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05 June 2012

Weigh-in: 189.0 lb lost so far: 7.0 lb still to go: 49.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 0.6 lb a week

01 June 2012

This seems a fitting day for me to be writing about powerlessness. It's my son Adam's 21st birthday. His best friends are here, joyously celebrating legal adulthood—except that none of them will ever quite be a legal adult. They were all born with serious birth defects. Each of their mothers took vitamins, ate right, had good prenatal care. We did everything in our power to have "perfect" babies. We found that our power didn't amount to much.

At the other end of the spectrum, my dog had surgery this week. The vet removed various tumors from his chubby old body, and he never really recovered. I spent the past few days sitting with his head on my lap, the only thing that seemed to make him comfortable. When a follow-up examination made it clear that Cookie had nothing in his future except suffering, I signed a form and put my arms around him as the vet added one more ingredient to his IV drip. Cookie set his sweet, soft head on my hand and died as he lived, with no fear and great love.

Birthdays and death days. Both remind us how little power we have. Both present us with infinite opportunities to either love or fear. To the extent that we choose love, the puniness of our material power is replaced by a power that comes not from us but through us. I felt it coursing through Cookie even as his body powered down, and I felt it in my own decision to let him go. Real power is usually unspectacular, a simple setting aside of fear that allows the free flow of love. But it changes everything.

31 May 2012

24 May 2012

Weigh-in: 190.0 lb lost so far: 6.0 lb still to go: 50.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment steady weight

23 May 2012

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