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Weight History
showing entries 36 to 40 of 64
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11 March 2011
crashed and burned tonight! will confess tomorrow. feel ok about it. this is a marathon, not a sprint. this is my life. balance. i seek it. tomorrow i will pick myself up and get back on track.
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11 March 2011
Its been a long time since I wrote. Ok. only since Wed cos the phone lines were down so i had no internet access except via my phone. cud enter food & exercise but not journal. i miss the journalling :)
so Im back and Ive been eating more than my personalised RDI but still below maintenance. i hope. had to guesstimate today and y'days dinner meals. will weigh on Sunday morning.
Still drinking tea but the novelty is wearing off. And have allotted myself 2 cookies per day. I need to actually work out the caloric value. thats a nice exercise for today i think. mmm...
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09 March 2011
So I relented and i had extra lentils. i DO love lentils. they are full of fibre and tasty and my tummy was pleasantly full. mmm. and then i had some tea with skim milk and sweetener and a small homemade cardamom cookie dipped in sugar and a cherry and i REALLY REALLY savoured it. and it worked. im completely happy. i feel satisfied and spoilt. wasnt that something :) And i proved to myself that i CAN stop @ one. plus now I know hwat my new comfort food is: hot artificially sweetend tea with skim milk :) happy days. off to class.
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09 March 2011
So today I decided that I was going to make this journal public again. I dont know. I call myself a writer and Im afraid to let people read what I write. Yes this journal is very personal and that's what scares the crap out of me. What if people know what Im really thinking or God forbid... FEELING!
Im so scared... not that complete strangers will go on this journey with me, but because Im so angry and tired of being angry.
But i need to open up and just put myself out there. Im tired of being scared of being vulnerable. at least its anonymous. for now. someday when im famous im going to have to destroy this journal :)
My biggest fear is that I will edit my thoughts, fear of being judged. But Im going to do it anyway. Its important to me. I will cringe inwardly at the thought of having these personal reflections judged by others, but that is the price Im willing to pay.
No self-editing. no fixing of typos, grammar etc etc. no editing. maybe i shud become and editor or book critic instead. hmmm.
anyway. an earlier entry today was about me being angry. ANGRY! WITH A GAZILLION !!!!s. drama queen. thats me. just been a frustrating day and then when i got home there was just some stuff i had to deal with and i treated some people badly who didnt deserve to be treated badly and im not strong enough yet to fess up and take my medicine. will have to confess it to someone. im going to get shit for it later. i know that.
no matter. i'll be able to deal with it ibetter then. right now im a bit emotionally fragile. i even screamed at the cats. why do i get so angry? so quickly... control. or lack thereof. bah! i can control what i eat, thats all i CAN control.
So i was feeling pretty miserable and destructive and was SO tempted to binge-eat or stuff something sweet into my mouth, but i resisted. thats EXACTLY how i want to respond everytime that urge overcomes me.
so im glad for that. for the rest im so not proud of myself :(
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09 March 2011
ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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