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I’m not doing so well. Horrible day today. Not sure what’s going on or I should say what triggered this. Been sad all day and eating crazy. Lots of memories I can’t handle I think and crying. Did some behaviors I haven’t done in years. Lots of shame.
I know I’m coming off cycle time and this time of year but it shouldn’t have brought all this down on me. I didn’t even get my weight training in today. Forgot all about it.
Tried to shake it off with music and Lego twice. It worked for awhile. All this therapy stuff. I don’t think I can handle it. Thought I could. I think it’s too much with trying to control my food issues and worrying about surgery soon and then all these memories coming at me. Too much.
I was feeling some anger too…at my nephew in law, at people in general who mistreat others for profit (Dakota Pipeline owners and Kidney stealing Dr’s in India) and feeling helpless, too. Not much I can do about either of these situations. Need to stop watching so much news, maybe.
Okay, think positive…let’s see I did take all my meds and did all my self care (miracle upon miracles). What else? No drinking or ordering in contraban food. I didn’t completely carb out. I ate my two weight loss meals like I was supposed to. I called a friend (not home). I jurnaled what I ate, exactly. I’m doing this which is…well, I didn’t want to at first, but I did it. That’s it…all I can think of.
Only thing I haven’t tried is sleeping it off. So that’s next after writing up food meal plan for tomorrow. Kinda don’t see the point since I’m always changing it from screwing up, but I’ll do it anyway. tomorrow will be better…right?
Good night.
Diet Calendar Entry for 05 November 2016:
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1525 kcal
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Fat: 55.65g | Prot: 125.25g | Carb: 132.50g.
Breakfast: Shedd's Spread Plus Calcium & Vitamins Spread Vegetable Oil, 7 Sprouted Grains English Muffins, Fully Cooked Turkey Sausage Patties, Nonfat Peach Greek Yogurt (Container). Lunch: Sugar Free Dark Chocolate Pudding Snack, Fully Cooked Turkey Sausage Patties, Mini Babybel White Cheddar. Dinner: Lemon-Lime Sugar Free Gelatin Snack, Mint Chocolate. Snacks/Other: Bottled Water, Lemon-Lime Sugar Free Gelatin Snack, Coconut Greek Yogurt, 800 Chocolate Bar, Red Bell Pepper, Broccolini, 800 Creamy Chicken Soup Mix. more...
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 Comments
Good night, beautiful soul. Tomorrow will be better.
05 Nov 16 by member: kpwcalories
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Tomorrow will be better, it has to be,. Get a good nites sleep let us know how it goes in the morning... That sounded like take two aspirins and call me in the morning. LOL
05 Nov 16 by member: Char60
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Read a good uplifting book, don't watch the news for a week and don't connect to any news or stories on the internet as well. I looked at your food log, I hope you don't mind but I recommend that you replace the veg spread for real butter and don't eat turkey sausage, it has too much sodium, you can make your own with ground turkey. Too much sugar, over 25 grams can alter your mood as well as preservatives so up your game and try to eat whole foods, not pre-made to include canned anything. Your calorie load is not bad, but the quality of what you are eating could be better. It's good that you shared how you are feeling, that takes guts and means that you care and are self aware, bless you!
06 Nov 16 by member: QueenofEngels
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Sorry you are having a session of the blues. Who knows why days like that hit us, but hit us they do. Hopefully you will have a better day tomorrow.
06 Nov 16 by member: rhontique
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My regular black and bleak moods lifted considerably when I went gluten free and very low sugar. A friend introduced me to Paleo and I was amazed at how much my mood lifted. I've never gone back - over 5 years now. This was a big improvement in my life - after a lifetime of struggle with dark moods. Something to consider.
06 Nov 16 by member: erikahollister
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Thanx all, kpwcalories, Char60; the sleep did help allot. I even gave myself an extra hour thinking I was waking up late. Then I realized I forgot to change my clock last night. Today seems better and I’m gonna stay away from the newsfeeds for awhile…maybe I’ll watch on Tuesday to find out about the election, but that’s it. OliverBeMe, good idea. Think I’ll go straight for some stand up comedy shticks. I love comedians. QueenofEngels, no I don’t mind at all. You’re right I have been slipping lately in the food prep department. I’ve gotten lazy since my move and have been relying on Schwan’s way too much. I do have some ground turkey that I can make up today. I’ll check out going back to butter and see how it will fit into this meal plan with sparrow as far as fat. May need to come up with something else for moisture and flavor on foods. Rhontique, my therapist told me to expect that days like this would show up soon. We’ve been discussing allot from the past but I didn’t think it would be THIS soon. And, for a crazy minute, I thought I could handle it with no problem. Just because it was so long ago and all. erikahollister, that actually might be a good idea. I’ll ask my dietitian about it especially since I’ll need to really drop sugar and carbs after surgery. It’ll add a little to my distress for awhile though. I’m a crunchy ssalty carb-o-holic. I was good at getting rid of white flour and sugar, but have been relying on whole grains mostly. But yep, definitely something to consider. Peace all. I’m getting hungry and it’s breakfast two time. Hmmph, I actually can’t wait to get off this optifast product line. That might help allot too.
06 Nov 16 by member: BPaula47
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This is a one day at at at a time thing,remember what you have done good in the past and start over
06 Nov 16 by member: 689999
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Chin up and let go of the past. Live for the moment and tighten your belt.
06 Nov 16 by member: pradeep s
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Glad it's a bit better.......now get all the way better. Keep in touch with us.....
06 Nov 16 by member: Char60
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