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Hi there I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day weekend.
I had a good trip down to my parents - I did not eat anything on the way down except 6 macadamia nuts.
The weekend was good - I stuck to my eating plan.
The trip back...not so good. I am still working on binge eating problems so I will just share my feelings on this issue so that it may help anyone else that has this problem.
Driving home. Weekend was good but it was hard to cook food that you can't eat. I was making a nice meal for my family but since I am sticking to proteins and low carb, potato salad is not on the list right now.
While I'm driving, I begin to feel pressure on my body - inside in my chest - it is anxiety. I recognize this symptom as I have suffered from it for a long time.
I know I am going to be at a decision point soon. Feed this feeling or suffer through it.
I don't want this feeling anymore. It hurts. It's big. I am trapped, driving home.
I know I can do mindfulness techniques or call someone, or even get on my FS app to call out for help from my FS friends.
I choose not to. I want this feeling GONE. I pull into a gas station. I feel like everyone KNOWS what I am doing there and is looking at me with judgement.
Before I go in I think about the reasons I don't want to eat this stuff. They seem insignificant, far-away, irrelevant.
I get 2 packs of hostess cupcakes and an ice cream. I feel guilty, I can't even look at the cashier. I know I can stop and just throw this in the garbage on the way out the door. I even consider it.
I eat the stuff and I feel immediate relief. It's like you see on TV with the heroin addicts - relief washes over you and then the bad feelings are gone.
I don't think about food for the rest of the trip.
Today I recommit. I still need to get stronger and sit with that feeling. You don't always have to be made to feel better. Sometimes you need to just man-up and deal with the feelings until they dissipate.
It's always my choice. I say "no" to food cravings many times a day. I am successful many times a day. It's hard when I'm not.
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 Comments
09 May 16 by member: IzadoraPotter
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no big. we've all been there. you know what to do...
09 May 16 by member: jimmiepop
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God bless you for sharing your story. I have a loved one that suffered for years (and I had no idea until she finally confided in me), with a binge-eating disorder. We've talked through what it was like for her and I cried....I bawled like a baby, actually. There are people who know exactly how you feel, and I am so very sympathetic. You've recommitted...that's so awesome and, quite frankly, that's all you can do. Take it one day at a time and each time you say "no" to your food cravings, you "win". Hang in there!! :-)
09 May 16 by member: TessArooo62
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Writing about it is brave and by doing so you will conquer the emotional eating. I hope next time you call someone first. And, we all are here for you, too.
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sounds very familiar. Too familiar. For me, it's almost like I'm on auto pilot. Then the feeling of relief when I eat, but so short lived. Then comes shame that I didn't control myself.... It can be a VERY vicious cycle...
09 May 16 by member: Rckc
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Hi My Name is Debra Frederick and I'm a binge eater....that being said, know that you are not alone and I have been in your exact situation many many times. It's been years since I had a real struggle with it, going out with friends and just eating a salad with dressing on the side and an unsweetened tea while they scarfed up ravioli and lasagna and downed sweet mixed drinks like they were water. You smile, pretend to be strong and determined. Then you drive home and all of the deprivation, envy and even anger at your beloved friends and family who can eat everything and not have any issues comes boiling up into the back of your throat choking you, your breathing increases you begin to hyperventilate and break a sweat. Heart pounding, chest hurting and feeling like there is going to be an imminent explosion. You make the first right that has food available, convenient store you load up on cakes, candy and ice-cream. Fast food joint you order three sandwiches, two super size fries and 3 fried apple pies and you eat it ALL before you get home, pull over to a service station throw away all the "evidence" go to the bathroom and wash your face and rinse your mouth....sometimes you throw up, sometimes on purpose, sometimes simply because guilt strikes and your stomach is revolting against the abuse you just put it through. You can diminish it's power over you by some serious positive affirmations and learning your signs. I know when I look at something and I want it so bad that I feel tears burning at the back of my eyes, I have some.....I give that deprived child inside me what she is crying for...but I control the amount and I don't let her go crazy, she gets what she wants and subsides and I can square my shoulders and move on. Over time we have made peace with each other and food, but I still have moments when I have tightened down too tight and allowed myself to go too long without gratification. Sorry to go on so long, just know you are never alone.
09 May 16 by member: debrafrederick
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Hi everyone - Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement! It helped a lot!
12 May 16 by member: ny_shelly
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