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Well, I don't know what I'm waiting for - clothes don't fit, don't like the way I look in the mirror, back to the negative self-talk and the feelings of helplessness, back to feeling like a fatty-fat-fat. I sit and type these sentences as I eat a huge piece of fudge. Hmmm... maybe that's what I'm waiting for - get rid of the rest of the crap in the house. Why do I have to be that way? If it's here, I must eat it. I mean, it's ridiculous, especially since I know I gain weight far easier and quicker than I "should", by all rights. It sucks, but it's a "fact" and I just have to accept that. So why continue to eat things I know will put on weight? Or why can't I just learn to eat them in moderation? Why does it always seem to be an "all or nothing" approach with me?
So, I will not get on the scale for quite some time. Certainly won't record it and hell, I won't even get on the scale as I know it will devastate me. Which is almost as pathetic as it sounds. yep, stick that head in the sand, right?
Anyway, this is one Christmas season I'm sort of glad to be saying goodbye to. It's been tough. I have an adult child who was addicted to those nasty chemicals that are sprayed on "Spice" and still sold legally in this state. Why is it legal? Beats me. Anyway, she and her girlfriend eventually ended up ordering the powdered chemicals straight from China and she finally realized they were, indeed, killing her. We really have no idea what the chemical make-up of these were, but I can tell you the withdrawals she suffered once she quit (on Thanksgiving... oh yeah, it's been fun around here) were very much what you'd see with a heroine addict facing withdrawals. I'm very proud of her, without a doubt, but the long-term effects haven't been a picnic for any of us. So it's an ongoing battle, I'm sure we'll all come out ahead, but it's definitely affected this whole family.
So - now it's back to a real diet and a real exercise plan. Starting tomorrow...lol... as that's when the fudge should be gone!
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 Comments
Hey girl..so glad your daughter has gotten over the horrible withdrawal... you have had a rough time of it for sure...you are stress eating and I know how that is...I have often gone the food route
when under stress...its not pretty at all...I am sure its harder to see your child hurting...I have no children but I have seen how parents
never stop worring over their childs life...Praying for you all...Sending bunches of LOVE and {{{{HUGS}}} my dear friend...I am here any time you need to talk...I have been told I have big ears and
pretty large shoulders to cry on..LOL...Throw the fudge out..don't eat
any more...you will just stress over it and eat more..vicious circle
to be on...later girl friend.......Bren...
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:( Hugs to you RWL. B's right though, throw it out! I do a lot of the same things you do, like how does weight come back on that fast? And then I get frustrated, angry, eat....Bad stuff. Back to the drawing board I go.
30 Dec 11 by member: Cupcakequeen247
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Sorry to hear of your hardships. Having family members suffer with addiction can be extremely hard. I can relate to your struggles with self sabotage as well. Stress has a way of creating that "all or nothing mentality" and it's a constant battle to overcome the conflict. But, you are here and this place will always be a tool to help! Stay strong, this too shall pass.
30 Dec 11 by member: Lindsay6384
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Thanks, Bren, I really appreciate that. I wish I were one to just throw myself into a tough workout under stress rather than food! Well, barely counts as "food". I may just borrow your shoulders AND your ears! I know it's time to take care of me for awhile. So glad you've stuck by me through my LONG absences. Thank you, friend. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
30 Dec 11 by member: redwinelover
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Hey Cupcakequeen... are you lookin' in my head? .... 'cause if you're lookin' in my head... I'm lookin' in yours! lol Okay, that came off as way more funny in MY head! Thanks for the understanding. In a few short words, I get the feeling you truly DO understand how it feels. Thanks!
30 Dec 11 by member: redwinelover
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Hi Lindsay, sounds like you, too, understand the self-sabotage, the all or nothing mentality! I know I'm not unique in this, by any means, but it's still nice when someone validates your feelings, your inner struggle. And yes, this site has seen me through a lot, an invaluable resource, and a great way to find that understanding and compassion from others. I appreciate your input.
30 Dec 11 by member: redwinelover
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