Shift average 15,000 steps = 6.5 miles 16 hr fasting - dinner at 5:30pm, report for work at 7pm, return home at 8:30am, light meal at 9am (I don’t eat while on duty)
The thing about dying people, is that we are not well equipped to provide adequate care to those who opt out of hospice even when suffering reaches a torturous level. The body goes through all sorts of degradation. Caring for them is considered grunt work to put it bluntly and it is difficult to get meaningful support. Did you know injectable promethazine has been removed from hospitals? How am I supposed to help those whose vomiting is out of control and not responding to other antiemetics and alternative measures? “Give oral promethazine, or, you can use a suppository.” Scratch that. They can’t keep anything down so the oral meds are out. Suppositories are contraindicated for patients whose white blood cells are non existent. Between the violent heaves they would beg me, “help me.” I see another heave is rising and their eyes almost pop out before the magma erupts. My job to clean up even though they resist. They resist cleaning vehemently, because it is painful to move. Objection overruled, I can’t let them marinate in the cocktail of vomit and fluid that escapes from the random parts of the body. I proceed. They are mad at me now. “Gently!” “Hurry up!” “Don’t touch my arm!” At last I get them squeaky clean and shining like a new penny, and I timidly hope they get some sleep, but no, sleep has become unattainable luxury to those poor souls. “I’m hot!” I magically procure a table fan for them. “I’m cold!” I fetch a heated blanket. “Too heavy!” Suffering makes people very curt. It’s not personal, I get that, but being the receiving end of such curtness 12 hours straight is taxing, especially when it is evident that nothing I do is helping. All I do is running around like a moron. It was 15,075 steps the other night, to be precise. “Help me, help me.” I want to! I run the gauntlet of their demands. Although it could be grating at times, I appreciate their brusqueness. No mind games there. No room for artificial niceties. No time wasted for asinine prayers. We go on like this until I exhaust all the options to alleviate their agony. Meds are simply not working and the table fan is scoffing at me. Why am I talking about it? Because I started sharing this story to a friend the other day but I didn’t get to tell what I wanted to tell. I rarely get to, by the way. I tuck away those nights of despair in the step tracker app and forget. But this time I want to remember. I want to remember that out of sheer hopelessness I stroked the hair of the suffering lady and it made her chuckle! I didn’t know that people retained the ability to chuckle even after the body gave up humor. And I want to remember that when my shift ended she somehow mustered up the energy to utter a full sentence in spite of her previous commitment to monosyllabic communication. I heard her say “I don’t want you to go.” Those words, when coming from dying people, strike me differently, the sound of earnestness is something I want to remember, something I will hold onto as I drown daily in the sea of insipid exchanges and disposable friendships. And more than anything, I don’t want to forget, she said those tenderest words curtly, ever so curtly.
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![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) Comments
22 Aug 24 by member: Yearofhealth2023
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Why has injectable promethazine been removed?
22 Aug 24 by member: Yearofhealth2023
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The reality of this story is sad but the earnestness in which you tell it is lovely.
22 Aug 24 by member: I Am Okino
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Causes thrombosis, nerve damage, paralysis, abscess, necrosis, etc. We are left with zofran, compazine and reglan, and thankfully they work most of the time but not all the time. When phenergan was removed, it felt like I was stripped of ammunition. A huge adjustment for sure.
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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Hi Miss Okino, nice meeting you! Is that a Japanese name? I’m curious by nature… Thank you for stopping by, I enjoyed reading your NSV post! Enjoy the fitness journey♥️
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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Ok so now another question—why was phenergan removed? My child was an e.r. Nurse while getting her d.n.p. And some of the stories…u.s. is not very progressive in end of life care in comparison to other countries im afraid.
22 Aug 24 by member: Yearofhealth2023
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YoH, I’m sorry, promethazine and phenergan are same (generic name vs brand name). I think US hospice is good, my dilemma is that there are people who reject hospice, and I respect their decision, but they tend to suffer because we can’t give aggressive doses of analgesics and such to them. It gets complicated.
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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You could have very easily have just clawed deep down into my heart and psyche and pulled that bit of unprocessed rumination out by the bitter gobs. There are too many unfixable things. So we plant roses and drink nice wine, paint the kitchen pink, pet doggies in the supermarket, and listen to happysadloud music. Sometimes we laugh, and sometimes (rarely) we cry, mostly just breathe in and out and pretend we've got it all tucked neatly into the compartments of every day living. And every once in a blue moon run into someone who recognizes the same knowing in too tired eyes. And that helps. I hope you have bought a nice tea cup since we've talked. You know you need one! 💞🌹
22 Aug 24 by member: Windy Day
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Thank you for the clarity Y. Give yourself a nice relaxing herbal steamy bath and a hot cocoa. Wish i could help.
22 Aug 24 by member: Yearofhealth2023
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Yfritz— I dealt with this with my sister for four months. It was hideous. It took a long time to get the docs to try SQ haloperidol— it works.
22 Aug 24 by member: Kenna Morton
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Also, can I assume you have tried zofran? Check and see if compazine is still available for cases as a last resort.
22 Aug 24 by member: Kenna Morton
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Promethazine was discontinued because it has some very significant side effects (death) in several patient populations such as the elderly. In some places it is still approved for use under extreme circumstances where nothing else has been successful.
22 Aug 24 by member: Kenna Morton
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Hi, yes! Okino is a character from the Lego Ninjago series. (🤓‼️) He is a former NPC in the game Prime Empire and a samurai that guided players to the purple Key-Tana in Terra Karana. After failing to lead dozens of players to victory, Okino started to lose all hope and stopped training as hard and became lazier. He eventually meets the ninja and promises them that he'll help them complete their quest. However, when he learns that Prime Empire was a game, he becomes depressed and realizes everything he knew was false (Wiki Fandom). In his debut episode (I Am Okino) he greets every player by saying “I am Okino,” so we get to hear him say that at least 30x and it is awesome. Eventually, Okino realizes that instead of guiding others on their journey, he must begin his own journey. Okay, I’m done geeking out on you, lol. Thanks for asking and reading my posts. It’s nice to meet you, too — stay curious my friend!
22 Aug 24 by member: I Am Okino
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Windy, your kitchen is pink? I missed you😂Like you said, it felt as if this lady understood me, I’m not sure exactly what, but she did and she knew, and it helped me, which is terrible because I didn’t help her at all!! Btw I saw that you tried kudzu tea. The powder is basically starch and meant to be taken when you are sick🤣 I’m not surprised you didn’t like it. Where did you find the kudzu flower tho? Kudzu vines are super invasive and I know people hate them with passion, but I always liked watching kudzu vines engulf everything in summer. Do you know James Agee’s “Let Us Now Praise Famous Men,” a book about sharecropping families in Alabama? There is a book called “And Their Children After Them,” it’s sort of a sequel to Agee’s book. Photographs are by Michael Williamson, and he took a picture of a country road with a massive pillar of kudzu vines. You can feel the temperature and thick air just by looking at the picture! I’m going to revisit the book, inspired by your kudzu tea post🍵
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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YoH thank you, I am very tired but I’ll be ok, because I’m finally taking a time off, it’s been a year. Pelicans are calling me, I can’t wait 🦀🐬
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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Kenna, isn’t haldol a D2 dopamine antagonist like compazine? Did it work better than compazine? We use zofran, compazine and reglan now. Unfortunately they didn’t do jack for her. And remember, I am talking about people who are full code, so we need to be mindful of possible arrhythmias caused by antiemetics. I faced similar dilemma for pain management, I had a full code lady in excruciating pain, all her limbs were actively dying in front of our eyes, but no analgesics were given because her BP was plummeting. Those are the cases that still haunt me.
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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Miss Okino🤣🤣🤣♥️ Lollllll thank you for your geeky enthusiasm! Although I am absolutely clueless about the gaming world, your spiritedness was something I desperately needed tonight. You are alive! This boyo Okino sounds very human, maybe a bit emo🤣 Everything he knew was false!! How tragic. I think I like him🤣 I googled him… Thank you for expanding my horizon, good night💕
22 Aug 24 by member: yfritz
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Yfritz— sad that she and her family hadn’t dealt with the inevitable. And yes, it is a D2 dopamine antagonist. In my sister’s case all I was interested in or concerned about was relief from the N/V. You had a tough case to deal with. I hope you enjoy your trip to see the penguins. Where and when are you going?
22 Aug 24 by member: Kenna Morton
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Sounds gruelling, Yfitz. I am glad you are able to take some time off.
23 Aug 24 by member: Anne_145
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