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26 February 2024

I think I have fat girl PTSD. We went to a donut shop for breakfast yesterday and when I realized they had literally zero healthy options (not even sugar free syrups for coffee!) I became completely overwhelmed. I couldn't choose anything and I felt very anxious about having to make a choice because we didn't have time to stop anywhere else. I ate 3 tiny bites of the donut, drank about half the coffee, and threw the rest away because I had such fear about the amount of sugar I was consuming.

I have worked hard to make healthy changes that are sustainable so I don't gain back after I've reached my goal. I need to work on recognizing that sometimes a healthy option won't be available and it's ok to indulge now and then.

The feeling is very similar to my poor girl PTSD. We went through a number of years where we were very hand to mouth... food stamps, food banks, paying bills with money we got from our church to keep us afloat... it was a terrifying time. Now we can afford all of our needs and most of our wants but it still gives me great anxiety to make large purchases. I once had a meltdown in ikea when we were buying furniture because I was afraid to spend the money I'd saved specifically for that purpose in case we had something else come up.

For those who have reached goal, how do you deal with these situations? I have been so disciplined. How can I let it go and live a "normal" life when a "normal" life got me to 260 pounds?

18 February 2024

18 February 2024

Weigh-in: 197.4 lb lost so far: 62.6 lb still to go: 37.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 9.8 lb a week

17 February 2024

Weigh-in: 198.8 lb lost so far: 61.2 lb still to go: 38.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 0.9 lb a week

14 February 2024

Weigh-in: 199.2 lb lost so far: 60.8 lb still to go: 39.2 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 4.2 lb a week

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