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*Grumble, grumble* Struggling to deal with some disappointment and frustration. On the bright side my method for coping has NOT including eating my feelings/ attempting to find comfort in my leftovers. I feel good about that. I'm not immune to emotional eating or trying to clean the plate to avoid hassles with food storage, etc., but at least right now that temptation is not prevailing over me.
I certainly could use work in the cheerfulness and graciousness department. If there were thought police to arrest and convict me, I'd probably be serving multiple, consecutive life sentences without possibility of parole because sometimes the people we love can be a pain in the butt, and remembering that love does not seek its own will/ wellbeing is like nails on a chalkboard to the selfishness in our own hearts.
In other news, I had a surprise visit from my dad and youngest brother. They had business nearby and had meant to drop of a care package my mom had sent for me. (She mails things like that to my dad's house since she knows I don't share my address with her.) In terms of complicated relationships, the one I have with my mom is up there. In fact, my relationships between myself and her, her dad, and my oldest little brother, are some of the most personally challenging connections I have. (I suppose calling them connections is somewhere around ironic, tragic or paradoxical. I have a hunch that this is because their personalities are all very similar and that they'd all likely be loathe to have that comparison verbalized to them. I don't imagine I'd have the opportunity to tell them even if I thought I should though.)
My mom is an interesting person. Very intelligent. Very gifted artistically. Very eccentric. Very creative. (When I first heard the word "upcycling" I thought of her because she's done stuff like that all the time as far back as I can remember.) Very frustrating sometimes as well. :(
I need to keep a level head, not get so self absorbed and remember the choices I have. One of my top liked famous quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt and it states, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Generalizing that, I know other circumstances don't MAKE me anything, but they definitely push real hard towards certain choices. I am reminded of the line from Genesis 4 where G-d confronts Cain for being sulky. (" 6 The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted?[b] And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for[c] you, but you must rule over it.”") I have little to no control over other people, so I can't stop them from doing things that hurt me, or annoy me. However, I know G-d is going to ask me to answer for my behavior, and I want to be able to not be ashamed of what I'd have to say. Here's hoping G-d recognizes my efforts to seek Him now.
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 Comments
We are no longer a slave to sin when we have Jesus as our Savior. He died to take it away. It is our choice how we react and I know that in seeking God you will be on the right path Just remember none of us are perfect. That is why we needed a Savior in the first place. Hope this made sense.. Sending hugs and prayer your way.
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As an atheist I could present a solid argument to this post but I will refrain as I do not believe that FS is a forum for pushing Christianity which is a flawed belief anyway.
We are all entitled to our opinion and no it did not make sense...sorry
07 Mar 14 by member: Bwy39
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This was a useless comment as it offered no advice just a negative opinion. ^^^^ Sorry you have to deal with this kind of stuff too MrsTofu
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Brian, I'm not sure how/why you are interpreting her encouragement to me as pushing Christianity. I understand the statements she made definitely would not make sense to you, but you weren't the intended audience; the meaning was clear to me. Also, I am willing to hear any argument you may have if you are actually interesting in discussing Biblical theology// Christian living (that's one of my passions). If you are at all familiar with apologists like R.C. Sproul Sr. and Lee Strobel, you would understand why I am highly skeptical as to how "solid" your argument could be.
07 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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Half of my friends and most of my family are not Christian- a few are even very outspoken atheists. While it is a challenging/ frustrating situation to be in sometimes, it can also be good (kind of like being a light to the nations). I have learned more compassion for individual people, but I do confess the whole, Christianity-is-highly-flawed-and-unfounded mentality gets old and grating. I get that not everyone will believe the truth even when they have the evidence staring them in the face, but when people choose to be willfully ignorant and speak with a pretense of intellectual superiority, that bristles me exceedingly. G-d has had to work with me a LOT on that. (Hence why James 1:20, "The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of G-d," seems to come to mind every so often.)
07 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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I just was reading through that last week. :) I agree!
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I hear your struggles and sympathize with you - I struggle daily with the same issues - after my 3rd child I could not shake the depression and that really was hard - my family ignored me and I got very low - if it was not for my children I probably would not be here today - thank god I sort out help from a wonderful gp who perscribed St Johns Wort that really helped me - thanks for sharing - I feel less alone today
07 Mar 14 by member: Jojo3068
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I am glad you are still around and you feel less alone, JoJo! For me postpartum depression was never an issue, but my experience with depression after a miscarriage was kinda like what you described and medication helped me then to get better. While I don't like taking meds, I am glad that they can help and are there when I need them.
07 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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Christian, part of the reason I can remember that verse is because it's one of the passages I memorized. The two largest passages I've ever committed to memory are James 1 and Deuteronomy 6:4-9. If I could find a way to put it to music, I would probably be able to retain MUCH more. Before the Torah existed as a written document it was passed down orally. People often scoff and think, oh like the game "Telephone". Ummm, no. Not at all like that. It was sung. The melodies can be very pretty. When you hear the same melody and words on a regular basis, it sticks with you. It's actually easier for me to recite the passage from Deuteronomy in Hebrew than English because the melody helps me remember where I am and keeps tempo.
07 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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Oh MrsTofu I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage - how truly awful - depression is so terrible - I found that it is such a lonely disease! You cant really talk about it to anyone and certainly when I tried people just said stupid things like 'just be happy' or 'your life is wonderful stop being stupid' - so you shut yourself down and become so much worse till you cant dig yourself out of the hole you dug. I am great most of the time but it does not take much to tip me over the edge
07 Mar 14 by member: Jojo3068
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JoJo, I definitely understand how depression can be debillitating and isolating. I think there is much better public awareness now than there was even 10/15 years ago, so more people are more understanding or at least sympathetic and there is less stigma with it. However, I've learned over the years that it's a difficult to gauge mix of thought control/ lack thereof and biochemical imbalance. I've dealt with both chemical depression (which SUCKS hardcore!!!) and more emotional trauma based depression (still hard, but easier to cope with sometimes because it makes sense). Thankfully for me it was more the latter than the former. Because depression can be a disease of the thought processes, cognitive behavioral therapy can be so effective. One of the most surprising, helpful, and challenging types of therapies I've learned to help with depression comes from my faith and is based on the idea that rather than attempting to rescue a person from their pain, what may be most helpful is being with them in it. As odd as it may sound though I think the mental health trials I've had have been given to me as an opportunity to display the power/ efficacy of something even greater: G-d. Maybe it's foolishness or naivete on my part, but I sort of feel that mental illness is somewhat like my version of Paul's thorn in the side or Esther's "...such a time as this" circumstances.
07 Mar 14 by member: MrsTofu
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I dont think its foolish at all - we are all presented with challenges in life and I guess this one is ours - each different in its own way and how we choose to face it is too our own way - thank you for sharing your story and thoughts - I very much appreciate your honesty - I dont feel so alone and I am grateful to you
08 Mar 14 by member: Jojo3068
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