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Yesterday was the 11th day of my diet. I ate a huge Breakfast, cooked by my hubby: 2 eggs with 1/2 cup ricotta cheese, scrambled and fried in 1 Tbsp. EVOO; 1 smoothie made with 1/4 cup orange juice, 1/2 cup nonfat plain yogurt and 1 cup frozen fruit; Cup of green tea. Lunch, Vegetable soup made in microwave cooking bag, (1/2 bag of frozen stir fry veggies, 1 cup water, 1/2 tsp. chicken base paste); Dinner, two small corn tortillas, 2 Tbsp. cooked white rice, 2 Tbsp. cooked canned beans with mushrooms, 2 Tbsp. homemade salsa. Beverages were water water water water, 2 cups herb tea, 1 cup green tea, 2 cups low-sodium V8 juice. Blech.
Today is Day #12. I'm enjoying a bowl of fatfree cottage cheese/ricotta cheese with 3 oz. low-fat peach yogurt stirred in for breakfast. I ate a small ruby grapefruit, sliced, earlier. Today I'm going to make a bean soup out of canned beans and some mushrooms sauteed in olive oil. It's a challenge thinking of ways to combine these foods into anything appealing.
What I eat:
Unlimited fresh and frozen fruit.
Unlimited fresh and frozen vegetables.
2 eggs or 1 cup fatfree yogurt or 1 cup fatfree cottage cheese or ricotta
Extra virgin olive oil and sesame oil
Steamed fish filets
Canned beans
White or brown rice
2 corn tortillas
Balsamic vinegar
Homemade salsa
Horseradish
SOUPS have been helpful to me. I've been making the soups in a microwave bag (LOVE those things!)so they are quick to create and simple. Hot food seems to take the edge off my appetite better than cold.
Some days, I live for those tortillas. They are the only tasty carbs on the diet.
I'm getting sick of fruit, especially the kind we can get in central Florida. Great citrus, but all the peaches and avocados are totally overripe in the store. I like red grapes, but getting a little burnt out on them since I left a bag in the car for two days and then tried to eat them anyway. I miss the Jewel Food Stores fruit we could get in the Midwest. Such selection! I am eating a granny smith apple a day, if I can. I wish I could make it more savory somehow, with salt, or perhaps dip it in gravy.
My seafood has been all tilapia all the time, but I have a bag of frozen grouper filets in there waiting. My husband cooked me a shrimp scampi one night -- fresh shrimp sauteed with garlic and frozen stir-fry veggies in evoo, served over rice. It was extravagant, but I ended up being mad that he forgot the mushrooms. It was good, but I'm getting desperate for something that tastes GOOD ENOUGH. Like a pumpkin pie Blizzard from Daily Queen, or a bowl of buttered popcorn. Both, maybe.
There's this eternal struggle going on in my head at all times, except when I'm actually eating and immediately thereafter. The rest of the time, something keeps popping into my head suggesting I eat as a stress management technique; suggesting what would be tasty right about now; suggesting that I've done well enough on this diet and should get off it for a while; suggesting that I should accept myself fat and be a role model for other fat people; suggesting that I will be gaunt and flabby and even less attractive thin; suggesting that I deserve to be fed, to take care of myself, to feel full and loved. But then I see this other self in my mind tackling that person, saying I don't really need food, it's appetite, not hunger; I can control my stress with exercise and positive thinking and other fun things like music and conversation; I have spent too many years eating junky crap candy and salty snacks and fast food, and need to go completely without those foods for the same number of years, to undo the damage I've done to my body; I have committed to this diet for 6 weeks, not 6 minutes, and I can surely make it that far and then decide if I want to go all the way and lose 100 pounds; I have less respect for fat people than thin, and probably everybody feels that way, and having conquered my food addiction might serve as a great role model for someone in my situation; I am full and loved, whatever my stomach says. I fall asleep watching those two wrestle, listening to them argue.
I've also been craving this vintage stuffed lassie dog I saw on ebay (12.50 plus 23.50 shipping -- they must be delivering it by space shuttle or something -- and that price will increase in the next two days). I got out my old Lassie dog, the little one I bought off ebay when I first was losing my job and my mind. It sleeps by my bed. But she's small, and not like the one I had as a child. I want the big one. The one on ebay now is in pristine condition. Once in a while you can find something like that on ebay, a toy from your own past that someone else got but never played with, stored away somewhere, and it's like time goes backward for your inner child. Another chance at Lassie. I found a Raggedy Ann doll like that, received as a gift by some child, then left behind (had the original hanky in her pocket as well as a note from the old friend and a friendship ring). She wasn't more than $20 and now she sits in a rocking chair made for dolls, on my bureau. I am becoming my grandmother. But this dieting thing is stressful to my inner child and she wants her LASSIE and her RAGGEDY. And a pumpkin pie blizzard.
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