ddrudd's Journal, 10 May 2024

I’ve known for some time that I have ADHD but recently found out I am autistic also. It explains so, so much about my life going back to when I was very young. I don’t know why I never saw this, it’s so obvious, in retrospect it feels like I just had a massive blind spot for myself. And all of my family did too. Learning this about myself has been very unpleasant actually - not a sense of relief like some people have described to me. I’ve had to reconcile this with an ableist bias I didn’t even realize I had. It’s been an emotionally exhausting time. I am also in a new relationship, which has been unexpected but nice. But it’s another thing in my life to “manage” in some sense. I stopped tracking food entirely, I’m probably eating a not very heart-healthy diet, and I’ve been doing everything I can to keep up my workouts but I feel very, very tired. It’s all just a lot right now. I’m sharing this here just because it’s a way to let some of the thoughts out of my head. To anyone reading this, wherever you’re at in life, whatever you may be dealing with, may you have courage and grace in whatever your struggles may be. It’s hard to know what anybody you meet may be going through, the only guarantee you have is that for sure they are going through something.

Diet Calendar Entry for 10 May 2024:
1994 kcal Activities & Exercise: Apple Health - 24 hours. more...

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❤️‍🩹🙏🏻 
10 May 24 by member: wifey9707
🤍 
10 May 24 by member: unity1234
knowledge is powerful! acknowledging that blind spot is painful, i relate to that too when i had my diagnosis' figured out. you aren't alone here!! its not a crutch, its an explanation! its a way to understand yourself better and be one step closer to the what to do and why 
10 May 24 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
It sounds like you have learned a lot about yourself. I hope the new relationship works out.  
10 May 24 by member: -MorticiaAddams
My granddaughter found out last year that she was in the spectrum. After the diagnosis it was so clear to me and like you I was surprised I didn't see it before. Same with her but she has struggled to put in perspective. Take time to process it and I wish you the best. 
10 May 24 by member: Diana 1234
I am not able to get properly accessed (only kids tests available and they're ludicrous to solve as 25+ yo) due to my country marching right back into 19th century, but I have known for 4 years that might be brobably it and this is how it helped me: a) I gave up on therapy because it never worked for me, b) I focused on practical advises to curate my daily life, employment, personal boundaries and routine to improve my lifestyle. Being a grown up, diagnosis lends you little help in terms of early adaptation because, well, that period of life passed and you somehow learned to run on crutches and bent backwards legs. But it does bring you clarity in how to organize your life and communicate your needs and pitfalls to peers to avoid unnecessary stress, miscommunication, ruined relationships and weird moments. My adulting experience improved immensely. Best of luck. 
11 May 24 by member: питоняшка
Don't let a diagnosis define you. You can still be who you want to be and accomplish the goals you want to. You can do anything you put your mind to 
11 May 24 by member: RN16
Thanks for the comments. Yes, finding out later in life can be a bit of a blessing because you just do what it takes to pass as normal (assuming you’re able to). I did very well in school and completed a masters degree; I have a successful career, hobbies, friends, good family relationships; I am financially independent and have $0 debt. Basically I had to work much harder at certain parts of life and I find certain things very draining and difficult, but I otherwise have a “normal” life. It has gotten easier as I’ve gotten older, because I have learned more about what to do in various situations. One of the biggest realizations for me has been: I am not an introvert (which always felt kind of like a wrong label but did at least capture how tiring social interactions can be for me), instead I am an autistic extrovert 😁 
11 May 24 by member: ddrudd
Action with clarity…otherwise impetuous.. 
11 May 24 by member: Zoofeather
Emotional exhaustion can really wear you down! I hope you get some rest. We are hear to listen. 
11 May 24 by member: moko 13

     
 

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