emmafrost's Journal, 12 March 2016

Good news and bad news :)
At 59kg my period finally decided to arrive! This is the second time and I still can't believe it!
It's been 3.5 years of no periods, unless painfully induced by medication. I tried combination possible to not have to put on more weight: relaxing, meditation, just slightly taking on more weight, less sports, more sleeping, vitamins etc.
It seems in the end only when I started eating sweets regularly, reaching a 2000kcal a day and gaining enough to get my fat ass back my body finally decided it was 'healthy'.
So I'm happy to see everything is working ok now and there were no serious issues.

But this means that if I want to be 'healthy' I can never be slim!? I've worked so hard to look and feel the way I wanted, and I was finally so proud and confident of my body.
Now I feel ashamed of the way I look again. And I've noticed the differences in the way others react to meeting me. Guys are ,as expected, not interested anymore, and women don't do the usual positive comment of 'wow, you look so fit'.

So you could say i'm slightly faced with a dilemma, should I stay healthy or should I go back to feeling confident? At least now I have chocolate to comfort me lol.

Diet Calendar Entry for 12 March 2016:
1350 kcal Fat: 26.15g | Prot: 53.39g | Carb: 252.04g.   Breakfast: Cocoa Powder (Unsweetened), Sugar, White Rice, Ground Beef, Sugar, Tomato Sauce, Kroger Old Fashioned Oatmeal, McVities Jaffa Cake, White Bread, Mixed Vegetables (Frozen), Sardines, Cocoa Powder (Unsweetened). more...

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