|
So this is where the plateau is, right around 150lb, but you know what, that's ok. This is the threshold between the easy weight loss and the serious gains and I've been rather complacent about losing weight. I won't fight it, but I'm not really pursuing it either. Z'mesh hayah. ("It is what is.")
At some point I need to reevaluate and determine what am I after. Is it really important to me to lose another 15/20 lb? Am I trying to be more fit (better body comp ratio)? more thin (pure weight loss and/or smaller circumferences for my waist and thighs)? more active? more nutritionally savvy? These goals are not necessarily exclusive of each other, but depending on which I give priority will alter somewhat the strategy I use to reach them.
I don't feel guilty about this, which is nice, so I think I'm in a good place mentally. It's good to be honest. Why am I here? My guess is that there's a lot going on at home. My family has new insurance coverage starting tomorrow. I am excited because the benfits sound nice and I know there's a lot of appts I will need to arrange (mainly infant check ups for my youngest child and specialist appts for my husband, who is reluctantly and apprehensively considering surgery for a GI issue that has been bothering him).
I don't know whether to be amused and impressed or just annoyed, but every time I've called the member services hotline (information gathering to facilitate the transition from our current doctors and health coverage) the rep on the other end has given me a contradicting report. No joke. After 2 or three calls speaking to as many customer service reps, I have yet to hear information that doesn't directly conflict with something I was previously told by a different insurance rep. This isn't all that extreme, but considering the coverage starts tomorrow, we are stuck with it for a year, and there's already been this much inconsistency, I do feel a wee bit nervous as this doesn't seem to bode well for this different company- or at least their customer service branch. :-/ Theoretically it won't matter after tomorrow because the company website is more streamlined so I *should* be able to interact directly with my doctors, set up appts, and the other various perks without having to call their hotline.
I am excited that I now have a working kitchen sink, stove top and dishwasher. My kitchen isn't finished, but it's a LOT more manageable. (It had been totally out of commission for ~2 weeks in late September, when my kids and I were staying with my mom-in-law while DH and some friends tore up and replaced the floor to the main room (combo kitchen/ dining/ living area that accounts for about 50-66% of the finished/ livable space in my house). Then it was bare bones for the past three months. DH, who has had his own health trials has been trying to press on to get me a new kitchen. (I'll need to attend to him while he is in recovery from his future operation, so he's being practical and not fully altruistic. I certainly don't want to downplay his hard work/ personal sacrifice for our family. I have a great husband! (We just celebrated our 8th anniversary with a trip to the National Zoo this past week. :))
I am also excited that things seem to be better in my family with my mom and youngest brother. My mom is in the [psychiatric] hospital; while it sounds bad it means that she's actually receiving treatment. I saw her briefly a couple weeks ago and I cannot recall her EVER being that aware/ almost sane. I was able to see her for only ~10 minutes because I wasn't allowed to bring my girls with me (:( She has not met my baby yet and only seen my elder daughter once, for about 5 minutes, in the past two years). It's painfully obvious to me that she's sick, but she is still largely in denial. (CLASSIC/TEXTBOOK untreated schizophrenia)
My youngest brother is a different case. While my mom usually won't talk to me because she's electively mute/ nonverbal, my brother used to not talk to me more because he was being a bit of a butthead. In the past he said some nasty things to me because he had wanted to be spiteful and I had determined to give him space, let him know I still loved him and wanted to have a relationship with him, but let him initiate contact. Periodically (~every several weeks/months) I'd say a short, simple quip to see where things stood, but I wanted to give him the freedom to approach me when he felt ready. Seems like that happened. Things are a lot more amicable. I'm a little surprised because there seems to be more change in him now than in the same period of time since the last time I had tried to reach out. I try to remind myself that things aren't really good, but there's healing taking place, which will take time, and try to get to know him gradually since he's mostly a stranger. (All of which is surreal for me since he's my brother, I remember seeing him the day he was born, caring for him as an infant, etc.)
So I guess it makes sense that losing more weight hasn't been more of a priority right now. That may change, but I'm ok with where I'm at right now. Life is good and I am content. Happy new year to all!
|