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Weight History
showing entries 56 to 60 of 369
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20 July 2011
it's still not too hot here...I'm off to play...i was reading about low Gylcemic diets very interesting...
How do crazy people go through the forest?.They take the psycho path.-
How do you get holy water?...Boil the hell out of it.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?..Quatro sinko.
There are three potatoes sitting on the curb. How do you tell which is the prostitute?..
The one that has the sticker that says I-DA-HO
Guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, You know I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is Excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, jumped up and said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."
(9 comments)
18 July 2011
it's not as hot here so I'm off to play...I will walk the entire course .I'm doing well on watching carbs....My horoscope said Saturday....
You are feeling quite good -- or you should be, anyway. If for some reason you are down, you need to reach out and help someone in need. That is sure to perk you up.
Find your sign......I'm a"UTERUS" with UR-ANUS RISING" HeeHee....what's yours..lol
Aries - The Ram - March 21 – April 19
You are insightful, creative and adaptive but don't RAM(Get it?) it down people's throats. Your over-achieving and ambitious nature serves you well in business with you and your business cards, but not so much in dating. Quality over quantity. You've got a great sense of humor, you're very passionate, and a prime candidate to pack on the pounds. Watch the partying, my friend.Friends, lovers, and family members love your devotion, but not your late night calls. Try to reign in that big personality from time to time, You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA.
Taurus - The Bull - April 20 – May 19
You're a bull on the outside, but a softy at heart. Practical and efficient and always being hit up for money and favors. Let some of your deadbeat friends hit their parents up for money for a change and put more money into your retirement fund!Your shoulders are wet with the tears of friends, and your strength and stamina can carry a heavy burden. If you just ducked out to the movies once in and awhile, and let some of those need friends phone calls go into voicemail, you'll find you'll have a lot more fun. Great teachers, big sisters/brothers (hey Bud), and philanthropists. You are very generous with your possessions, too. Check your sister's closet and neighbor's garages if you can't find something. He or she has probably "borrowed" it. Dump your loser friends that are draining you and hang out with winning cool people. We won't tell anybody.
Gemini - The Twins - May 20 - June 20
When you're hot, you're hot Gemini! And when you're not, polar bears would call your heart too cold. Tarzan didn't swing as much as you do, but boy isn't life interesting around you. You drive a hard bargain, you're supportive, and that charisma gets you out of the stickiest of situations. Why not use that awesome imagination to figure out ways to not bring us all down with you on your next nosedive into depression and/or rage though, huh? Yes, make-up sex is fun, but there are other fun things, too.You inspire and motivate others and are very affectionate. You generally get away with stuff you really shouldn't. We can't help but love you, but somedays you make us keep trying not to.
Cancer - The Crab - June 21 – July 22
You play your cards so close to the vest, a person has to perform something like a circumcision just to take a look. You can be moody, but you hide it almost too well. Your friends and loved ones would love to get a peek at what's behind that conservative exterior.
You're a domestic god/goddess, traditional, loyal and a sympathetic friend. Like a microwave dinner, you need time to just set after being spun around. Tell everybody to back off for a minute after the bell goes ding.Your family, friends, co-workers, and loved ones always put you in charge of buying the group card, love your scrapbooks, and dinners at your house are always a hit. Make other people help you clean up. Yes, even if they do it wrong.
Leo - The Lion -July 23 – August 21
Be it king of the jungle or the litter box, no job is to small for you to be the leader. Your quick decisiveness makes you a great leader even when you're leading the charge straight to hell.
You are brave, vocal about your opinions, and even right a lot of the times. You missed the Sesame Street episode where you were taught to share or perhaps you just hoarded the TV and thought the rest of us missed it.Occasionally bossy, but always working for the greater good the world is a better place when you're in charge--and if we forget, you'll always remind us.
Virgo - The Virgin - August 22 – September 22
You may be a virgin, but you did some heavy kissing with the blarney stone. Your outlandish stories and convincing charm make you fun in any and all social situations.You're great on a team --especially if it's a winning one. Yes, you give good advice, but who says we all want to take it? Less is more sometimes.Your analytical skills and intuition makes you annoying to watch a murder mystery with, but when it comes to solving and planning, you're the shiz-net Sherlock. Your friends, loved ones, and co-workers all want the seat next to you at a dinner party. Luckily you can talk loudly.
Libra - The Scales - September 23 – October 22
You may be an introvert, but when your stealth debating skills can come out as fast as paparazzi swarms Brittany Spears. Naturally, because of the scale thing, your deal is balance, stability,justice,harmony,artistic talented etc.You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality But if it's possible to overdose on balance goals, honey, you FOUND IT.
Scorpio - The Scorpion - October 23 – November 21
Scorpio you are such a contradiction, well no you're not. Often misunderstood, turbulently driven, incredibly ambitious and put it all together and that spells trouble and obsession for anyone dating you or trying to get you to accept a job offer. Learn to place your bets a little sooner so the rest of the world can feel secure for a change. You can keep a secret especially when it's about your thoughts and feelings. Your calm cool exterior fools everyone and no one. You're ideally suited to be a wealthy business person or any profession as long as you're boss and making big bucks. The hippy-artist, wanderer life does not suit you.
Sagittarius - The Centaur - November 22 – December 21
You think therefore you think the rest of us should leave you alone to think. You do your best when the odds are stacked against you. In the horse-race of life, you're a Centaur who likes come from behind in those last few legs.Hurry up and figure out the meaning of life, so the world can tie you down already. Remember to win a race, even if you want to come from behind, you have to choose a direction. Try not to get too distracted with EVERYTHING all the time.
Capricorn - The Goat - December 22 – January 21
Well you critical and practical goat, this is going to be a baaaaad and useless horoscope. You're highly intelligent and will undoubtedly find this entire page to be a sham. Everybody else gives sucky advice Capricorn so use your patience, intuition and incredible planning skills to schedule in time to dwell on problems from time to time. They pass, but each time you act like they'll be gone forever. For crying out loud, you stubborn goat, use that big brain and schedule in your depression.
Aquarius - The Water Bearer - January 21 – February 19
What the hell is The Water Bearer? Aquarius you so got the shaft. Your unorthodox methods can get many a goal accomplished, however, sometimes those methods include sitting around a lot and kind of being lazy.You are honest, loyal and original and apparently water bearing.You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. Use your philosophical and artistic mind to come up with a better horoscope.
Pisces - The Fish - February 20 – March 20
You're no cold fish, just sort of luke warm-hehe. Nah, your red, hot, hot, hot. You just keep a low profile while you acquire a wide sea of knowledge.Your Equation You + A little Danger = FUN
You + Caution = You all the time Your generous nature can be taken advantage of, but your determination and passion always guarantees whatever is lost is easily won back.You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with.
(13 comments)
13 July 2011
Feeling so much better.I'm going off to the club to watch the USA Women's Soccer Team play France and then play a few rounds...GO USA!!!
I will walk the entire course..
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care where you go... Just get the hell out!"
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked him, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth."I think you're nothing but bad luck."
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
(10 comments)
12 July 2011
woke up early this morning with a whopper of a migraine ...it hurt so bad I had a earache to go along with it.Feeling really imbalanced and anxious.. I had to go into a dark room to start my recovery...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
I do the work of three people: Larry, Moe and Curly.
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes,
why do some people get married more than once.
If a job is worth doing, then get someone in to do it properly
My knees buckle and my belt won't.
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I can get the same effect
just by standing up really fast.
(8 comments)
09 July 2011
I'm doing well maintaining...I'm off to the Dodgers game.You can't call me a fair weather fan if their in first place or last place( their in last place)lol.. I'll cheer for the BLUE!
Of course peanuts ,dodger dogs and brew is helping.....
My wife tends to leave well enough alone. Unfortunately, things are rarely well enough.
What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half mast?They're hiring
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there will no services today."
How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows. It's never happened.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
Why is air a lot like sex?
It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "
Losing a husband can be hard. Sometimes, it's damned near impossible.
Chinese couple's in bed. Husband says, "I like a sixty-nine."
His wife says, what you crazy..."You want beef and broccoli now?"
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... men will screw anything
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.
What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball
(9 comments)
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