MrGoodnight's Journal, 14 December 2020

Hi, You need to do" new, different things, to change your autopilot behaviour and mood on Sunday night. If you really wnat this, get in touch : https://maggieedwards.com/programs/rtt/  

hi Mrgoodnight, don't worry, you need to switch all things off. Have a dark bedroom, put a lavender smell on a handkerchief and don't eat late. also try and have a warm drink or whisky and lemon with hot water. can't think of anything else. Maybe happy thought about something special to you and think about that. good luck Merrymel 

Those night time thoughts get stuck in a loop.... over and over.. I try to plan out my dream home or dream holiday (something wildly unattainable) with lots of details and it seems to help me drift off.. 

Been there just keep focused and remember your effort so far, good luck getting back on track  

Thank you everyone for your comments, support and suggestions they are very useful and really make me feel supported. I have my CBT session tomorrow which I am sure will help. Unfortunately I became broken during those crazy days between March and September when hours were crazy and my physical and mental health suffered. I am sure in time I will get back to a new improved position of health and mental wealth. It feels much more achievable with you all on my side. All my love 🐝❤️X 

Yes I’ve been yearning meals that I shouldn’t have managed to resist mostly jut had an extra apple or cracker but even that late in the day does damage I must try harder myself 

RRR you are a tour de force and you have done amazing but I get where you still feel guilty when your mind asks for one thing and your body needs something else. Keep strong and stay safe 🐝❤️x 

It’s not guilt mate it’s being realistic and not letting my weight getting away from me there’s a time and place and the time is to put it right maybe this time next week I will give in to temptations at the moment I’m happy enough that my weight went down 0.4kg yesterday and 0.3kg today  

RRR not for me to say it is guilt for you more guilt for me. ❤️🐝x 

Don’t over indulge out of weakness mate that may start a spiral Christmas until 2nd jan and then recoup your gain but it’s easier for me I don’t drink alcohol in doors so because of the pandemic I have had no alcohol since February  

RRR...no never been much of a drinker...maybe a glass of wine a month....just been struggling with anxiety whilst returning to work and go out with best intentions to get healthy and return with pastry products. Getting better everyday so been a good day today better than the recent good days. I know I need to keep moving up with my plan and less hard on myself ❤️🐝x 

I retired early before I started my journey but used to drink 6 days a week when I was working which changed to once every 2 weeks when I retired and now due to the pandemic not at all which just makes it easier  

Anxiety is an old friend of mine. Thank God I don't get it acutely anymore but know the feeling. Fill the gso with anything but pastry...but you know that. Carbohydrate is known to be soothing. Can you save up the carbs towards the end if the day and have a boosting midnight snack? I keep a kettle and jug by the bed and sachets of instant cappuccino to which I add stevia. I save some cslories fir this snd to add 2 scoops of Complan stir together with a tiny amount of cold water then top up with hot. I find this to be a really comforting ritual sitting in bed, electric blanket on timer, good non demanding book. Give teeth an extra quick brush and curl up. Despite healthy opinion, for anxiety I'm better sleeping with a soft light on. I have the odd tricky night. A better snack at 4.00 in the morning is 2 weetabix with reccomended measure of milk, little sprinkle of Stevia. In an emergency early hours situation I generally can nod off after this. Count the calories in for the next day.  

ps the cappucino is decaf !  

Hi Hyacynth ... thank you for your thoughts they are much appreciated and sound like sound suggestions. You are right about rituals and counting in the calories as part of your daily allowance. Otherwise I feel like this is not going to be a good day ahead if I eat at night and say to myself I might as well not bother that day and just over eat because of that and through being tired. Comforting food such as hot chocolate and weetabix put me in the right frame of mind to sleep. I struggle to let my mind rest as it feels like wasted time I will never get back. I know that’s daft but these are the sort of things you tell yourself. Keep your mind busy with other things so you don’t deal with thinking about matters more at the root of the cause. ❤️🐝x 

The other thing my body is doing is my chest and shoulder skin feels like it is on fire 🔥 and is so incredibly itchy that I am constantly scratching at times. But then on other days feel much more normal and my system more stable. These other issues are making my anxiety worse. It is like it fuels itself. As you get less sleep you get more anxious and you health starts to suffer so you get more anxiety and even less sleep etc etc. ❤️🐝x