ecm2008's Journal

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06 May 2008

OK, maybe not the best approach, but the one I think I need to take this week--I'm ignoring this diet thing. Well, sort of ignoring it. Perhaps just not being mental about it this week, and I think that is the best way to go. I am moving on Saturday, and until then, there are just too many distractions and things blocking me from making the progress I want that are out of my control. I am going to control what I can--eating my veggies and protiens and making smart decisions, and continue to attempt to work out, but I am NOT going to beat myself up about a slip this week, or get frustrated with my progress, or any of that nonsense. I am just going to let it go, and look forward to next week when I will be in charge of what food is around me, of my routine, etc etc. Here at my sister's house, there are just too many temptations, life is too hectic and chaotic, and it is impossible to get a routine down and in trying to and not being able to, I just get mad and frustrated at my own self, which is counter productive.

I am frustrated by my progress, but in being perfectly honest, I have "cheated" and not been on best South Beach behavior. We went shopping again on Saturday for clothes for my new job. At the first store, looking in the mirror at my middle made me want to pack it in...but I consiously changed my attitude, and said "It is what it is, you are who you are, just deal," and I did. And I found some cute clothes, and tried them on at home yesterday, and thought, "I look cute." So there! So, I'm going to go with that positive image for the week and then regroup next week. I feel like I say that all the time, and perhaps I do, but I will be living on my own again next week, not under someone elses roof with mandms and cookies and ice cream, etc, around. Perhaps I should be able to say no to those temptations, but I haven't nipped the emotional eating in the bud yet. I'm thinking that my change of scenery, change of lifestyle, start of a job and of making money will be the jumpstart I need for the weight to "fall off" as my Mom keeps telling me it will!!

I seriously thought the other day when I got on the scale and nothing had changed--well, it went up from what I saw--I jumped off so quickly I don't actually remember the exact number--only that it made me want to bang my head against the nearest wall--that I would always be this weight. That it was impossible for me to loose. And then I told myself to get over myself, that I had been thinner before, and in better shape, and I just have to push and make a little more effort and be patient. Because thinking I am "stuck" at this weight and thinking that I was doomed to always feel this way was one of my dumber thoughts ever!! At least I quickly realized it, and told myself I was being stupid and to change my attitude.

I also feel like I am making excuses. Or I should say, I feel like I am making excuses, but I am really not. What I am trying to say is that there will always be circumstances--temptations, things that break your routine, etc., and so I can't use them as a reason to not eat right or to do my exercises. By the same token, I also can't beat myself up and be too hard on myself--something I always struggle with--because it gets me no where. Things are what they are right now, they are changing next week, and there will be challenges, but I will be in charge and in more control than I have been for the last 3 years!!

That's my story.

(1 comment)

02 May 2008

Yesterday I got up again and did the Firm. I ate mildly crappy yesterday. I felt like soup for lunch, so had some, but then wasn't really satisfied, so has some whole wheat pasta leftovers. Then, a bowl of fresh popped pop corn. Then 6 bites of light ice cream. Then Chinese food for dinner, and some chocolate chips. Proving that when I have one bite of something "bad", I don't just enjoy the bite, I still stay today is shot, might as well get a bunch of crap in. And then feel gross and badly about it. Today I got up late, and didn't exercise, but today will be my day off. I got back on track with oatmeal for bfast, and then had to go get my haircut and didn't eat lunch. I was GOOD, though, and ran and got a package of almonds before my appointment and snacked on them half way through. I got a chai at dd, which I know is not that great. But then I came home and had some brocolli and soup, and just blended up a yogurt fruit shake for dinner...resisting pizza night!! I feel all in all good for the week--working out, eating right, and so yesterday I ate some crap, it's not the end of the world. Perhaps next time I just won't eat the crap. And in a week and a day from right now, I will be living on my own (YEEE HAAAWWWW) and have no more inhouse temptation. I think I'll pump out a few push ups tonight and a sit up or two just for good measure. Every little bit helps...And tomorrow we'll see what the scale says. Even though I think I like what the mirror is saying.

Poco a poco...

(3 comments)

30 April 2008

Today I got up and the first thing I did was to do the Firm. I was pretty active throughout the day, and then went for a 30 minute fairly brisk paced walk, and then did my pilates in the afternoon. I can feel that I can push harder while doing the Firm now, and I can feel my back muscles. My thighs are also sore, and I am trying to push more and really focus on what parts of my body I am working and when. Same with Pilates--focusing on sucking in my stomach. I also did 16 ribcage pullovers with 8 lbs in each hand, and then 16 chest presses. My goal is to double up tomorrow and Friday, and then Firm it out Saturday.

I want to push for the rest of the week so when I go shopping on Saturday, I can feel even better. And then push next week, too. I can already feel that I am just more active and will be as I start the new job. I keep finding old pictures, as well, good and bad. They are both motivating me, in that I want to look good, and I want to keep it that way. The goal is to keep it off and to just look consistent.

Perhaps the scale will be my friend this week, but if it's not, so be it. I love feeling my sore arms and legs, and by abs, too. I love that when I work out, I can feel parts that I didn't feel before, and that makes me work harder and know that the more I push myself, the MORE different muscles I will feel, and the more my body will change. So again, I'm back focused not on the number, but on how I look and getting toned. The scale will come.

I am doing well eating, and when I am tempted I know that the slippery slope will start. So I consciencously make sure I put good stuff in my mouth, so I won't loose what I have got going. I've had a few bites of lite ice cream twice this week, but tonight when I was craving the sweet, I rolled with a SB dessert, and I'm pounding tea. Once again it shows, that the busier I am, the more I get done.

I'm so stoked for this job, for a new location, a new lifestyle, a change of scenery, and being a step closer to taking charge. Let's face it, I am in charge!

One of my goals is to build up my cardio and endurance...note to self when I get settled in SF. If I write it down, I stick to it.

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27 April 2008

OK. So maybe it was last week that I was all melodramatic about my weigh in and had a huge pity party. That is not where I'm coming from this week, but...

I need some help/support/suggestions. I got on the scale yesterday morning after not sleeping well at all, so I woke up pretty cranky, and had to get up early as we were having a garage sale so I could sell all of my old crap to be done with the past and move on with the new. Scale read 171. I am proud of myself, in that I just took a deep breath, and said, OK, so be it, and went downstairs and let the number go and made my oatmeal. I shrugged off the frustration and disappointment. Now, I have been working out this week, and muscle weighs more than fat, etc etc etc, but I have to say that I just don't understand it. I haven't dropped a pound, and I GAINED one. It's just a number, I know. And I am eating well and working out and that's what matters, I know. Really, I'm not just saying that in my normal sarcastic way!! I put on my new clothes I bought last week to go into the city last night for a Peace Corps event, and I felt snazzy and I looked good, and I focused on that. I just don't know why the weight isn't coming off...not even a little. I was decent with my food journal this week, and I'm going to try to go 100% this week to see if I can see what's going on with that. I'm proud that I haven't just started stuffing crap in my mouth to protest, which is what I might have done in the past. I went out to dinner last night with my cousin, and we went into an Italian place, and as we walked in I said, "I just want a huge plate of gorgonzola-y creamy pasta." You know what I ordered? Tomato and mozz salad, and beef carpacio with arugula. Perhaps not 100% south beachy, but pretty darn close. Didn't have one bite of bread. Again, I was proud of myself. I think I am making those decisions because I know that I am serious about it, and just want to be in shape and feel better about my body SO BADLY that I know every bit, good or bad, helps. And I really think it's all about choices and decisions we make. And I feel like I am making healthy choices, and listening to my body. That's why I don't understand why I am not losing. My arms look more toned (at least from my view!!) from doing the Firm, which really is awesome. But my mid section, which is my weight zone, doesn't seem to be showing signs of shrinking. I should probably be doing sit ups non stop from morning to night...I'm going to try to focus on some more exercises for my belly and back this week.

I guess my point is, I feel like I have made big strides with my attitude towards this and my reasons for wanting to lose weight. I feel like things are getting on track, and I feel good about myself. (I had the BEST interview on Friday, which ended with an, 'I don't want to be presumptuous, but welcome to the team!' from the GM--one more interview tomorrow, but it's looking pretty darn good...but I digress...) so I just want to know what I am doing or not doing to start seeing some more results. This is hard enough as it is without seeing a little something.

So, I'm reaching out to you guys (not that you haven't already been supportive) to see what you have to say and to see if you have any suggestions. The energy I used to spend being so tired of being a "fat kid" has been refocuses on making those healthy decisions, but when you keep not seeing results, that frustrated energy comes back, and I KNOW it does me no good so I am trying to fight it, but it's just hard.

Yell at me, boss me, cry with me, tell me what to do, tell me what not to do...This morning I woke up and said to myself, "I'm writing to my peeps on fatsecret because that is what they are there for and I need them!" So, here I am.

Thanks in advance, everyone!!

Weigh-in: 171.0 lb

lost so far: 4.0 lb

still to go: 26.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(1 comment) gaining 1.0 lb a week

24 April 2008

Just firmed it out!! It's much easier to just do this stuff--exercise, than sit and moan about it!! And I can feel a difference already--lifting heavier weights, not cursing the girl out when she asks, "Doesn't sculpting feel great?", don't even feel like I have to hurl!! This is exercise progress for me!! And now that I am the exercise kick, it makes me WANT to put healthy food in my bod!! BRING IT.

(6 comments)

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