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10 October 2017

Tuesday October 10? My weight is out of control. Went on an Autumn 🍂 trip on Sunday. Fiancé took some pics of me by a pretty waterfall and Fall foliage. I look like a blimp! ☹️ Wow! I was wearing size 10 jeans 👖 and some cute tall boots 👢 feeling moderately confident until I saw how hideously fat I look in the pics. 🍁🌾🌻 Is there anyway to eat and still lose weight without exercise? Those photos are a wake up call. There was a woman that accidentally stepped in the frame of photo my fiancé was taking of me. I thought she looked to be about my age, mid-40’s maybe early 40’s but in person, I thought about the same size as me too, well, shorter obviously bc I’m 5’8 but like same thinness, I must think I look better than I actually do! This woman looks MUCH smaller than me!!! Ugh! My back still hurts so exercise is excruciating 😖 I’ll have to starve myself if I ever want to lose weight. I just bought all the ingredients to make Peanut 🥜 Butter Rice Krispies Treats! I know if I make those, I’ll eat them all bc fiancé HATES peanut butter anything and hates Rice Krispies treats! Maybe I won’t make them until I’m going to see my kids, then just keep a few for myself. Another depressing thought, saw description of guy wanted for a crime, only one inch taller than I am and he only weighs like 10 lbs. more than me! I am not at a good, feminine weight. 😞 My fiancé’s son has a beautiful gf, she’s like 30 so she’s not super young but she’s one of those “perfect” girls. She’s tall like I am, probably 5’8 also, she weighs 137 lbs. She’s really super fit. She looks like she weighs a lot less actually.
I am going to aim for 130 lbs now. As thin as I always was, I never thought I’d ever be in this situation.
Weigh-in: 153.9 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 28.9 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 0.3 lb a week

29 September 2017

Weigh-in: 153.5 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 28.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 0.1 lb a week

16 September 2017

Weigh-in: 153.4 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 28.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 2.1 lb a week

14 September 2017

Starting my Methylphenidate today, just 10 mg. Ate my usual unhealthy caffeine trifecta. Coffee ☕️ w whole milk, Pepsi and Reese's PB cups. My new pills are supposed to help reduce appetite but I'm actually as hungry as ever. Maybe takes a bit to get into my system? My old, trusty 1970's scale reads 144 lbs but at the doctor last week, they're scale read 157 lbs! Wth! So I'm guessing it's somewhere between that? I'm going to change my goal weight from 115 lbs to a more healthy and realistic 125-130. I'm 5'7 3/4 (round up to 5'8!) 😂 I have a 29 3/4" waist. I'll just be happy to wear my jeans 👖 comfortably. I'm an old, Midwestern farm wife. I don't need to be a size 5 forever. I wear size 8's and 10's. My cat 🐱 is a mean little bitch but I know deep down she loves me! My fiancé doesn't want to lose his free housekeeper and cook so doubt he'll kick me to the curb. *Venting & Ranting as usual! It's like Indian summer here, going to be hot & humid for at least 10 days or so. I know, sounds like an excuse but I am serious, when the weather cools, I WILL begin walking again. Even w my back and hip pain. Another obstacle, I'm starting to have issues w my feet! I have high arches and wear flat shoes w no arch support. I bought a couple pair of Skechers shoes, hope those help. I usually wear 7 1/2 or 8 in shoes but only needed a 7 bc I have skinny feet!
Weigh-in: 154.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 29.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 0.2 lb a week

29 August 2017

Trying on my old jeans 👖😞wow!
Size 6's and 8's but these are jeans that always used to consistently fit well. I technically still can squeeze my fat into these jeans and capris but it looks hideous. So many bulges, I have love handles now! 😳 I don't wear shorts anymore. I wear capris and jeans all summer. I never wear sleeveless tops, I wouldn't be caught dead without a cardigan or "cover shirt" when I wear a tank top. My upper arms are hideously flabby. I haven't gone swimming 2-3 summers now and I used to take my kids to the pool everyday when they were young. They're grown now. I hate heat and humidity. I'm looking forward to Fall and cool temperatures. Summer is boring for me. I have too much anxiety to walk by myself. I imagine that I'm going to be ridiculed and attacked bc of my weight. My fiancé is really skinny and scrawny and doesn't like walking. He's a workaholic so even when he's not working at his job, he has never ending, unnecessary projects, to avoid me maybe? I'm so lonely 😭 I have my beautiful cat but she's mean. I have harness & leash for her that she doesn't mind, she loves being outside. She is just difficult to walk, lol. She likes to try to wriggle out of her harness and hide under the deck.
I've been reading about Keto diet. Might be worth a try?
Weigh-in: 153.5 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 28.5 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment gaining 0.0 lb a week

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