myself. I've made a couple discoveries too.
Now that I'm restarting after a gain I'm noticing some things I don't think I really noticed too much the first time around. It's given me some perspective. Not to toot my own horn, but when I embarked on this journey I was really successful for a long time. After a while you forget what it was like just starting out. I mean truly starting out after your body has completely reset, not just getting back on the wagon after vacation. I've had some issues getting back to healthier, low cal eating and I have some theories why. The shakes and indigestion are two big physical problems I've had over the last couple days. I noticed right away, the first day. I woke up and had some eggs and toast for breakfast. It wasn't two hours before I felt like I was starving to death. Literally shaking I was so hungry. What gives?? I ate something way more nutritious, and I obviously wasn't starving. I have a theory. My prior diet was carbs, carbs, carbs, and a side of carbs please. My body got used to that. Every time I ate my blood sugar would skyrocket and my pancreas would secrete huge amounts of insulin to put all that sugar away (on my hips, thighs and stomach) and get it out of my blood where it could harm my organs. That's all fine and dandy, until I suddenly start eating more balanced meals! My body secreted it's usual amount of insulin and there wasn't enough sugar there, so my blood sugar plummeted leaving me feeling like I was starving to death. That is just my hypothesis, my educated theory, but I have a hunch it's correct. The good news for anyone just starting out and reading this, it only lasted about a day. When I felt like I was dying I ate something whole grain that would digest a little more slowly and hopefully even out he blood sugar. Indigestion? Same thing. Every time you eat your liver (or gallbladder if you still have it) secretes bile into your stomach to break that food down. I've started eating less, but my liver is a little slower to catch on, leaving me with a more acidic gut. Couple of tums have evened that out. So sure, this is mostly a mental process, but I have concluded there are also physical catches that often thwart people before they truly begin. It's not all in your head, but stick with it... your body will adjust! And it's a wonderful thing when it does.
Thank you all for the comments on my previous journal, I am humbled to have the support and admiration of so many!! I am approaching this year holistically, mind body and soul. Weight loss is of course a big part of it, but it's not the only part of it. 2014 was a terrible year for me, and what I've chosen to take away from it is the fact that I'm human. I am not infallible, I struggle. I gained back some weight and I was devastated, but why?? My weight doesn't define me, doesn't directly correlate with my worth or how much I'm loved, and it certainly didn't inhibit my academic performance. My eating habits reflect the control I feel I have over my life, and so much was beyond my control last year. My primary goal this year is to regain control of my life, my life decisions. Building on self confidence and beginning anew. Learning to be proud of my successes and forgiving of my failures.
Bimonthly weigh ins. Ugh. It's hard to stay away from the scale. You might be wondering why I would want to stay away from the scale. It's pretty simple, so that my number doesn't control me. I know what I'm doing, I know how to lose. What to eat, when to eat it, how often to work out, how hard to push myself, I know all that. How could I call it a holistic journey if every other day I was on the scale wondering if maybe I shouldn't have had that extra dollop of sour cream on my chili? Do we even realize how trivial it is?? The scale goes up .2lbs and all of a sudden we are reevaluating every crumb that passes our lips. I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me... I've done that lol. But I know I'm not the only one. I don't want to spend any more time talking myself off the crazy ledge. I know what I'm doing, and I'll trust the process as tempting as that scale might be. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no weigh in!
So the last two days, although not easy peasy lemon squeezy, have been good on the intake front. I am also making progress on the anxiety front. I ended up working eleven hours yesterday, when I had planned to have a long weekend home with my husband. I was pretty bummed about that. My good friend texted me to see if I wanted to have a girls night Saturday night. Immediately I knew that I didn't want to, because I just want to be home with my family before the chaos of class and clinicals starts up next week. I'm a people pleaser by nature, though, so I was trying to think of a good excuse... which causes me anxiety. I took a minute, breathed through it, then honestly told her that I worked a lot this past week (45hours, even with new years day off) and I was just going to spend the weekend with my husband. She understood, no fibs, no excuses. It worked out. My cousin texted me to see if I was going to visit my aunt and grandma before they left for texas. Ah, my dads side of the family. There is anxiety if there ever was any. But I told her I would go Monday, and I have been working through that too. Slowly but surely, working through the stressors and trying to stay centered and in a good place. Focusing on making each individual day the best that it can possibly be, instead of worrying what tomorrow holds. It's not easy to live in the now, but I'm working on it.
On my agenda for today? Taking down the Christmas tree, boo! I love Christmas, and I'm sad to see it go. My husband and I were going to hit the gym today, but he is sick so we probably wont. Plenty of housework to keep me busy though, and hopefully some shopping later! I will have plenty of time to get to the gym when the husband and kids return to school, going to make today the best day it can be.
Much love out to all of you, thanks for stopping to visit me today!! Make it great :)
Diet Calendar Entry for 03 January 2015:
|
1639 kcal
|
Fat: 59.64g | Prot: 91.97g | Carb: 184.41g.
Breakfast: Egg, Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Michael Angelo's Meat Lasagna (11 oz). Dinner: Air Popped Popcorn, Bob Evans Lite Ranch Dressing (Side), Bob Evans Dinner Rolls, Bob Evans Wildfire Grilled Chicken Salad. Snacks/Other: Cafe Escapes Cafe Mocha. more...
|
|