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Snowwhite100's Journal

 
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25 June 2024

My weight went down lower than this 2 weeks ago but then I went back up a couple of pounds. At this rate, I will never reach my goal of 14 pounds down by August 15th to be 120. My weight was 117 when our daughter passed away, and frankly, I was hoping to be back there by the end of October for my birthday. I have only had 1 glass of wine and 9 desserts/sweets in 15 weeks, and I do intermittent fasting 7 days a week. At this age (82) it's really tough to lose. Probably most people lose their vanity by this age. I've lost almost 4 inches in height (to 5') so I am lumpy. On the other hand, I am grateful to be mobile plus driving, to do my own grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, and laundry. There is no way my husband would let me have household help. Two weeks ago I pulled weeds for 6 1/2 hours in one day and I suffered with my back greatly for over a week. I am hanging on, coping with my abusive husband, and he has not hit me since August but can be pretty nasty. Adult protective services were out again to check up on me. I told them repeatedly "I want to be here". Sometimes I think I can cope okay, other times not so much. The Lord is being very gracious to me! I still color my hair (myself) and have acrylic nails. I have never had a pedicure but do my own and keep them tidy and freshly painted. I would just like to lose about 15 pounds in total. Each pound will help.
Weigh-in: 128.4 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 8.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (13 comments) losing 0.3 lb a week

04 June 2024

Since I haven't been journaling often it's past time to let a few of you know I'm still hanging in there. As usual, there is the good, bad, and ugly, like the movie. It's still hard for me to journal since my circumstances have not changed and if I am me, I garner criticism for not changing them myself. The good: I am trying to complete my goal of losing 14 pounds by August 15, along with Debbie Cousins, although my goal is very small compared with her. I am down 5 lb from the time I made the goal which isn't much but I have to diet in the extreme at my age and sedentary life of back and heart trouble. In 12 weeks I have only had 1 glass of wine, and only 8 desserts or sweets. I suppose having sugar once a week is acceptable to me. It's tough giving up bread and high carbs. My husband has not hit me in almost 10 months but continues to very slowly deteriorate physically and mentally. He isn't angry at me "every" day, but most. I haven't learned to not care when accused of negative intentions. I couldn't do this job without the Lord's help and grace.
Weigh-in: 129.4 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 9.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (13 comments) losing 0.1 lb a week

08 May 2024

I am choosing a new interim goal weight of 117.6 because that is what I weighed when our daughter died. When I attain that I will want to go down more since I am only now 5" tall after losing 4" (or 3 3/4") in height. I do not carry extra weight well at my age of 82. A week ago I had a one-day meltdown and ate 3 donuts and a hot chocolate. Even with that, this is day 61 with only 1 glass of wine and 6 desserts which is less than 1 a week. Last year I went for 5 months with only 1 dessert a week. We finally received the hospital bed for my husband and have been rearranging furniture and some of his things so he could move downstairs. Although the stairs had become difficult he felt it wasn't absolutely necessary yet. We both realize now, that it was a good thing to make the transition while we both had some ability because it was so complicated we might not have had the energy later. He moved the TV onto the wall at the foot of the bed so he wouldn't have to crank (or crane) his neck to see it. I plan on moving upstairs to our bedroom tonight from the couch where I have been sleeping for 1 1/2 years since he locked me out of the house, then out of the bedroom. I am having more heart trouble now but can walk the stairs if I just go slow. Since he is still able to walk the stairs he is not allowing me to take over much more upstairs: his closet space, bathroom drawers, cupboards, medicine cabinet, or his dresser, etc. I am allowed to use where he had his desktop computer since he moved that downstairs. I will put some books there. In conclusion, today I am managing: myself and his anger. Narcissism is a personality disorder. Probably he can't be any better. I don't know. When I question too much, my head (and heart) hurts.
Weigh-in: 129.8 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 9.8 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (13 comments) losing 0.5 lb a week

23 April 2024

Weigh-in: 130.8 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 10.8 lb Diet followed 100%
   (8 comments) losing 0.7 lb a week

06 April 2024

There are several people asking how I am so I should report in to let them know I am still hanging in. My weight went up to 134.8 from 117 after our daughter died when I could wear size 8 and even some 6's. but I am back in size 12's. Since I lost 4 inches in height I'm down to 5' tall so that makes me very fluffy. For the last 3 months, I have been having trouble with my heart. If I walk too fast, climb stairs, or push a grocery cart I get chest pressure that goes up into my throat. The cardiologist gave me nitro patches but I haven't used them. It's gone from about once a week to almost every day now, so I just have to slow down. I still do intermittent fasting about 16/8, waiting till about 12 to eat brunch but feel I can't extreme diet because of my heart. I went on a three-day sardine fast a couple of weeks ago advocated by Dr. Boz and lost several pounds but of course, at least one or two came back. I've given up wine and only have dessert about once a week, but it is only with the sardines that I started losing. Now I am trying to only have a can of sardines for brunch and have a regular dinner, but no snacks later, only herb tea. I did get hungry this afternoon and had a small grapefruit, almonds, and some cream cheese. The sardines are barely tolerable with mustard, but I wonder for how long. I was reading Debbie Cousin's journal and she wants to lose approximately 50 pounds by Aug 16th, which sounds very ambitious. If I picked an ambitious number for myself, it would be 14 pounds to go to 118 by that date, since I have slowed down so much. But it would put me in the neighborhood of where I was at when our daughter died. Giving up wine, most desserts, and now the sardines is what would give me hope. If we got even near our goals, it would be a miracle. She hurt her leg and back, and I have become a turtle. I am better emotionally than I was 6 months ago since my husband has not hit me since then. But he is angry at me almost every day which is a great strain. I am not perfect but I am trying to keep my mouth shut completely and do whatever he asks. With his memory loss, he gets very frustrated and wants me to help him with the computer. But many of the things he asks me about, I know little to nothing. His health keeps deteriorating and he feels the need for more and more oxygen. But it is his heart that is worse, not his lungs, even with the emphysema, and COPD. He was ready to go to the hospital to die yesterday but is better today. We did this exact scenario two weeks ago. His primary doctor is ordering a hospital bed for him so he can move downstairs but we do not have a bedroom downstairs. I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room for a year and a half now since he locked me out of our bedroom. When he moves downstairs I will move back up to our bedroom since his oxygen and CPAP are very noisy and he keeps the furnace turned up high because he is cold all the time. Between the noise and the high heat, I can't sleep even with earplugs.
Weigh-in: 132.4 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 12.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (12 comments) gaining 0.2 lb a week

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