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01 November 2010

01 November 2010

27 October 2010

26 October 2010

Things are so mixed up in my head. Making flapjack wasn't a good idea. Just binged today...again...so irritated with myself. These sugar cravings are really terrible, worst I've ever had in my life and therefore I have to put my feelings of weakness and lethargy to not getting enough energy. Got really freaked out by how much 'hate' there is if you eat less than 1200 cals a day. So I have decided to do that. I don't have to, but it means I'm being reasonable with myself, and others. I know I'm gonna balloon though, naturally from being on a VLCD to a MCD, so not looking forward to the inevitable.
So, decided, I'm going to start on porridge for breakfast, as my carby thing (not including veggies, which I allow anyway). I must have that, if nothing else. Maybe then, I can get my work done and get up before 11 and actually make it to the gym. If I hit the gym then the extra 400 cals will not be so detrimental. And maybe these sugar cravings will disappear. I really hope so. I just want to feel normal and not fat or huge, I want to be considered slim and I have wanted it for so long that this isn't going to stop me. I just need to get these bad habits and thoughts out of my head and concentrate on being the health-freak I actually am, not the unhealthy 'skinny-fat' girl, with no energy or happiness or cake!
I want to cry so badly...

25 October 2010

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