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Weight History
showing entries 46 to 50 of 67
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09 August 2010
Ouch! What a hard bike ride today! I knew flying down all those gradual slopes, we'd be paying for it on the way back, but it was easy to forget while having so much fun racing down the hills. 7 miles of downhill fun, then 7 miles of uphill hell. But all the time that I was sweating, and barely moving past a walker's pace, as I SLOWLY passed many elderly people walking the trail, (we rode right near a retiremement home) I thought..."just don't stop, keep pedaling". DH, had to finally get off of his bike and walk because his bike was stuck in second gear, so he walked and I pedaled--- same pace. LOL.
We then went to the movies, and I did have a small package of M&M's, but that is instead of my nightly vice tonight, and so it's not all bad.
However, I am very sore now, and if I am sore today, I dread tomorrow.
It will be a busy work day and so I hope I won't be too stiff.
I'll try and pop some advil, soak in the tub and get a good night sleep.
All and all today was a good day-- though a minor stressful family event happened this morning(nothing serious to do with mom's Alzheimers or dad's memory or health issues, thank goodness-- just about other dumb stuff regarding the care providers that help, minor, but it can still take its toll when it's ongoing) My brother and I were able to support each other, and once again, I was able to move on after about 20 minutes of complaining and getting it out of my system. (and my brother was able to lean on me too)
This whole thing of learning to feel and then deal makes it easier to move on from it, which helps very much with my eating habits. My prior habit of shoving pain down, being silent and letting things eat at me, only made pain linger at a lower quieter level...like having a painful ache because I wouldn't deal with it right off, and I'd reach for food to soothe.
Now I face it better, I may feel harsher anger, frustation or hurt right off, but it leaves much quicker. 20 minutes of sharp hurt is better than 20 days of ache buried deep inside. And that goes for small stuff too as I am finding that if I am overly emotional about the "smaller" stuff, it means that either I have let a bunch of small stuff build up, or I am still dealing with larger painful or irritating stuff. So, now I deal with it, small or large.
I also realize that some pain won't take just 20 minutes. I may feel bad and be in a funk for a couple of days. As long as I just let the people I care about know it's me, not them, and if they just allow me to be in my funk, I'll come out of it. This allows me to feel it and eventually move on from it. Much better than putting on a happy face for everyone else's sake (which can feel even more painful and prolong the funk--- So, sometimes you just have to say "Respect the Funk, People!")
Anyone who has had to deal with family health issues like Alzheimers, strokes, dementia or terminal cancer in someone you love, you know that things may not get better, you just have to try and find the good in the moment. Stay a bit more present, not borrow tomorrow's troubles, but vent out when you need to.
I'm happy that I am FINALLY learning a healthier way to deal with life in general (though I know I am still learning!), but ironically it's during the bad times that is getting me in the habit of doing "good" things for myself. Go figure.
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05 August 2010
Another pound lost. It took a little longer this time due to my recent 3 day blobfest, but at least I didn't gain.
Today was a very busy day, and I haven't even eaten dinner yet and it's 11:40pm. I know...not good. It was like that all day. Forgetting to eat until I was famished. I need to make today the last day I do that. It messes my hunger and cravings all up.
I wasn't able to do my morning workout but DH and I did a faster bike ride this evening for an hour so that was good. I love our habit now of bike riding everyday after working.
And I guess this is all rubbing off on him because he's now watching what he's eating more too. He still gets little junkfood stuff, but he's good at hiding it. I still have my evening icecream vice too, but that helps me refuse all other treats--knowing I have that one treat per day at home. I also have begun to look at sugar as a "recraving" tool. Meaning, I know, at this stage, where I am still vulnerable to my favorite sweets, that if I have too much sugar, it actually creates vicious cravings-- a nasty circle. So, now knowing that, I am able to refuse more.
Today was stress free as far as emotional stuff. I could worry about one particular family issue if I wanted to invite the worry in, but no sense it doing that right now. Not much I can do about it at this moment. Will just see what happens in the next few days and deal with it then.
Well, I better get some late night dinner before I pass out on this keyboard.
(2 comments)
04 August 2010
Dodged self sabotage today! A stressful emotional event this morning almost defeated me. But instead of turning inward and/or toward food, I talked to my brother as he always knows the right thing to say when it comes to our family stuff. And this time we have the video cams hooked up and I really like being able to see each other (even if I have to slam on a hat for a bad hair day!) That talk with my bro helped alot. It gave me the boost I needed to refocus toward the workout I needed to do.
I have to say...Exercising with a bit of a heavy heart (even though I got the support I needed) is HARD. But I still did it. I grunted, groaned and swore again through the whole thing. I had the window open to blow in cool air, and anyone walking by I'm sure would have thought there was some crazy insane lady in our house with all of the bitching I was doing. But so what...I worked out...it may not have been pretty or nice, but I did it anyway. So I can never use the excuse again of "I don't feel like it today" because really... I don't ever feel like it, but ESPECIALLY today, I did not want to do it, and I still did. Now I know I can do it and I can't fool myself about it.
And thank goodness I did workout, because it boosted my mood afterward and I could get on with the rest of the day. Then after work, DH and I when on a bike ride. The exercise thing shows 10 mph for a leisurely ride. That's not leisurely! 6mph is leisurely. Anyway, we rode for hour and a 1/2, but for calories, since the exercise counter doesn't allow a slower bike ride, I just took off time.
Today ended up being a good day overall. Which taught me another lesson- One bad thing in a day, does not a bad day make. And don't coil inward -- Working out/exercising helps prevent that from happening even while in the middle of an inward "coil", it can uncoil the funk.
(1 comment)
03 August 2010
I discovered something about exercise & appetite. After 3 days of being a blob, I was amazed at the increase in hungry when I am NOT exercising.
Exercising seems to decrease my appetite for some reason. I'm not exactly sure what the deal is. I'm sure it's well known, and I'm just oblivious, but what my body seems to tell me is-- it needs energy. Though energy is needed to exercise, somehow exercise also makes me feel like I have more energy. So I can get energy through food and/or exercise. If I don't exercise then my body asks for the additional energy boosts through food.
Have no idea really, I'm just makin' stuff up here--- but that's just what my body feel like it's tellin' me.
Well, life has been rather smooth. We are still pretty broke, but there are some hopeful prospects and so we just keep movin' on.
My folks are doing okay. For some reason, my dad's memory is starting to fall back again, but there could be a few explanations to that. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm just happy that the "now" is peaceful.
.
(2 comments)
31 July 2010
Total BLOB day. As long as it doesn't turn into serial blobbing, I'm okay with it. And I am watching the calories still but today...zero exercise, and zero trying to exercise. My right heel is starting to show signs of developing spurs,(HURTS!) so yesterday I took the day off of exercise to rest it, and today and tomorrow I had planned on bike riding as that is much better for it.
But today, I just felt a bit blah and a bit blue. Most of the extended family issue drama has subsided now and I am happy for the peace of that, so I hate to complain really -- but as soon as I take a breath, our bank account becomes close to zero, and with DH still unable to land a job for over a year now, (not for the lack of trying!), we are now at the tightest we've ever been. My business helps pay the bills, but it's not a guaranteed amount to rely on and we can't live on it alone, so I think that the financial stress of the $$ being so low is gettin' me down a little and turned me into blob zone.
But I will really try not to let that get me down for more than a day. I think it's okay to just feel funky just to feel what's real, and then try and pull myself out of it.
I decided to clean the house a bit and I will do more in a bit -- no reason to be broke, blobby AND messy. It makes me feel better when at least the place I live is clean and tidy.
DH is did some more networking with some executives and big wigs, and has some possible opportunities to chase next week. So we'll keep our chin up with hope.
I have noticed that this has caused me to crave bad stuff more so again, but so far, I'm stayin' strong with that.
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