I know how you feel, but DO NOT beat yourself up!!! I can't tell you how many times I've started and just didn't follow through! And I can tell you, I didn't care to really follow! Twice in my lifetime, I've just woken up and it was like a lightbulb went off, I was READY. I have no idea what transpired that woke me up like that, except that it was just time. *sings* "To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven" :D Don't give up, don't beat yourself up! It will happen! Just be patient for your lightbulb. :)