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Thank you all my wonderful buddies SO much. Normally I would reply to each of you, still don't seem to have the umph to really write much. But I DO want to thank each of you for your very kind words, your support and your love. AND your input and ideas!
That said, I am on much better path - emotionally, for sure, and two days running of eating well and low calorie days. No workouts, but that will come. More slowly this time around (thank you, S!).
I know that I AM worth the effort, and had a great heart to heart with my 20 yr. old daughter yesterday. She finally brought up the fact that since we look so much alike, and yet I continually run myself down, that it hurts HER. She takes it very personally. Plus it was another (much needed) wake up call as to what kind of role model I'm being here. I do NOT want her to feel unworthy or fat or unattractive or any of those things that I sometimes struggle with. I want my daughter to be healthy, happy, confident and to value herself. That means I have to BE a better role model. For her. For me, as well, but you know how it is... we'll do anything we can for our kids. So that's my goal. Value myself, treat myself with love and respect, and appreciate my efforts, even when they're not 100%. I would not do any less for anyone I care about - why not treat the mother of my kids that way?
Again, thank you all - ctlss, youngbug, happynow, Bren, gizmonel and Lisa - thank you for all of your compassion and kindness. Please know how much this means to me! love and hugs and POSITIVE vibes! :D
Diet Calendar Entry for 14 March 2011:
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1213 kcal
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Fat: 30.51g | Prot: 52.50g | Carb: 172.70g.
Breakfast: Sugar Free French Vanilla Coffee Creamer. Lunch: Wild Berry Soda, All Natural Superfood 100% Juice Smoothie - Green Machine, laughing cow. Dinner: Toscana Herb & Olive Bread, French Vinaigrette Dressing, spring mix, jicama, tomato, red pepper, baby carrots, celery, green onion, red onions, Wild Rice (Cooked), tortilla crusted tilapia. Snacks/Other: fiber one brownie, Angel Food Cake, strawberries, blueberries, Total 0% Greek Yogurt, Cool Whip Sugar Free, sugar free chocolate syrup. more...
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 Comments
rwl, you are loved~! You need to know that! Sooo happy to know that you are better now. Just remind you that don't let your calorie intake & amount of exercise sway you up and down. You're beautiful and your beauty is not going anywhere! yes, happy to see your journals as well as food logs. It can help but if you happen to skip it for a couple of days, who cares?! Just be yourself! Have a wonderful evening and happy Tuesday to you my dear friend!:)
14 Mar 11 by member: happynow
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RWL, you are most welcome and glad to see that you were able to get 2 good food days in a row. As for a role model, it does hurt doesn't it when you feel like you are not doing a good job at that. And she is right...you are an amazing, beautiful, awesome, fantastic, wonderful woman, and I am so glad that you are my friend! And yes, you've finally figured it out! ;) Love ya! <3<3<3<3<3
14 Mar 11 by member: ctlss
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Happy and Ctlss said it well. We love you and understand what you are going through because we all do this ebb and flow with our mind-set too. I think it is a natural cycle and am glad we have this site to hold on when we feel we are losing control because by our journaling and discussions we are finding ways to have more good days then bad. I wonder if you are getting enough sleep? I have noticed with myself today that when I am tired it gets much harder to keep up the good vibes and I have a tendacy to reach for comfort foods and go into that mindless eating zone so darn easily. I think it is like our mind-set programming slips into some sort of auto pilot mode. With practice we can breakaway from the old low-gear and kick it into high gear in a quicker amount of time. Anyway, glad we are friends as this is a process that a lot of people don't even try but you and I know we are worth the effort so tomorrow is another day!:) TOWANDA!!!!
14 Mar 11 by member: Lisa Online
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Your a good mom, just the fact you want to do right by your daughter. You
need to love yourself as much as your child does. She loves you no matter
how you look...Have a good day.....Bren
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Hi Happy! You are a good friend - supportive, encouraging, uplifting, and full of positive energy. Hmmm... I'm sensing a trend here - my friends here ALL seem to share these same attributes. And yes, I need to remember that when I look at people, I generally see their beauty, as well. Well, unless they have an ugly personality and then that colors the entire view :)... Really, I think I need to practice what I preach - my value is NOT tied to the scale, and I need to practice kindness and acceptance of myself as I would toward anyone I care about. Thank you for the reminder here.
15 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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And don't forget to remind yourself that you have such pretty face, too! Have a wonderful Tuesday, my friend!:)
15 Mar 11 by member: happynow
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Ah, S... you know I love you, woman! You're there for me in ways I'd have never expected nor hoped for when this journey began. I can't tell you how much this means to me. It absolutely hurts when I realize my daughter may model her feelings about herself after me. Of all things I need to learn, being the kind of woman SHE needs me to be is probably the most important duty I have. I certainly don't want her to go through years and years of self-doubt, of unworthiness, of low self-esteem, of never being happy with where I am at the moment. Oh, and get this. When we had our nice talk the other day, I said if I was 127 lbs in two weeks, then I would be ECSTATIC. She said - send me that text, mama. So I did, I have 11 or 12 days left and only need to drop 1.2 lbs by then! Looks like I have to practice ecstasy! lol... Because I AM going to be there... this is day 3 of GOOD eating and being accountable. Thank you, S... thank you!
15 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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Hi Lisa! You are so right. This site is a wonderful tool for getting back that control, being accountable, being "conscious"... but most of all this site is wonderful for all the beautiful people I've met here and feel privileged to call my friends. And I believe you're right - there is an ebb and flow to this as with anything in life. It was the spiraling out of control that scared me so. Not the few pounds as much as that feeling that I was falling back down, spinning out of control and feeling powerless to stop it. I think there was/is a lesson (or many) in this for me. I DO have the power over what I eat, and how I treat myself. And I know I can fall and pick myself back up again. I've learned I am not perfect at this, I don't have all the answers, I can "fail" here and there and survive. And hopefully have learned to have more patience and compassion for ME when I'm human and stumble. Side note - I get plenty of sleep! lol... I am the QUEEN of sleep and rarely get less than 7 or 8 hours. (ask Klannoye - poor girl has horrible sleep) But it was a good suggestion, to be sure! I just cannot function properly without good, deep sleep.
15 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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Hi Bren! Yes, you are right. I do need to love myself as much as my children love me. I'm sure we all want to do what is best for our kids. The trick is in remembering that although actions speak louder than words, our words have power. Power to uplift, encourage, support, express love, compassion... but they also have the power to hurt, belittle, shame - especially when used upon ourselves. Tough lesson for me to learn, but I'll work on that everyday. I'll try that "fake it til you make it". Thank you!
15 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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Hi RWLBSWWTALIATPP! Sending you a big hug pretty lady from the inside out. You're a good mother, and I am glad you are doing this for you and your daughter. We are all here cheering for you. :) Like Happy said, just be yourself because you are one amazing lady!
15 Mar 11 by member: Junebug7210
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Youngbug... I love you, girl!
15 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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D, you are amazing. I am so glad that things are getting better for you. You better get to practicing that ecstasy, because I have a feeling you are going to be well below that by your deadline. Great job! Love ya, D! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
16 Mar 11 by member: ctlss
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I am SO doing the happy dance and am FULL of ecstasy as I type! I'm there, I'm there, I'm there!!!! Holy cow, I've never dropped pounds like this before. Must have been PMS bloat on top of out-of-control eating. Whew! I'm not afraid anymore... I love YOU and I love this site for all the great support and advice and understanding I get from my friends here. Thank you!
16 Mar 11 by member: redwinelover
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16 Mar 11 by member: Junebug7210
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I knew you could.....love ya, D!!! Keep dancing, it burns calories! lol
16 Mar 11 by member: ctlss
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