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30 April 2015

Yesterday, I slept all day after I ate 3 to 4 TBS of Nutella and 3 cups of cinnamon crunch (daughter's fav). I ate a good breakfast and lunch, however, this crazy urge and need for sugar appeared right as I was taking my power nap. I was also in a lot of physical pain from weeks and weeks of at least an hour and a half up to three hours of exercising and yoga.My body shut down (when my legs shake for no reason after exercising) and so I wanted to rest my body and slept all day. I regret that I ate those things but I refuse to beat myself up for it. I have beating myself up since I was a child and at 46 years old , I am at an emotional bottom. Clean and sober still, I still think and grieve about the hurt I have inflicted on other's. I was a hurricane that swept through peple's life and I had an affect on everything and everybody who cam in contact with me during my addiction. I lost the right to be selfish, and I must always think of others.Yesterday as my eyes closed, I was thinking of what I just wrote and that is when I ran into the kitchen and ate all that sugar when what I was really doing was attempting to eat all that pain and regret.

So I had a late breakfast of 2 eggs and a cup and 3/4 of a cup of cooked cabbage without fat. I added 1 TBS of butter , salt and garlic salt. It is not bad. Eating right and exercising is an expression of self love and knowing when to stop exercising is a skill that took a long time to learn and there is much much more to know.

30 April 2015

27 April 2015

Ok...Ok It is about how many calorie one takes. There is no such thing as body going into "starvation mode",it's more like my metabolism decreases. There is no way, I should be exercising 2 to 3 hours, eat non carb foods and just loose 8 to 10 pounds. So today is day one and I will not be using as much mayo and oil. For example I used 1 TBS hellmans for my tuna and celery sticks and a tsp for my 3/4 cup of green beens today. Fat has to be on the diet. I am a carb addict and frankly when I was on befo this diet befor, I had energy, felt good about life. Today everything in my life is upside down and it would be great to be able to at least wear my favorite jeans through it all. Oh I was told that if I kept getting stressed, cortison (?) layer of fat would develop. Well what about Africa? A country that has no food tends to bring on a ton of stress and I dont see anybody overweight. Enough with the myths.

26 April 2015

26 April 2015

Weigh-in: 165.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 37.0 lb Diet followed N/A

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