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09 July 2024

08 July 2024

It's been 46 days that I've been off to focus on my health and still struggling not to think about work. This is one of the health issues I need to tackle. Last night our lovely secretary popped into my head with her rude comments. I kept telling myself that the past is gone, so get over it. Tried to replace the thoughts with other thoughts, but the other thoughts just melted away. Then I tried reading. I read the bible and thought about how much more Jesus went through than I have. Didn't work. I read another chapter from "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" as recommended by my psychologist. Didn't work. Finally, I told myself that is ONE person. Why am I getting upset over 1 person? Does she matter in my life? Is she always going to be there, even after I retire? Then I finally did the rebuking method. (Yes, I was desperate to get some sleep at 3:00 am.) LOL, as silly as I felt...it worked. I think I fully understand one of my other coworker's comments and that was we were both shell shocked from the treatment we received after being 2 of the few people who got to work during COVID. She's right. She also left, because she wasn't going to put up with the mistreatment any longer. I can't even imagine what my father must have gone through after the war. I just remember him as a heavy drinker and smoker when I was a child. Maybe I should start writing to get all of my internal anger and fear out.

05 July 2024

04 July 2024

Yay! Today is the 4th an hubby is off with me. He took me grocery shopping and bought lots of organic mussels for dinner tonight, so they are in ice water in the fridge temporarily taking up space. He also picked out a nice watermelon, while I picked out the corn. It's going to be a lovely meal, just not sure we'll be able to finish it all. That's ok, because the chickens will gladly help us out with the corn. It might sound weird, but I enjoy sitting on the patio shucking corn while enjoying the great outdoors. This way the husks and silks can go into our mulch pile, so nothing is wasted. He's watering the garden, while I take care of things inside. It's going to be a wonderful day.

On the mental turf...Still having problems letting go of the anxiety of work, but I've got help and we are working on it. At least the dream I had of work last night was actually enjoyable. I dreamt one of the previous bosses was back and I got to work with her. She made me feel included and part of the team. I really didn't care what the others thought, because I was just enjoying the task she gave me. She gave me a task that no one wanted to do, because it takes a lot of time and accuracy. Like always, I found the job to be enjoyable since I love to work. Guess I really am a workaholic. It was much better than the other dreams of work, where there are arguments, lack of inclusion, inequality, and continued mistreatment. Maybe it's a sign I long for the past deep down inside; even though, I really just want to move on and forward.

01 July 2024

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