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A couple years ago I was diagnosed with Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction. If you've heard of it, I'd be surprised, and then I'd be sympathetic as that most likely means either you or someone you know has it. Thankfully, today my symptoms are well-managed, but there was period of time there when I was very miserable and on a severely restricted elimination diet.
While I eat fairly normally now, there are a good number of foods I just cant have. (I was never a big fan of beans, but oh how I miss peanut butter!) The other day at the store I found greek yogurt on sale, and suddenly, in the midst of an insane craving for that creamy, yummy goodness, I realized that I had never really added much dairy back in my diet. I scooped up a dozen and happily headed home.
OMG, people. I'm not fit to be around. While the dairy isn't triggering the SOD, it's powering a mustard gas factory in my GI tract, and since I work from home, it hadn't dawned on my how bad it had gotten.
And then... I'm crying as I type this out... my 7th grader had parent-teacher conferences. Imagine a poorly-ventilated hallway with 6 folding tables, eight teachers, and six sets of parents with their easily mortified pre-teens. About 3 minutes in, the pressure got intense. I couldn't help it, and I released a silent whisper of death.
Now, I may be a woman, but I know stink. I once spent an extended weekend in a cabin with my ex-husband and five of his buddies while they ingested nothing but game, morels, beans and beer. These men cleared each other out of rooms and from around the campfire, so much so that they decided to cut the weekend short, and they had nothing on me.
As we got up to rotate tables, one woman started slapping her husband on the arm and hissing, "Oh my GOD will you stop doing that?" He sheepishly tried to explaind it wasn't him, but his laughing appreciation of just how rotten they smelled failed to convince her. These poor people were stationed next to us for the whole 30 minutes. Everytime we got up to rotate tables, his wife and daughter chewed him up one side and down the other, and everytime a fresh release hit his nose he giggled, his daughter turned a darker shade of red, and his wife glared even harder.
That laugh of his was infectious, and halfway through, we were all giggling, trying to keep a straight face while listening to our kids' teachers sternly address areas for improvement. With 5 minutes left to go, we all had tears in our eyes, and the teachers finally caved in and called it early so they could open the doors at either end of the hallway and air it out some before the next group came in.
Folks, I am notorious now. I have more mentions on Twitter, Snapchat,and Instagram among that middle school than Donald Trump has in all forms of media, nationally. My kid has done any chore I ask as quickly as possible hoping I won't out myself to his friends. I was contemplating giving up the yogurt again, but then he cleaned the winter bedding out of the chicken coop without even a hint of sass. So while I think I'm going to stop ingesting greek yogurt for now, I'm definitely going to leave a container of it in the fridge as a warning to all who would oppose me.
If you want an idea of how hysterical things got, check out this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w
Diet Calendar Entry for 24 February 2017:
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1829 kcal
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Fat: 107.01g | Prot: 100.55g | Carb: 125.33g.
Breakfast: Dannon Oikos Fruit on the Bottom Nonfat Greek Yogurt - Peach, Cooked Egg White, Publix Scrambled Eggs. Dinner: Crab Pasta. Snacks/Other: Animal Crackers (Includes Arrowroot Cookies and Tea Biscuits), Zone Perfect Classic Nutrition Bar - Fudge Graham. more...
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